What funny things have you heard at Mass? (Updated Title)
  • Richard MixRichard Mix
    Posts: 2,798
    Oh, not an entirely bad person, Adam; more like a project ;-) See if this context and accompanying sound effect (I now feel a bit naughty myself, having been caught off guard) help get it out of your system.
  • MHIMHI
    Posts: 324
    .
  • kurtbarragankurtbarragan
    Posts: 6
    Adam, I understand completely. A lot of American pronunciations (and spellings) make me giggle. It's not that one is "better" or "more correct" than the other, they are just different. In fact, some American spellings and pronunciations are more logical and etymologically consistent. That doesn't stop them sounding strange to my English ear [edited to add: or looking strange to my English eye].

    These things also change over time - I have older English recordings which opt for "JAY-zu". Everything more recent I can find matches my own experience of "JEE-zoo".

    MHI: I can only speak for my own experience but around here (South London) you would be much more likely to hear JEE-zoo [ˈdʒizu] than JEE-zyu [ˈdʒiːzju]. To my ear, the latter would sound not like natural speech but like a parody or an artificial attempt to sound correct and refined. This may be a regional thing - English pronunciation varies enormously here too. (And not just geographically - I've found that Anglicans sometimes have very different ideas about pronunciation!)

    Anywhere, here's a version that was broadcast on the BBC's "Songs of Praise":
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSZg6sQ5J2k
  • Adam WoodAdam Wood
    Posts: 6,481
    (And not just geographically - I've found that Anglicans sometimes have very different ideas about pronunciation!)


    I've noticed a handful of Biblical names (people, places) that seem to get pronounced differently by Catholics and Protestants (and whatever their pretensions, I've only ever heard Episcopalians pronounce things the Protestant way).

    The only example I can remember off the top of my head is:
    Cath: SIL-oh-AWM
    Prot: sil-OH-um

    I know there are others.
  • ScottKChicago
    Posts: 349
    One standard used by many Episcopalians/Anglicans is the Englished pronunciations given in some editions of the King James Bible (aka Authorized Version). I think it would give Siloam as sigh-LOW-um or something similar. That may also be where the standard choral pronunciation of Israel comes from: IZ-ray-el. And HIGH-vites for Hivites.
  • Liam
    Posts: 5,092
    I've heard both. Jeezoo strikes me as more idiomatic English, Yaysoo as more Latinized (reverse formation when it's spelled Jesu) than idiomatic English.
  • G
    Posts: 1,400
    "Letter to the Fallopians".

    (Save the Liturgy, Save the World)
    Thanked by 4marajoy Aristotle Esguerra Gavin tomboysuze
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 5,193
    "And now as our Savior taught us, we are told to say."
    Thanked by 2Adam Wood Casavant Organist
  • SJBCmusic
    Posts: 36
    Adam, you're right about Catholic pronunciations! Here are a few other proper names many Catholics refuse to pronounce according to what appears in any English dictionary: Israel, Elisha, Baal, Sirach, Ephraim. Many also have trouble with Nineveh.
    Thanked by 1Gavin
  • MHIMHI
    Posts: 324
    .
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    Isn't there a Robert Frost poem to help us here:

    Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice......

  • Aristotle EsguerraAristotle Esguerra
    Posts: 1,186
    "Preserve in prayer." Rom 12:12
  • scholistascholista
    Posts: 109
    From Sunday's Epistle (13th Sunday in Ordinary time: Galatians 5:18)

    "...But if you are guided by the Spirit, you are not under the law."

    Lector concludes: The Word Of The Law. An easy slip, for sure! :D
  • Bruce E. Ford
    Posts: 431
    ICEL: Pardon the offenses of your peoples, we pray, O Lord,
    and in your goodness set us free
    from the bonds of the sins
    we have committed in our weakness.
    Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,
    who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
    one God, for ever and ever.
    -----

    Cranmer had already translated many of the collects elegantly. Why didn't ICEL just "update" his translations, replacing obsolete words and second person singular forms. Here's what would have resulted in this case:

    O Lord, we beseech you [to] absolve your people from their offenses,
    that through your bountiful goodness
    we may be delivered from the bonds of those sins which by our frailty we have committed.
    Thanked by 6CHGiffen M. Jackson Osborn Adam Wood tomboysuze Salieri bdh
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 5,193
    O Lord, we beseech you [to] absolve your people from their offenses,
    that through your bountiful goodness
    we may be delivered from the bonds of those sins which by our frailty we have committed.
    Amen.
  • SkirpRSkirpR
    Posts: 854
    ICEL: Pardon the offenses of your peoples, we pray, O Lord,
    and in your goodness set us free
    from the bonds of the sins
    we have committed in our weakness.
    Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,
    who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
    one God, for ever and ever.

    O Lord, we beseech you [to] absolve your people from their offenses,
    that through your bountiful goodness
    we may be delivered from the bonds of those sins which by our frailty we have committed.


    Either way, the big problem here (which I have actually heard!) is not pausing sufficiently before the doxology!

    "...sins we have committed in our weakness, through our Lord Jesus Christ..."
    or
    "...sins which by our frailty we have committed, through Christ our Lord..."

    Perhaps word order could/should have even been reordered to avoid that perception/problem?
    Thanked by 1Adam Wood
  • SkirpRSkirpR
    Posts: 854
    Which reminded me of a second-hand story about a now elderly Cardinal, who would consistently misplace the comma at the start of the Palm Sunday instruction under the old translation...

    Instead of:
    "Dear friends in Christ, for forty days we have prepared..."

    He would pause so that it read:
    "Dear friends in Christ for forty days, we have prepared..."

    I guess being friends was only a Lenten observance.
    Thanked by 2tomboysuze Casavant Organist
  • Adam WoodAdam Wood
    Posts: 6,481
    It was pretty recently that I realized that "through Jesus Christ" did not modify "which we are about to receive from thy bounty," which I have prayed at least once a day every day of my life.
    Thanked by 3SkirpR Gavin tomboysuze
  • Caleferink
    Posts: 434
    My embarrassing moment as a conductor: dress rehearsal for Christmas midnight Mass a few years ago. It was the last prelude piece before Mass began, and it had a big, dramatic conclusion. I was using a baton as we had a brass ensemble with the choir and organ. I go to give the big upbeat cue for the finale when, on said upbeat, I hit the underside of my music stand with the baton, causing it to go flying into the soprano section end over end. Things hadn't been going quite as well as I had hoped that evening with the rehearsal, and I was just about to rip some of them a new one until this happened and we all had to laugh for five minutes straight over it. I suppose that was God telling me to look and laugh at myself before going off on my poor volunteer choir doing the best job they could!
    Thanked by 1marajoy
  • KARU27
    Posts: 184
    Wait - - the baton went flying end over end, or the music stand?
    Thanked by 2ZacPB189 CHGiffen
  • jpal
    Posts: 365
    Heard at a wedding yesterday: "A reading from Paint Saul to the Ephessy-ens."

    Thanked by 1Casavant Organist
  • Musicteacher56
    Posts: 621
    Okay....so a page back I made a comment that we shouldn't laugh at our lectors.....and I meant it.....BUT.....and, I ask God's forgiveness for this......last week's reading from Ecclesiastes brought a new low of pronunciations......"A reading from the book of Ekkee lastings" and this from a catechist. I can only hope she learns the correct pronunciation prior to the beginning of the religious education season.

    I actually did a double take and proceeded to laugh out loud. Like I said, I ask God's forgiveness.......
    Thanked by 1scholista
  • jeffinpa
    Posts: 6
    We should probably pray for our lectors next Sunday. They've got Zedekiah and Malchiah. Those aren't so bad compared to Ebed-melech the Cushite!

    May the Lord have mercy upon us.
    Thanked by 1scholista
  • Carl DCarl D
    Posts: 992
    If our God doesn't have a sense of humor, then we're totally sunk!
    Thanked by 5scholista tomboysuze Gavin Bobby Bolin Casavant Organist
  • matthewjmatthewj
    Posts: 2,700
    Psalmists have a few interesting ones at the Vigil of the Assumption. Prepare to update this thread.
  • SalieriSalieri
    Posts: 3,177
    From last nights epistle:

    "... whether thrones or dromedaries or principalities or powers; ..."

    The irony of ironies is that that this was the lector that can never pronounce "dromedaries" when it actually occurs during the reading.
    Thanked by 1scholista
  • tomboysuzetomboysuze
    Posts: 289
    @ Caleferink - love that! so Freudian, eh? for my part, I have noticed a certain wildness in God's mercy - or perhaps it's just perfect ironic justice that is so often revealed in His mercy.
  • PhilotheaPhilothea
    Posts: 43
    After Mass a couple weeks ago, Father told me a story where a lector was reading Genesis (Abraham and the brazier (BRAY-zhur)) but, you guessed it, the lector said bruh-ZEER.

    After I read the Letter to the Hebrews a couple weeks ago at Mass, I spoke with the Liturgical Director about how horrible Paul's run-on sentences are. She shared with me about a funeral where the family was doing the readings. One of the deceased's daughters came up, livid, saying, "WHO wrote this stuff? This grammar is TERRIBLE! My father was a [insert occupation which requires proper grammar] and he'd be rolling over in his grave!"


    Maybe I'm just easily entertained, but I think spoonerisms are hilarious.


    I am, unfortunately, known for my tendency toward spoonerisms. My most "famous" spoonerism (circa 1998) is: "put that in your pope and smike it". I am also known for "cooking bakies."

    Wow, that's disturbing. My iPad keeps correcting "bakies" into babies! Yikes!
    Thanked by 5CHGiffen expeditus1 scholista PurpleSquirrel ClergetKubisz
  • ScottKChicago
    Posts: 349
    I am, unfortunately, known for my tendency toward spoonerisms. My most "famous" spoonerism (circa 1998) is: "put that in your pope and smike it". I am also known for "cooking bakies."


    "One of the ushers will be glad to sew you to your sheet."
    "The Lord is indeed a shoving leopard."
    Thanked by 2ZacPB189 expeditus1
  • PhilotheaPhilothea
    Posts: 43
    Yes, I saw that up above and "thanked" you. Laughed until my stomach hurt :D
  • Liam
    Posts: 5,092
    Reminds me of the Pillsbury dough boy that was burned in tragic Passover chametz cleaning accident...
    Thanked by 1ZacPB189
  • SkirpRSkirpR
    Posts: 854
    My wife was embarassed at singing "our Lord the God" ("the Lord our God") in the responsorial psalm last weekend - her first time as psalmist at our new parish!
    Thanked by 1scholista
  • scholistascholista
    Posts: 109
    Today's Old Testament reading of Amos 6:7 - Therefore, now they shall be the first to go into exile, and their wanton revelry [said by the lector as wonton revelry, as in Chinese cuisine] shall be done away with.

    Wonton revelry? This doesn't sound like a punishable offense, but rather a delightful food fest. I started salivating at Mass! :D
    Thanked by 1PurpleSquirrel
  • Spriggo
    Posts: 122
    Yesterday this was heard during the Responsorial Psalm:

    "The Lord upholds the orphan and the window."
    Thanked by 3scholista PurpleSquirrel Casavant Organist
  • Steve QSteve Q
    Posts: 121
    On the Feast of the Presentation of the Lord:

    "...that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest before God to expedite the sins of the people."
    Thanked by 4expeditus1 scholista PurpleSquirrel Casavant Organist
  • matthewjmatthewj
    Posts: 2,700
    "lift up your gates, you lentils"
    Thanked by 3expeditus1 PurpleSquirrel Casavant Organist
  • Nicholas_Will
    Posts: 56
    Heard yesterday: "For he is like the refiner's fire, or like the fuller's rye."
    Thanked by 2canadash scholista
  • tedeum
    Posts: 1
    Simon the Korean...
    Thanked by 4Adam Wood CharlesW PurpleSquirrel Casavant Organist
  • G
    Posts: 1,400
    I recently noticed that quite a few people around me during the Rosary (sorry, devotion, not liturgy; and PIP not lector,) in the Hail Holy Queen say "pray for OUR sinners."

    (Save the Liturgy, Save the World)
    Thanked by 1Casavant Organist
  • Claire H
    Posts: 370

    An organist I used to sing with said that the cantor at the previous Mass had sung "they mock me with parted lips, they wag their tails" (Ps 22) instead of "wagged their heads". :D
    Thanked by 1Casavant Organist
  • Richard MixRichard Mix
    Posts: 2,798
    pray for OUR sinners.

    On Yom Kippur there is an "alphabet of woe" chanted while one strikes one's chest after each confession. I once noticed a women turn at one point and slug the man beside her with all her force, before going back to beating her own breast for the rest of the litany. By the time I got to a Hebrew dictionary I couldn't remember exactly whether it occurred at gluttony or stubbornness.
    Thanked by 3CHGiffen PurpleSquirrel Casavant Organist
  • ContinuousbassContinuousbass
    Posts: 357
    Priest raises arms, "The LORD bewitch you."
    Thanked by 2PurpleSquirrel Casavant Organist
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,215
    Ooh, scary! :-)
    Thanked by 1Casavant Organist
  • melofluentmelofluent
    Posts: 4,160
    Ooh, scary! :-)

    But if the priest is Fr. Pfleger outta ChiTown, it could be interpreted-
    "The Lord be wit choo."
    Thanked by 1Casavant Organist
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    NEURALGIC HUMOR warning

    A priest friend of mine used to recount the number of times he heard "Quasymooose" for "Quaesumus"

  • ny_ct_fl_ms_organist
    Posts: 33
    I was doused directly in the face with a close-range full sprinkle of Holy Water while I was leading the Asperges. My hair, glasses, blouse, music and the inside of my open mouth were drenched. In my surprise, not only did I drop two words but I made a loud "ssshhhpfffft" sound.
  • francis
    Posts: 10,821
    ny_

    Yea, sometimes I hold the hymnal up at eye level if I am cantoring and the priest is approaching in order to prevent excessive holy h20 saturation.
    Thanked by 2ny_ct_fl_ms_organist ClergetKubisz
  • ClergetKubiszClergetKubisz
    Posts: 1,912
    Anybody ever accidentally hit a cluster of high notes (or low if pedals) on the organ in the middle of an elevation during silence? Happened to me!
    Thanked by 3Andrew Motyka hilluminar Casavant Organist
  • SalieriSalieri
    Posts: 3,177
    My favorite one was nodding off one day and falling face-first onto Full Swell - with the box open, no less. Lesson learned: GENERAL CANCEL.
    Thanked by 6CHGiffen canadash Andrew Motyka Adam Wood nun_34 Casavant Organist
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,978
    My organ professor once said, if you accidentally pull on the en chamade trumpet during communion, they will notice!

    I haven't hit the pedals accidentally, but there was that trumpet cipher once that I had difficulty getting stopped.
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