He could try "oregano" next time.....

https://www.mountainvalleygrowers.com/orimaru.htm

Jackson,

I think Clerget must be in Africa.

I thank the Lord every time I hear the reading about the Valley of Dry Bones read by a lector who knows the difference between "prophecy" and "prophesy."

This Sunday, Easter...:

Pastor: join us in our final hymn, "Worship Christ the NEWBORN King", number whatever in the red hymnal.

What holiday are we celebrating again?!?!?

Worse, it got stuck in the choir's heads and more than one of them sang "newborn" instead of "risen". (Facepalm). LOL!

One time recently, I was cantor and almost started singing the Sanctus in Latin when we were doing it in English...

Are you implying that dying in Calgary is commonplace? LOL.

And you haven't heard of Jesus being crucified on Cavalry instead of Calvary (or Calgary)? Then you haven't been around long enough.

...Cavalry...

Um, is that what you call it when everyone has a grand time and delightful fun??
You know, as in 'all shared in the spirit of cavalry at the parish picnic'.





(Or is that 'revelry' I'm thinking of?)

Exoolt...

Maybe two-thirds of the way through the first word the cantor decided to switch from Latin to English!

Oh, dear. Mer. vs. mère is hard enough as it is... I’m actually straining to hear the difference. I would, however, make sure to separate it from the article.

It has something to do with the fact that "mère" properly has two syllables and "mer" has only one, but also with how much space there is between words: "mer de... Dieu," or "mère... de Dieu." The French, their ears already adjusting for the accent, never batted an eyelash. But it made my ears prick up every time.

One homily I heard this past Sunday: "This was written at a time when the Jewish people were under occupation by the Russians."

Seminarian got donkey confused with bottom. A** and A***.

When a priest said during a sermon that he knocked the bishop up (meaning he knocked on the door to wake the bishop up)

Hail Mary full of grapes (girl that just had her first communion)

Our father who aren't in heaven - little boy leading the school prayer.

"Are you staying?" (Agnus Dei being sung by a small child)

"Alleluia, alleluia, aleluiaia" anybody singing LASST UNS ERFREUEN

"And with thy spirit yessss, I got it this time!" After years of saying "and also with you."
Often comes with
"And also NOOOO"

The lamington of our lady (the lamentation)

This one takes the cake.
The priest gave a sermon about St. Augustine and how God gave him the faith. (Clapping his hands together)
One of the children reportedly came out telling their teacher that God gave St Augustine the Clap...

The story of the prodded son (prodigal)

Priest: who created Adam?
Child: his parents, but only because they loved each other very much.

During a school crucifixion play
"Stop crucifying my brother!" (Child in audience bawling their eyes out)

"Soul of my saviour sanctify my..." Hehehehe

"Daniel stop pretending you have the bishops eyebrows!"

Eval, evill and evel

Mizarere

Eggshellsis

Priest: "why am I wearing red vestments today?"
Child: "it hides the wine stains when you spill it?"

Child during consecration "but mummy it doesn't look like Jesus! It still looks like a biscuit, it doesn't even look like bread."
Rest of congregation during consecration cough, splutter, snort, sneeze...

One parishioner to another "I totally thought it was consecretion"

The lord is my shepherd and I want to follow wherever he leads me wherever he goes baaa (naughty chorister - not from my choir)

After the plate gets handed around "look mum, I brought back the change this time!"

Aussie ones
"Chroist" how all Aussies say Christ.
Satan is not your mate! I tell ya.
There is a cuppa served after mass by paddy's youth group today.

Our father who aren't in heaven

...hollow be thy name (also a school kid leading morning prayer)

5th Sunday of Easter Year C (2016): "Listeria" instead of "Lystra" in the first reading.

Having been at an earlier Mass, I heard it read correctly, but had the thought that the place name may prove troublesome. I was right.

"Send your archangel, Raphael the Destroyer."

A singer singing a hymn and misreading the word restorer.

In This Age of Noise and Turmoil, What Sorrowful Sounds do I Hear?

O Sacred Head Sore Wounded with Songs of Thankfulness and Praise; Soon and Very Soon, Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence! "Be Kind Leave Me Alone Lads"-(God Sends us Forth.)

MW: \ˈjü-dē-ˌi-zəm, ˈjü-də-, ˈjü-(ˌ)dā-, British also ˈjü-ˌdi-zəm\

In the Philippines, we sometimes hear: “A reading from the letter of Saint Paul to the Philippines.”

Ju·da·ism

/ˈjo͞odāˌizəm,ˈjo͞odēˌizəm/

Whichever way, the 'accent is on the first 'syllable.

Will never forget Pentecost at my first parish; the recessional hymn was "Creator Spirit, By Whose Aid." Verse 2 should begin, "O Source of uncreated light, the Father's promised Paraclete." No, it doesn't rhyme... Unless you are the very enthusiastic gentlemen in the front pew loudly singing "the Father's promised parasite."

4 funnies from my teaching days:

While reviewing the 7 sacraments, 6 were quickly named by the class of 5th graders. Then after a pause Anna raises her hand and says, "I know what we forgot- Annoying of the Sick!"

First grader trying to recall the word Tabernacle calls it the Pumpernackel.

First grader trying to recall the names of the first people created by God- Eve 'n Odd.

Fifth grader talking about Jewish person wearing a YAMAHA on his head.

Also, for the fans of spoonerisms a priest told me he had once read "Jesus was baptized in the John by Jordan" when he was in the seminary.

Ukrainian priest from Mother Country, "Let we pray!"

"And now we come to the final condemnation . . ."

Always a nice way to close out a funeral.

And a middle-school group in another parish with the Edge curriculum;

“There is a new middle-school youth group, called [pause]...HEDGE.”