When the joy is gone
  • monahartselle
    Posts: 2
    After nearly 50 years of church musicianship, paid and volunteer, I left music ministry at my parish. I was not director or accompanist at this point, but a cantor. The volunteer environment had become toxic, and despite reducing my role in the ministry and communicating with both the director and the pastor, I could not resolve the stress I was feeling. So for the first time in a long time, I am singing in the pews and finding myself very conspicuous indeed. I care very much about sacred music still and sing during mass. I am wondering if anyone in this forum has experienced anything like this and how you handled it.
    Thanked by 1Verbum_Gloriae
  • NoahLovinsNoahLovins
    Posts: 7
    More or less. I had been a cantor in our schola for 5 and half years, before I was dating my wife. During that time, I had learned so much, and watched the schola evolve and grow into a great brotherhood. I even began teaching private students how to chant. But also during that time, I got married and had a bunch of kids. My options were either go with them to the Low Mass (where they will grow up thinking a Mass with no singing is the default, not what I want for them), or have them come to the high Mass but only let my wife keep track of the while I go sing. Neither option was ideal, so I ultimately left our schola to be in the pews with my wife and kids during the liturgy.
    Thanked by 1Verbum_Gloriae
  • irishtenoririshtenor
    Posts: 1,432
    I only occasionally participate in the sacred music at our parish now. I used to direct choir, play organ, cantor, etc. Now with a pew full of children, my wife needs my support on a weekly basis. I'll be back in the choir loft eventually, but now this is all I can do. If they are really hard up for an organist or cantor, I'll do it, but not at the Mass my family and I regularly attend.
    Thanked by 1Verbum_Gloriae
  • janetgorbitzjanetgorbitz
    Posts: 960
    I had a similar situation when my children were small. My husband travelled for his work a lot on weekends, so I was wrangling the kids on my own whenever he was gone. I couldn't possibly commit to singing with a choir during those times.

    Also, there were occasions along the many places we lived where the parish was great, but the music not so much. For various reasons we stayed at parishes where this was the case from time to time. No way I would sing with some of the groups due to either repertory choices or the quality of singing, etc.

    It's not all bad to sing from the pews and give the people around you implied permission to do the same!
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