(Rim shot.)

What did Bach have for a midday repast?
Why, a Bach's lunch, of course.

We could never have guessed the Sequence of events that awaited us upon rising from our Nocturn-al repose. We began our day with a Positivly Swell breakfast, and then did some work in our Beet Garden, which turned out to be a lot of Treble. So, after Fiddling around for a while, having a Longa conversation on the 'phone with Clara Net, who was her usual Mordent self, then reading a Libretto by a friend of ours who was a Major in the marines (we really had a Time deciphering his Signature), we went Chopin at Tomkins's emporium on Regent Square and bought a couple of Brahms to sweep the Bach porch with. There was also some Byrd seed on our Liszt - and a bottle of Cliquot's Mixture which Mimi takes to keep her voice from Quavering. While Part of the way home we saw three little boys Messiaen around and playing Haydn seek in the park. One of them was not as Tallis the others, somewhat sMahler, actually, but that seemed a Relatively Minor factor in their apparent Unison of spirits. Leaving this jocund little Triad, we crossed over the Greene Bridge and had veritable Transports de Joie as we listened to the Water making Music as it gurgled over the little stones and pebbles in the brook below. We then stopped at Monteverdi's for luncheon, where the music was delightful, Fiori Musicali one might say. Eschewing the stuffed Krebs, we each had Shephard's pie (and left not a Crumb), topped off with orange Schubert for dessert - and Wolfgang (he Howells at the slightest little thing) was fit to be Tyed (and, not at all Well Tempered, he Flat out let us know it in a Mean-tone) when told that we might fly out of Britten for the week-end, maybe to St Gall, if we could think of a good Raison. We thought, though, that we both should visit the Barber on Duke Street before leaving because our Harris was getting sort of long and in need of, shall we say, Diminution - plus, George's Handel-bar mustache was rather badly Augmented and needed to be Diminished in order for it to be Perfect. All told, we had a d'Indy time but needed a Rest, made all the more pleasurable with a Fifth of Bordon, though I would prefer a gin and Tonic. Oh, and everywhere we went people were talking about the Crotchety old man (he was of no Note and not very Sharp) who fell off a Clef and lived to tell about it. Fortunatusly, his injuries were Minim-al, for which he gave a Measure of thanks. But for such luck he could well have been up a Grieg without a paddle.

.

(with thanks to Andrew Leung on ccwatershed)

Prayer of Confession for Choir Members
Almighty and most merciful Conductor,
we have erred and strayed from thy beat like lost sheep;
we have followed too much the intonations and tempi of our own hearts.
we have offended against thy dynamic markings.
we have left unsung those notes that we ought to have sung,
and we have sung those notes that we ought not to have sung,
and there is no support in us.

But thou, O Conductor, have mercy upon us, miserable singers;
succor the chorally challenged;
restore them that need sectionals;
spare thou them that have no pencils.
pardon our mistakes, and have faith that hereafter we will follow
thy directions and sing together in perfect harmony.

@Carol ... For years Christ Church (Episcopal) Charlottesville had (perhaps still has) a program of noon-time concerts called Bach's Lunch, and I sang at a few of them when I lived there.

I had a friend who called those appetizers crud ites, with a long i. I also have an acquaintance who says caraf ee for a thermos pitcher. I gave myself great credit for outgrowing my grade school "know-it-all" disease and refrained from correcting them.

Below is an old post from 2014.
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The following was sent to me by a cantor friend. Perhaps it should be entitled, "How Many Musical Puns Can be Squeezed Into an Octave." Whether you chuckle or groan as you read the material below is entirely up to you.
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So a C, an E-flat, and a G walk into a bar….

The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

Then a D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me, I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-Flat hiding at the end of the bar and says. “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “You’re looking exceptionally sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.

Eventually C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and every thing else has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.

MJO, that is beautiful!

Yes they are the PRINCIPAL ORGANizers. (:/)

our church organist will invite the great, the swell.... and the choir.

I am BELLOWING with laughter concerning the OVERTURES on this subject.

Well, MJO, that is the 64 FOOT predicament in my opinion.

I have a very uneasy MIXTURE of feelings about this whole thing... it has greatly upset my digestive DIVISION, and just makes me want to SPITZ FLUTES! It is time for me to take ACTION and put a STOP to all of you... you... OVERBLOWN ... WIND GENERATOR!

It is far beyond time to SHUTTER you up...

Your in a real CIPHER now!;

I may have to remove your VOX HUMANA!

Please... STOP PEDALING this nonsense or you will be CANCELed once for all... you.. you,,,

...BLOKFLOTE. (And that includes the umlaut, for heavens sake).

Do you alway have to be so ELECTROPNEUMATIC?

Get off your SIMULACRUM, ditch the FACADE and face me like a MAN(ual).

How can you be so RANK?

Do I detect a TREMELO in your knees?

Let’s DUET!

BOMBARDES away!!!!

Re: "IMITATION of scholarship." — I thought it might well be: "MUTATION of scholarship."

There! I got that off my CHEST.

Not sure that SECOND BASS is appropriate at a church musicians' party, though.

And beware the TENOR (twelve) bringing open FIFTHs.

Oh no. What did I start?

The FINALE

thanks, I needed a smile today!

mmeladirectress, you're welcome. I'm glad there are people who find my dumb puns entertaining. I should add that I didn't write that last one, I'm just passing it on.

MJO, as long as there are musicians there will be dumb music jokes.

Liam, I always thought that is how you sounded like the tenors not the horns.

How about forcing a bass to sing alto? I was a member of a group that was formed to sing at a remembrance service. The music director of the church divided the group into sopranos, altos, and tenors. She had the tenor part higher than the altos. Here I am a bass trying to sing in the alto range! Wasn't fun.

I get it. Just my periodic occasion to wonder if choral music professors ever drill it into the heads of their students that most voices they will encounter in their amateur choirs will be mezzos and baritones, and that those voices won't neatly separate into SATB without sacrificing quality, as it were, so choose repertoire that exposes that reality very carefully.

The pastor walks into the choir rehearsal while they are practicing the introit. He asks the choir director: "What are you doing?" The choir director replies: "Nothing out of the Ordinary."

„a harmonic minor second: two Altos singing in unison.“....if there was a button to express my laughter at this, I would push it.

I don't like to use red pencils when marking up my music. It is very hard to erase if you need to make changes to the markings. But, I do prefer a hexagonal pencil to a round one. The hexagonal shape doesn't roll on the music stand.

Alright, I didn't intend for this to rhyme at first, since I was just going to comment on binders of music, pencils, and the app I use, but it did rhyme so ... on a thread for lighter fare ...

MJO,

As my choir binder grew and grew,
and I was losing track,
I switched over to an iPad new,
running my Forzando app.
Now all the scores are in their place,
alphabetized, or in a space,
where easily I find them.

To mark them up, I with handy stylus trace,
and quickly errant notes or entire lines erase.
"Crescendo here!" "Fermata there!"
Now I can without despair,
Annotate and then repair
My score at the director's whim.

Some have whims -
others have tantrums.
Those who really know what they are doing and are in control have neither.