On the lighter side
  • at least for volunteer choirs,
    those who know what they are doing is one thing
    those who are in control is quite something else.

    From time to time I remember our choir's unofficial name ... the Magnum Hysterium
  • Mme. -
    Magnum Hysterium.
    That's priceless.
  • A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding cake with
    1 John 4:18, which reads

    "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."

    The bakery evidently lost, smudged or otherwise misread the noted reference, and beautifully inscribed on the cake
    John 4:18...

    "for you have had five husbands, and the man you have now is not your husband."
  • Liam
    Posts: 4,605
    FWIW, while this is a wonderful satire of editing, in recent decades I've lamented the passing from the scene of *good* editors:

    https://twitter.com/john_boyne/status/1339138672910880770/photo/1
  • That's priceless, Liam -
    It causeth one to wonder whether or not editors are literate!
    (Judging from the grammar and vocabulary of most new books that I peruse at the bookseller's, neither their editors nor their authors are.)
  • I've always loved this joke
    Q: How many choir directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: No one knows; nobody ever watches the choir director.

    Last month I heard a different version of this which I like better :-)
    A: Light?! You don't need light. You should know this piece by now.
  • From one who generally thinks that holy things should not be the subject of humour -

    What did the priest say when asked what it was like hearing a nun's confession?
    After a brief moment he said 'well, it's sort of like being stoned to death with popcorn'.

    And, I've always liked this one (which may or may not be appochryphal) -

    A priest was going about a battlefield during WWI saying the last rights over fallen soldiers. When he came to one, his friend standing by said 'you needn't do that, Father, he didn't believe in God'.The priest's immediate response was 'well... he does now'.

  • ServiamScores
    Posts: 1,767
    That popcorn joke is apparently a real quote attributed to Abp. Fulton Sheen.
    Thanked by 1M. Jackson Osborn
  • Ship of Fools used to have a thread called "Organists Behaving Badly." The story was told of the funeral of an Episcopal choir drector who was known for her extreme, shall we say, self-assurance. During the service---I believe this was on a dare---the organist performed an improvisation on "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead."
  • Scott_WScott_W
    Posts: 462
    Groan. But I shouldn't talk because I made one up about how the Mafia put a contract on J.S., but called it off because the don decided it wasn't right to be Offenbach.

    And last, my answer to "Mostly Mozart" concerts:

    "A Foray into Fauré"
  • StimsonInRehabStimsonInRehab
    Posts: 1,821
    To be fair: the mafia don asked his top hit man about Offenbach, and he replied “Sure thing, boss. I can can him.”
  • true story

    In my growing up years, my mother sang in our parish choir.
    She was also a heavy smoker, which eventually ruined her voice.

    At about age 65 she moved to this city, and began attending the Mass where I was singing in choir.

    One day she told me, "I pick a seat and proceed to just sing away. I have a great time and the other people around me start to sing more loudly - maybe just to drown me out. When I have all of them singing, i move to another part of the church and sing there."

    With a twinkle she added, "I think of it as my apostolate."
  • My father used to quote someone (whom we never identified) who said this:

    "Swans sing before they die; 'twere no bad thing, should certain people die before they sing".
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,213
    Swans sing...
    I'm reminded of one of music's most beautiful adventures -
    Gibbons's The Silver Swan.
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen
  • Jackson,

    All I can think of with the title La Cygne is a piece played on viola and organ in a parish where I, formerly, sang.
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,943
    It must be Le Cygne, by Saint-Saëns, one of the best-known movements from his "Carnival of Animals" - originally for solo violoncello & piano (but often transcribed for other instruments, especially violin or viola), here played by Yo-Yo Ma and Kathryn Stott:

    https://youtu.be/3qrKjywjo7Q


    Thanked by 2CharlesW LauraKaz
  • Charles,

    Yes, that's possible. On the other hand, why would an otherwise reputable musician trying to run a model music program in a parish have a visiting violist play this at Mass?
  • ServiamScores
    Posts: 1,767
    Because it is beautiful, and for many people that is enough. (Especially if they have no concept of what the liturgy is actually for or about)
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,674
    I think, too, that some pieces once had strong secular connections. That context is lost a hundred years later and they are now just considered beautiful compositions.
  • ServiamScores
    Posts: 1,767
    I think you are correct, Charles; to say nothing of the fact that most people are so musically illiterate, they have no context for anything that they hear anyway… So to them it’s all just “classical music”. That is such a broad and nebulous category to most people that it basically equates to “fancy music” and not much more.
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 9,935
    And the real crux of the problem is that people think anything that’s “beautiful” is acceptable at Mass. That is a very secular mentality, and a very protestant one at that.
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,943
    Hmmm ... like the Pachelbel Canon in D?
  • MarkB
    Posts: 839
    Here's a hymn for Sunday:
    https://youtu.be/hkTgYiMDRHY
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 9,935
    @MarkB

    I prefer songs of reparation to the Sacred Heart and the Holy Face to PREVENT the rock from being hurled... however, I think the organist may be justified in his presentation nonetheless. Fifth angel syndrome.

    https://biblehub.com/drbc/revelation/9.htm
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,674
    Here's a hymn for Sunday:


    Sounds like it was written by some of the Marian apparition devotees. Doom and gloom and agony on me...
  • a_f_hawkins
    Posts: 3,062
    "Here's a hymn for Sunday:"
    Joseph Murray DISCLAIMER (6-19-22):
    In the interest of clarity, based on some of the commentary here, NO, this is not a real song, YES, the Pastor of the church in question has heard it and thinks it's hilarious, NO, it does not represent the beliefs of this congregation. If your sense of humor is limited by your interpretation of the faith, that sounds like a conversation you need to have with your God.
    thanks to everybody who shared this, I had no idea it would get that popular /blockquote>
    Thanked by 1Elmar
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,674
    I realize it is a joke but there are folks who really think like that.
  • ServiamScores
    Posts: 1,767
    “If God doesn’t smite New York pretty soon, He owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.”
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 8,921
    The asteroid song sounds like a take-off on the political bumper sticker from a few years ago that campaigned for a "Giant Meteor" to hit the earth and spare us any of the politicians winning.
    Thanked by 2CharlesW bhcordova
  • MarkB
    Posts: 839
    The Fraggle Psalter:
    https://youtu.be/UugWhAh_EdA
    Thanked by 1Andrew_Malton
  • ghmus7
    Posts: 1,372
    How do you stop a guitarist from playing?
    Put some music in front of them.
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 9,935
    How do you stop a guitarist from playing?
    Give them a Latin text.
  • ghmus7
    Posts: 1,372
    There was in olden times a violin maker who was quite famous for his elaborately carved violins.
    One year, he tried a new carved violin, which featured an especially beautiful scroll at the end.
    Unfortunately, violinists complained that the new violins had a rather dead sounding middle C.
    The builder had to abandon the model, and they became known as the Dead C Scrolls.
  • Francis,

    Surely you don't have to give him a Latin text to get him to stop playing. Give him anything without chord markings.
    Thanked by 1LauraKaz
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,943
    A college philosophy professor once asked his class if anyone knew of a philosopher superbly skilled at critical thinking. One student suggested, "I'm not sure of anyone who can, although I do know Immanuel Kant."
  • Charles,

    Immanuel "He whom even the Germans read in translation" Kant?
    Thanked by 1Elmar
  • .
  • Liam
    Posts: 4,605
    Unrelated to the above: I am not sure an American audience would produce the effect of this British audience chorus:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KsF309XpJo
  • ServiamScores
    Posts: 1,767
    This gave me chills. Made me a bit emotional, actually. Had the same effect on me as the Barber Adagio. Would make for an interesting vocal warmup exercise.

    This merely proves the point that people are eager to be in harmony, and naturally intuit harmony, and not the wretched crap that post-modernist, atonal, and serial composers put out.
    Thanked by 2Liam LauraKaz
  • Serviam,

    I haven't listened to the link, yet, but your reference to Barber's Adagio stirred in me feelings you (apparently) didn't have: loathing, for example. I hope that's not what you meant, and I hope that's not what the link provides, either.
  • ServiamScores
    Posts: 1,767
    No; I think the link is pretty cool. It’s like Barber in its constant sustain, with swells and dims and lots of suspensions. I like the Adagio, however.
  • Liam
    Posts: 4,605
    Jacob Collier background info: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob_Collier

    But aspects of that step-wise audience choir encore also reminded me of the harmonic movement of this (obviously sans Armenian-chant inflected melismatic trumpet line), the Prayer of St Gregory by the late Alan Hovahness:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kitMvDfkOG8
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen
  • Speaking of Alan Hovahness, he wrote several choral pieces in renaissance motet style. Praise ye the Lord is one that comes to mind. They are about as easy as If ye Love Me and are quite lovely.
  • Don9of11Don9of11
    Posts: 593
    Here are some bulletin bloopers that are always good to read. I'm sure they have appeared in church bulletins before.

    1. Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
    2.Thursday night - Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
    3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
    4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
    6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
    7. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
    8. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken up to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
    9. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 9,935
    Some of these had me in tears ...especially lay an egg

    Thanked by 2Carol LauraKaz
  • dad29
    Posts: 2,160
    „a harmonic minor second: two Altos singing in unison.“


    Not funny if both are mic'd; we had that treat yesterday at the 9:00 Mass.