I took over the music ministry at my parish in 2023 and have spent the past two years navigating what feels like a full-scale rebuilding while the train is already moving. In that time, I’ve led a parish-wide transition to the new Source & Summit missals, worked to elevate the overall quality of sung liturgy (chant, antiphons, cantor formation, and ensemble discipline), and balanced this alongside directing a full school music program which involves teaching around 200 students, running a girls' schola and an after-school children's choir. Structurally, much has improved: clearer musical planning, stronger cantors, better preparation, more active participation among parishioners (!) and a more coherent liturgical sound week to week. On paper—and audibly—the ministry is healthier, more intentional, and more aligned with the Church’s vision for sung worship than when I arrived. All of this progress has not evolved without several battles along the way.

My ongoing frustration lies less with music-making and more with pastoral dynamics, particularly with an aging core of long-serving amateur singers. The adult choir is unhappy with change. They seem allergic to chant, and are appalled that I have effectively placed more emphasis on chant during the mass than sacred polyphony. They are feeling underused and clearly want a return to the way things were when past music directors were given vast latitude in programming whatever music merely sounded good to them. There is a sacred file cabinet in our choir loft that has over 70 years worth of legacy repertoire that is "languishing" because I refuse to use it. But why am I avoiding it? Mainly for practical reasons. We don't have a bass section, for one. The average age of our singers is now well over 60. They haven't had more than 13 singers since before the pandemic, and whenever we've been able to add someone new, they don't stay for very long.

Things seemed to be going smoothly as we prepared to begin Advent, but now I'm entrenched in an unfortunate upheaval that started with unsanctioned mass emails being sent between choir members and parish staff behind by back, gossip, back talk, and collective whining. It has brought an enormous amount of angst and stress to several people within our parish, and many were caught off guard by this because ... nobody anywhere in the parish is complaining about the choir.

While my competency and preparation have not been questioned, I increasingly sense a bias rooted in age and change-resistance rather than musical substance. Some singers appear to externalize their own natural vocal decline, stamina issues, or learning challenges and place responsibility on my leadership, as though my presence accelerated what time and biology inevitably bring. I care deeply about honoring their service and humanity, but I’m struggling to discern how to balance truth, charity, and forward momentum without either enabling denial or becoming the convenient scapegoat for loss. I’d be grateful for insight from those who have navigated similar transitions: how do you pastor aging musicians honestly, maintain artistic standards, and protect your own vocation from quiet erosion?