The choir loft really is a ministry space—a sacred space set apart for the work of music in the liturgy. But that doesn’t mean it has to feel cold or impersonal.

At St. Mary’s, when I sang in the choir, we developed something like an “extended family” dynamic. Everyone understood their role and responsibility, but rehearsals often felt like a family gathering—warm, supportive, and rooted in something shared. We had a choir picnic in the summer and a Christmas party in the winter, and many times the pastor even footed the bill as a way of showing appreciation.

I think that balance is really what you’re aiming for: a space that is clearly ordered toward ministry, but still fosters genuine community in the right way.

One other thought regarding the former director—situations like that are always delicate.
If it were me, I’d try to handle that mostly one-on-one, and in a genuinely pastoral way. There’s often a lot of history and investment there, and that’s something worth respecting. In many ways, someone like that can be a real gift to the parish, especially in terms of institutional memory and care for the program.

At the same time, it does help to gently but clearly establish roles.

And if, after that, things don’t improve, it’s completely reasonable to bring the pastor into the conversation—not in a confrontational way, but just to make sure expectations are clearly supported and consistent from the top.

The priest is supportive and means well, but seems unable, or unwilling to manage this negative behavior, saying "they boss me around all the time and I just ignore it." However, in order to run a music ministry in service to the liturgy and church, I cannot allow entitled, domineering volunteers to "boss me around" and "just ignore it", and deflect with humor, which is the Priest's go-to coping mechanism.

Bad behavior being ignored is not reasonable to expect of everyone all the time.

Your input is most welcome. I don't think most of these choir members actually realize that the diocesan code of conduct actually applies to volunteers, as well as clergy and staff, so I anticipate some surprise at these guidelines.

I implicitly include the code of conduct: volunteers are indeed subjected to it, but non-W2s are not. However since it really is basic professional standards and the norms of Christian charity, severe and/or repeated lapses will lead to dismissal.

I would also make mention of the loft and rehearsal room expectations. Like, we don’t have food. Leaving snacks for longer rehearsals was a big problem in the past, and my pastor was adamant that no one should eat or leave food there. Water is allowed, but not hot or other beverages. Even sugar-free soda is off limits (it surely isn’t good for the paint, and we do have new paint in the loft, in addition to the potential scandal).

Our volunteers are pretty well behaved. Chatter is a problem. But I’m also part of that so I’m going to work on that as well. Our pros are great. I have pretty much no complaints. Arriving early is also something to work on: downbeat time is not the same as arrival time. If you can manage with five minutes or less, great. I don’t police that. But hopefully our choir rehearsal starting at 7 (versus schola at 6) and having rehearsals on weeknights and not only on Sunday mornings or before Mass will alleviate this problem a bit.

This problem sounds unsolvable. You are the director. Volunteers serve at your discretion.

If the pastor will not allow you to remove her, you should hit the job market. You should easily be able to find better working conditions.

Realistically, either she goes or you go. So I would suggest brainstorming ways to say that to your pastor as smoothly as possible.

Sorry, I just re-read your initial post. It's a great advantage that you have already started a schola. Could it be possible to add more good and cooperative singers (by audition only) to the schola and gradually fade out the other choir? Or have the "bad" choir sing once a month or every two weeks? Start a kid's chant-only choir which could sing Mass once a month? More Masses with cantors instead of choir?

Might work or not... But maybe the "bad" choir will feel less "important" if they realize you have lots of other options.

Am I mean? Good. LOL. (That's what I tell my grandkids too LOL.)

Thanks to all who have weighed in. Before I start a job search, I'm going to try to make things work especially since I've already established a nice chamber choir, and I bought a house! This is a rural area, and another job would involve a commute. The toxic, bullying ways of the former director and her little group of friends cannot be addressed if there's nothing holding them accountable in writing, right? And much of this boils down to education on what proper choir expectations actually look like, since the old group was kind of an insular, provincial glorified hymn-singing social clique led by a talented amatuer with, as she says, 2 years of piano lessons.

It also seems that with a Priest who is a Parish Administrator for life (after being moved from another parish) who's supportive and grateful, as he says, because donations are up due to higher quality music, he is mainly trying to keep the peace for his own career survival, and so I will need to "manage upward", respectfully of course. Because I've disclosed bullying/toxic behavior, along w/ the Priest's career status, these draft guidelines are redacted:

“Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness; come into his presence with singing.”
Psalm 100:1–2

XXX Choir Guidelines are grounded in the principles set forth in Sing to the Lord: Music in Divine Worship, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2007, and diocesan standards, and are conditions for participation.

Mission The music ministry at XXX Church exists to glorify God and serve the parish community. We honor the gift of participation through thoughtful preparation, humility, and teamwork. We are called to reflect the love of Christ - the foundation for effective musical service.

The Choirs provide a diverse repertoire for the parish. The Full Choir contributes music composed for larger ensembles, while Spirit Singers, our chamber choir, adds music written for smaller groups.

Code of Conduct We are governed by the Diocese of XXX Code of Pastoral Conduct, with requirements for respectful and ethical behavior among all volunteers, staff and clergy. Link: https://www.rockforddiocese.org/pdfs/chancery/pastoral_conduct_eng-xxx.pdf

Director’s Role Per Sing to the Lord: Music in Divine Worship USCCB, 2007, and diocesan standards, all matters regarding musical preparation and execution fall under the exclusive purview of the Director. https://archden.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/USCCB-Sing-To-The-Lord.pdf

Communication and Problem Solving We communicate with one another in a spirit of respect, kindness, and Christian charity. While differences of opinion may, from time to time, arise in any group, most issues can easily be resolved through common sense, a spirit of prayerful teamwork, and proper communication. Therefore, all questions, concerns, or suggestions must be brought promptly and directly to the Director so that a time may be set outside of rehearsal to allow for discussion and resolution.

Rehearsal Schedule Regular attendance builds strong and unified ensembles. When in session, rehearsals are held on Wednesday evenings in Parish Hall from 6:00 – 7:00 pm. Please plan to arrive by 5:55 so that rehearsals can begin promptly at 6pm. Spirit Singers may be called at 5:30, or other times as needed.

During Rehearsal Please bring a pencil to mark your music. Discussions unrelated to the music should be saved for the mid-point break or after rehearsal.

Choir Information is sent primarily by email, which is also used for sharing recordings and study materials. Major announcements also appear in the bulletin and are shared at the end of Mass. You may also call or text xxxxxxx; these messages are transcribed to my email, allowing me to read them while in the classroom or my studio.

Before Mass Please arrive early for warm-ups and final preparations.

________________, 2026