Mme. -
Magnum Hysterium.
That's priceless.

FWIW, while this is a wonderful satire of editing, in recent decades I've lamented the passing from the scene of *good* editors:

https://twitter.com/john_boyne/status/1339138672910880770/photo/1

I've always loved this joke
Q: How many choir directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: No one knows; nobody ever watches the choir director.

Last month I heard a different version of this which I like better :-)
A: Light?! You don't need light. You should know this piece by now.

That popcorn joke is apparently a real quote attributed to Abp. Fulton Sheen.

Groan. But I shouldn't talk because I made one up about how the Mafia put a contract on J.S., but called it off because the don decided it wasn't right to be Offenbach.

And last, my answer to "Mostly Mozart" concerts:

"A Foray into Fauré"

true story

In my growing up years, my mother sang in our parish choir.
She was also a heavy smoker, which eventually ruined her voice.

At about age 65 she moved to this city, and began attending the Mass where I was singing in choir.

One day she told me, "I pick a seat and proceed to just sing away. I have a great time and the other people around me start to sing more loudly - maybe just to drown me out. When I have all of them singing, i move to another part of the church and sing there."

With a twinkle she added, "I think of it as my apostolate."

Swans sing...

I'm reminded of one of music's most beautiful adventures -
Gibbons's The Silver Swan.

It must be Le Cygne, by Saint-Saëns, one of the best-known movements from his "Carnival of Animals" - originally for solo violoncello & piano (but often transcribed for other instruments, especially violin or viola), here played by Yo-Yo Ma and Kathryn Stott:

https://youtu.be/3qrKjywjo7Q

Because it is beautiful, and for many people that is enough. (Especially if they have no concept of what the liturgy is actually for or about)

I think you are correct, Charles; to say nothing of the fact that most people are so musically illiterate, they have no context for anything that they hear anyway… So to them it’s all just “classical music”. That is such a broad and nebulous category to most people that it basically equates to “fancy music” and not much more.

Hmmm ... like the Pachelbel Canon in D?

@MarkB

I prefer songs of reparation to the Sacred Heart and the Holy Face to PREVENT the rock from being hurled... however, I think the organist may be justified in his presentation nonetheless. Fifth angel syndrome.

https://biblehub.com/drbc/revelation/9.htm

"Here's a hymn for Sunday:"

Joseph Murray DISCLAIMER (6-19-22):
In the interest of clarity, based on some of the commentary here, NO, this is not a real song, YES, the Pastor of the church in question has heard it and thinks it's hilarious, NO, it does not represent the beliefs of this congregation. If your sense of humor is limited by your interpretation of the faith, that sounds like a conversation you need to have with your God.
thanks to everybody who shared this, I had no idea it would get that popular /blockquote>

“If God doesn’t smite New York pretty soon, He owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.”

The Fraggle Psalter:
https://youtu.be/UugWhAh_EdA

How do you stop a guitarist from playing?
Give them a Latin text.

Francis,

Surely you don't have to give him a Latin text to get him to stop playing. Give him anything without chord markings.

Charles,

Immanuel "He whom even the Germans read in translation" Kant?

Unrelated to the above: I am not sure an American audience would produce the effect of this British audience chorus:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KsF309XpJo

Serviam,

I haven't listened to the link, yet, but your reference to Barber's Adagio stirred in me feelings you (apparently) didn't have: loathing, for example. I hope that's not what you meant, and I hope that's not what the link provides, either.

Jacob Collier background info: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob_Collier

But aspects of that step-wise audience choir encore also reminded me of the harmonic movement of this (obviously sans Armenian-chant inflected melismatic trumpet line), the Prayer of St Gregory by the late Alan Hovahness:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kitMvDfkOG8

Here are some bulletin bloopers that are always good to read. I'm sure they have appeared in church bulletins before.

1. Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
2.Thursday night - Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
8. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken up to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
9. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

„a harmonic minor second: two Altos singing in unison.“

Not funny if both are mic'd; we had that treat yesterday at the 9:00 Mass.

And, for those who wish for something a little lighter - St. Joseph of Cupertino, the original Air Friar.

the ire of the organ... could probably cook eggs on this!

https://www.classicfm.com/discover-music/instruments/organ/shoots-flames-bach-toccata-fugue/