What funny things have you heard at Mass? (Updated Title)
  • ClergetKubiszClergetKubisz
    Posts: 1,912
    "Let us pray for Dorky Wilkins..." (supposed to be Dorothy)

    The Grand Knight of our Knights chapter was the lector that day.
    Thanked by 1scholista
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,978
    I once heard the head of the local KofC chapter called the "grand wizard." I think that particular announcer wasn't reading correctly and had mixed up his groups.
    Thanked by 2scholista Casavant Organist
  • Eric D. WilliamsEric D. Williams
    Posts: 27
    A reading from...

    ...the book of SIGH-ratch

    ...Paul's letter to the Phillipines
  • Steve CollinsSteve Collins
    Posts: 1,022
    Firstly, I firmly believe that "Ay-men" is particular to post Vat. II Catholics in the USA. Americans are so overly confident as to border on pure arrogance that their pronunciation of English is THE proper one. It certainly wasn't helped by folk groups singing the Great Amen from "Lillies of the Field" movie. (Barf! gag!)

    I don't recall the "bronze braziers", but maybe a similar passage elsewhere in the Bible referring to "flaming braziers" bringing to mind Gloria Steinem et al and lingerie rather than some good ol' boys around a BBQ pit. And it WAS a prominent male who spoke it, who I never again saw at that church!
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    Many years ago I thought that only Baptists, Pentecostals, and such said 'ay-men', which to my youthful Episcopalian ears was self-evidently uncivilised and uncooth, and just plain old uneducated and boorish. Imagine my surprise (and dismay) when I became more and more into Catholic (or should I say 'Cath-lick") circles and many of them pronounced ah-men the same way that crude people did! (Arghh: just another thing that 'Cathlics' never get right.) Well, I suppose someone will chime in here and aver that ay-men has a pedigree reaching back to Tudorbethan times, was encouraged by Shakespeare and even used by mediaeval royalty. They may (if they do so aver) or may not be correct, but in our time ay-men remains crude, illiterate and barbaric... just like 'ain't'... at least to my ears.

    Another mispronunciation -
    At one of the Christmas lessons and carols some years ago the reader was reading the lesson from Genesis and said '...and who told thee that thou wast neck-ed... er, um, nayked....'.
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,215
    Jackson, visit my job church any Sunday, and you will hear Amen pronounced correctly, even though we are "Cathlics", as you call us.
    Thanked by 1M. Jackson Osborn
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    Richard -
    Good for you and your people! Ha! You, obviously are 'Catholic', not 'Cathlics'.
    (Sorry, no offense ever intended.)
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,215
    I'm surprised if you've never heard any of us ordinary Latin-riters say it right. I mean, you have been to Mass outside of Texas, hm?
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    Of course, Chonak -
    I really didn't mean to imply that all 'Cathlics' say it wrong. (I was, actually, writing somewhat tongue in cheek.) It has been surprising to me, though, how many do. As I said above, in my younger years I experienced this 'error' as peculiar to the 'evangelical' types. I certainly meant no general disparagement of Catholics - indeed, most of them seem to speak rather good English! Why shouldn't they! And besides: I am one.

    I have observed, though, (and I say this with no contempt or such) that I have observed certain differences amongst Catholics which leads me (endearingly) to notice that some have characteristics that earn them the (non-derogatory) label 'Cathlic', whilst others are really 'Catholic'. There is a difference, the which I shant delve into right here and now.

    Please believe me, though: I do respect all of my fellow Catholics, whether they are Catholic or Cathlic - and whether they say ah-men or are so unfortunate as to belong to the minority who say ay-men.

    And, yes, I have been to mass outside of Texas. Many times and places. In fact, my parents brought me down here from Springfield, Missouri, when I was seven and I still don't like it. Texas does, truth be known, have some truly miraculous terrain - but none of it is around Houston. I would be much happier in New England or the Great Lakes. What redeems Houston is its superb arts culture, its fine organs and choirs, its Bach Society, early music societies, chamber music societies, museums, universities, and.........: WALSINGHAM!

    Thanks for gouging me on this.
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,215
    Sometimes, Jackson, I think you play a character on the Internet.
    Thanked by 2Adam Wood CHGiffen
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    I don't know what you mean by that.
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,215
    Exaggerating certain stances for humorous effect.
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    Ah! No, I don't.
    Often seriousness is intended.
    At times humour is intended.
    I confess that some people have trouble discerning which is which.
    Less often there is a co-mingling of the two.

    Thanked by 2Steve Collins CHGiffen
  • MatthewRoth
    Posts: 2,311
    Jackson, a friend and I were discussing Houston and we basically said the same thing. My friend also redeemed it with Walsingham: it is his regular place of Sunday worship when home from school. Annunciation also redeems Houston.
    Thanked by 1M. Jackson Osborn
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    Who is your friend?
    Could I perhaps know him?
    We have quite a few college-aged members.
    We are also visited often by seminarians from St Mary's Seminary, which is not more that two miles away on Memorial Drive. They seem quite dazzled by our liturgy! (They sit 'in choir' with our clergy and acolytes - and it's probably the only time that they get to wear birettas, which are de rigueur at Walsingham - though I, being of a more Sarum persuasion, wish that our clergy would wear Canterbury caps.)

    (And, yes, Annuciation gets high marks for liturgy and music. One can attend Latin masses in both EF and NO there every Sunday. Our forum member, Felipe Gaspar, is the choirmaster and organist there. It is a very old, originally Italian, parish, which, architecturally, is an example of that rather stylised Gothic which one sort of associates with fin de siecle France. It has a choir gallery at the west end with a Pilsher organ that is being restored, and two choir galleries facing each other on opposite sides of the chancel-sanctuary.)
  • MatthewRoth
    Posts: 2,311
    Gregory Demary.
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    I don't know him but I'll ask around.
  • Steve CollinsSteve Collins
    Posts: 1,022
    My Mother's family moved from the farm they lost into Decatur, IL, when she was young. Her older sisters (my Aunts) had attended Catholic boarding school in Springfield, but that was not in the cards for her and the younger ones. Being 1/2 German and 1/2 Irish, they were only a block from the German parish, but 10+ blocks from the Irish parish. They became "left-handed Irish". Mom always told me about the two kinds of kids in Decatur, depending on where you went to school: there were "cat lickers" and "pup lickers". She survived.
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen
  • Reval
    Posts: 186
    Okay, since we're off-topic:
    If you're referencing a person's religion, would you be more likely to say "He's Catholic", or "He's a Catholic"? For some reason, to say that someone is "a" something, sounds slightly derogatory to me. Am I the only one? : )
  • MatthewRoth
    Posts: 2,311
    Nope. It is meant to be insulting, even if, in the speaker’s mind, benignly so.
  • JacobFlahertyJacobFlaherty
    Posts: 331
    Another slip of the tongue: My mother reported that once during Confession, she was saying her 'Act of Contrition' and instead of saying, "And I detest all of my sins because of Thy just punishments", she accidentally said, "And I detest Thee, O my God..."
    Thanked by 1scholista
  • Steve QSteve Q
    Posts: 121
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqYQIxDmKz8
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    .
  • madorganist
    Posts: 906
    Steve Collins:
    I firmly believe that "Ay-men" is particular to post Vat. II Catholics in the USA.
    M. Jackson Osborn:
    Many years ago I thought that only Baptists, Pentecostals, and such said 'ay-men', which to my youthful Episcopalian ears was self-evidently uncivilised and uncooth, and just plain old uneducated and boorish. Imagine my surprise (and dismay) when I became more and more into Catholic (or should I say 'Cath-lick") circles and many of them pronounced ah-men the same way that crude people did! (Arghh: just another thing that 'Cathlics' never get right.) Well, I suppose someone will chime in here and aver that ay-men has a pedigree reaching back to Tudorbethan times, was encouraged by Shakespeare and even used by mediaeval royalty. They may (if they do so aver) or may not be correct, but in our time ay-men remains crude, illiterate and barbaric... just like 'ain't'... at least to my ears.

    Well y'all ain't gonna believe this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyWu04Baljk and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqAJaHk6kS8
    "Ay-men" can be clearly heard in both recordings. I'm not inclined to think of Bostonians during the Cushing era (1944-70) or 1941 Chicagoans as particularly uncivilized, uncouth, boorish, crude, barbaric, illiterate, or ignorant. In any case, there's clearly no correlation with Vatican II or "Baptists, Pentecostals, and such."
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    [Asked in ignorance:]

    Was Cardinal Cushing a staunch teacher of what the Church actually teaches, or was he an Americanist?
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,978
    During his lifetime, some said he had the voice of a longshoreman. I heard a broadcast of the Cardinal singing his parts in a classical mass with singers and orchestra. The Cardinal's parts sounded like hell while the other parts were heavenly.

    A now deceased priest told me many years ago that he received his tonsure from Cardinal Cushing, in the days when they actually did tonsures. The priest said that as the Cardinal was scissoring the head of the priest candidate in front of him, Cardinal Cushing turned to someone beside him and said, "How am I doing?" When he turned back, he had cut the finger ends off his episcopal gloves. The priest I mentioned said he had a most difficult time trying to keep a straight face.
    Thanked by 1madorganist
  • dad29
    Posts: 2,232
    Today, that other boundary of Israel became EU phraht ees

    Only ...what...10 years ago, we were having a war near that river!
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,978
    Only ...what...10 years ago, we were having a war near that river!


    I heard that same pronunciation for the river this morning. It must be catching.

    Oh well, come to the water I guess. ;-)
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    The Cardinal's parts sounded like hell while the other parts were heavenly.


    This isn't an indication of his orthodoxy, only of his singing ability and (perhaps) the priority he place on improving it.
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,978
    He had a unique voice with some very rough qualities. It was distinctive and instantly recognizable - that wasn't just his singing. He was a pretty highly regarded fellow, though.
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    Highly regarded, Charles, isn't the same as orthodox or Americanist.

    Which was he..... ?
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,978
    Hard to say. He was generally regarded as orthodox with a special devotion to missions and missionary activity. Americanist? What is that, really. His parents were Irish immigrants, so any Americanism did not go back that far. In any event, that's been more than a few years to recall details.
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,215
    Was Cardinal Cushing a staunch teacher of what the Church actually teaches, or was he an Americanist?

    Philip Lawler of Catholic World News writes about Cardinal Cushing's role in politics here, and that may be some indication of his thinking.
  • Casavant Organist
    Posts: 805
    There is a balm in Jellybean
    Thanked by 2Spriggo CHGiffen
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 5,193
    Better than a bomb in Gilead.
    Thanked by 3Caleferink Casavant Organist CharlesW
  • Casavant Organist
    Posts: 805
    Here is an example of a cantor who takes the 3rd commandment a bit too seriously:
    Please join us in singing our Processional Hymn which is number 678 in your blue hymnals, "O Gosh, Our Help in Ages Past", number 678
    Thanked by 2CharlesW chonak
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,978
    Better than a bomb in Gilead.


    Given the current situation in the Middle East, there probably is a bomb there.
  • Casavant Organist
    Posts: 805
    "Most Highly Flavoured Gravy, Gloria" I do this just to see if my director will call me out for it. Never been called out once. I only revealed it to him this past Advent
    Thanked by 2CHGiffen Liam
  • melofluentmelofluent
    Posts: 4,160
    Just yesterday, zealously scrupulous lector (aka "slow talker of America") plodding through Exodus: "Tell them 'I AM who (I) AM....." Before I figured s/he had taken the liberty of augmenting Holy Writ, I rohrshached "I yam what I yam and dat's all that I yam, I'm Moses the Sailor Man" ) in my mind.
    Thanked by 2CHGiffen CharlesW
  • canadashcanadash
    Posts: 1,501
    A child practicing the Act of Contrition: "Oh my gosh, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee..."

    Priest: The prayer begins: "Oh my God..."

    Child: "But Father... my parents said I'm not allowed to say 'Oh my God'.... only 'Oh my gosh'. "
    Thanked by 5Casavant Organist Liam CHGiffen M. Jackson Osborn ZacPB189
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,978
    zealously scrupulous lector (aka "slow talker of America")


    I think he also works with us. The word......of..............the..... Lord.
  • MBWMBW
    Posts: 175
    OK, if we are going to slow talking lectors, there is one time in the liturgical year where I have observed a distressing phenomenon. This is the first reading at the Easter Vigil. When the lector (this has happened at more than one of my church jobs and to several lectors) becomes infected with the idea that the reading should take as long as did creation itself.

    By the end of the first day, I am anxious.
    By the end of the second day, I am fuming.
    By the end of the third day, choir member brings water because "you shouldn't be turning red."
    By the end of the fourth day, vision swimming, pounding headache.
    By the end of the fifth day, sightlessly slumping on bench, assistant propping.
    By the end of the sixth day, make a homicidal run at the ambo, restrained by burly alto.
    At the end of the seventh day, ALL BETTER!

    Having had this experience several times has, I believe, shortened by life by a decade.
    Thanked by 2CharlesW Casavant Organist
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,978
    Mercifully, the new pastor has cut the readings to numbers 1, 3, 5, and 7 instead of doing all seven. Since we sing the psalms after the readings, it helps to cut the number down. We can at least get home for a few hours sleep before coming back for morning masses the next day.
  • Casavant Organist
    Posts: 805
    The Joe Zsigray "Lord, Send Out Your Spirit" was botched last year all because the refrain repeats 4 times before the verse, but the conductor brought us in on the second time and the fourth time, leaving the congregation confused as to why they were singing the 3rd and 4th time. Similar incident on the same night, my organist obviously fell asleep and went to the refrain in the middle of the 4th verse. We will never let him forget it!
  • OlivierOlivier
    Posts: 58
    My face I did not shield from bullets and spitting
    Thanked by 1scholista
  • Casavant Organist
    Posts: 805
    "A reading from the Thesse- Thesse- Thes-se-lon-i-ans. Finally" I didn't think that finally was part of the introduction to the reading!
    Thanked by 1scholista
  • Andrew_Malton
    Posts: 1,186
    "Jesus went out with his disciples across the Kidron Alley..."
    Thanked by 1scholista
  • ClergetKubiszClergetKubisz
    Posts: 1,912
    "Caroosafay heeym, caroosafay heeym!"
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    "Caroosafay heeym.....

    So then, Clerget, you, too, live in Texas.
    Thanked by 1CharlesW
  • Michael Mills
    Posts: 5
    "...we pray also for the success of the holy sy-NOD...".
    Prayed for the success of the holy nod for three weeks, in a row.
    Thanked by 1scholista
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