There's a long history of belittling comments on the subject that's annoyed more folks than have spoken up. I first learned about the jubilus from one of MJO's posts and was grateful for it, but soon got sick of hearing about it, especially in contexts such as "three cute little hoopty-doo alleluyas."

For reasons both pastoral and musical, not everyone whose end goal is to sing from the Graduale can do so at the present time. Progress in that direction is often mocked with belittling language, as if some of us are just intentionally ignoring the ideal.

You'd think using modal Alleluias from an official source were as bad as dancing along to a praise band with projector screens, based on the oft-expressed attitude of "Person A."

When I first discovered the Chant Cafe, nobody was mocking the Simple English Propers for not being the Gregorian Communio. They were encouraging one another in moving a little closer to the ideal, while being pragmatic about the reality in the trenches.

That's attractive and exciting. Looking down one's nose is not. THAT is an illegitimate use of the forum. The CMAA promotes the ideal, celebrates progress in that direction, and encourages yet more progress. If it were anything else I would have never been interested.

Ryand, If you're sick of hearing about it, don't feed the flames any more oxygen. Father Z constantly points out the whole "Save the Liturgy, Save the World" theme. It seems silly to suggest that you should criticize him on his blog for how often he says it. Perhaps he'll take critiques that disagree with his position, and perhaps he'll accept praise in agreement. But Mr. Osburn has just as much 'ownership' here as you or I do, and I'm not to sure it's any person's right to shut him down. And it's not as if there aren't a ton of other topics or other comments one could make to other people. Give the man his due, even if it numerically doesn't jive with you.

Steve forgot the fourth category, which recognizes that there are more than five categories.

Hey, you forgot my TV Guide!!

I didn't see this, but an architect acquiantance told me, with shudders, of a church he had re-ordered. At the blessing of the new altar the mensa had been wrapped in cling film to 'keep the oil from spoiling the altar'! There then came the the lengthy process of removing oily cling-film!

If the oil (chrism?) didn't touch the altar, in the case a_f_hawkins describes, was it consecrated at all?

Here is another one:

Holy Thursday 1990 in a better left unnamed diocese. Archbishop is to bless the oil of Chrism. He breathes on it as the rubric asks. His reading glasses that are on the end of his nose fall into the vat of oil. His microphone is on and he blurts out, " Oh sh-t"

The commentator at the lectern quickly says, " The Archbishop has just blessed the oil in Latin."

I am in the choir and we fall over ourselves in laughter.

Kevin:

And WHAT is the Latin translation of that word? We would ALL like to know.

https://translate.google.com/#la/en/oscito

Anybody else run into renegade singing homilists?

There's a priest who is chaplain at a nearby Memorial Hospital who, when he is the guest priest for one reason or another, ALWAYS sings something in his homilies. Always. Something in his homile always leads into "it's like the song..." *starts singing*.
He also has a very thick accent, and so you often can't tell half of what he is saying, nor what he is singing. =(
He also likes to acknowledge everyone at the end of Mass and clap for them (our lectors *claps*, our lovely cantor *claps*, your rector for inviting me *claps*, for all of you for being here *claps*).

Well, to be fair, the priest I mentioned usually was breaking into a hymn .... I think. The melody was fairly easy to make out, just not the words.
He seems like a very nice man, though. He just likes clapping and extra singing.

He also tends to turn around a whole lot to face the people when the Mass he is celebrating is set up as ad orientem (which isn't always the case for him.. our priests are trying hard to make sure everyone is comfortable with ad orientem and give a lengthy explanation of why it's appropriate each time they have it set for the "season" (Advent+Christmas, Lent), so far.. with the eventual goal, I believe, to be always).

Vilyanor

Be sure to mention that you were once told that yawning was a form of blessing in Latin....Brings entirely new gestures to nightmarish minds (for liturgical dance) of "Come Thou, Font of Every Blessing"...

Anybody else run into renegade singing homilists?

We are part of an ordinary parish that has daily EF and NO Masses, During Lent and Advent we have visiting preachers... who will preach at all the Sunday Masses. One Year we had a dreaded singing Homilist, who burst in to some pop / folk song... Well our EF congregation are not very tolerant of this sort of thing so quite a few people stood up and walked out, they came back when the Mass restarted.
The poor homilist did not expect this and seem quite shocked, I think he expected everybody to join in but all he got were cold stares. We in the gallery were trying not to laugh, we can't be seen but can be heard, our escape route is also almost invisible to the Preacher so it is a good place to be.

deacon preaching during lent walks up to the ambo and breaks out singing Prepare ye the Way from Godspell. Then he proceeds to raise his hands to get the whole church singing it. also did that another time with This Little Light of Mine

In addition to liturgical horrors, I'd like to add this to Crimes Against Dachshunds, which are unforgiveable.

Sounds to me like some of the bishops have been ordaining everything but dogs. LOL

CCooze, your description is too close to my weekly experience
to be coincidence.

Does anyone have a link to a magazine article
where these behaviors are promoted?

There was a famous incident in the Diocese of Richmond about a decade ago where a priest rode into the church for Mass on his motorcycle. He was admonished by the bishop afterwards and was retired shortly thereafter.

The chaplain at a northeastern technical university once carried out the asperges with a super-soaker.

StimsonInRehab may be thinking of the incident at an Anglican church in Toronto in which a minister gave a dog Holy Communion.

The priest Jahaza recalls, the Rev. Thomas Quinlan, rode a police motorcycle into the Basilica of St. Mary in Norfolk on Palm Sunday (I haven't been able to find out the year yet.) He continued in his pastorate until he retired in 2005 after 31 years of shocking Catholics in various Tidewater parishes. A year later the bishop of Richmond forbade him to engage in public ministry of the sacraments; he died in 2012.

The only reason he was shocking was because he went so far overboard. For the most part, that part of the diocese of Richmond is a wasteland.

Anybody else run into renegade singing homilists?

This brought back unwelcome memories of two priests on different occasions belting out Irish ballads to the adoring congregation during their sermons. All I can remember is an overwhelming desire to crawl under the pew until it was all over.

One of those priests, encouraged by his success, decided to sing the words of the Consecration to a melody of his own making. He continued this strange practice for several years, if I'm not mistaken. I later discovered the melody was from the traditional sung Compline, which made no sense at all in that context. The tragedy of it all was that he had a lovely voice and was trying very hard to inject more solemnity into the Novus Ordo, and it would have been wonderful if he could have been taught to sing the official celebrant chants of the EF and OF.

Christmas Eve Vigil Mass (not Midnight). Large suburban Midwest parish. \
Priest stands up to give his homily at reading the Gospel. Says, I have a present for you. He goes and sits at the piano to the side of the sanctuary....and begins to play...doesn't sound very sacred but his playing is very skilled...and then from somewhere in the middle of the crowded church a voice is heard, a singer with a hand held mike, starts singing...."Chestnuts Roasting on an open fire" and walks around the church as he sings to father's accompaniment. Now, the piano and the vocal would have been terrific in say, a fine jazz club...very talented....but anyway, singer continues to walk around the church singing until he reaches the piano for the end of the song..."and though its been said, many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you". And that my friends, was the homily. The priest stood up from the piano, skipped the creed and moved to the Prayers of the Faithful.

Christmas Eve Children's Mass at my parish (same one as above) has for years featured a pageant telling the Christmas story during Mass, complete with costumes, music, and a live nativity scene at the end. The past two years, this has taken the place of the reading of the Gospel - the "narrator" has been a pre-teenager and the characters (Mary, Gabriel, the shepherds) speak their own parts. Then this year, after the pageant was finished, Father proceeded to invite the children up to the sanctuary for the homily - which consisted of questions for the kids like what do you want for Christmas or what are you doing with your family for Christmas. If I were a parent of one of these children (I'm not), I would have been thoroughly embarrassed by some of the responses they came up with. There may have been a very brief concluding point about Jesus coming to us as a baby, but I hardly even remember how that point was reached. After the homily was over, Father invited the congregation to give the children a round of applause.

Clearly, these priests actually don't have anything, anything at all, to say (maybe that's because there is no evident brain); and, worse, they seem to think that their unfortunate parishoners haven't a brain to comprehend it even if they did.
Am I mistaken?, or are Catholics the only people who are treated like idiots by their clergy, who resent it if any of them don't seem to fit the idiot mold? Why are such men pawned off on God's holy people as alter Christi when, though legalistically and theologically they, unfortunately, are, but objectively they clearly are not.

At Walsingham this morning our cathedral rector gave an astonishing homily on the transfiguration text, weaving together with great ingenuity and intellect Augustine's City of God, Origen, Tertullian, the significance of the booths, the significance of the 'six days', the meaning of the specific prophets and patriarchs who appeared, the theophany and the admonition to 'listen to him', and the import of it all for our Lenten lives. One was blessed to hear such speech, by which one was inspired and enlightened; even ennobled. His admirable preaching could well have been given to graduate theology and philosophy students and professors. We get this sort of thing every Sunday. I think that if some of the 'priests' whose antics are spoken of here were to appear in Walsingham's pulpit they would be showered with rotten tomatoes. How can people sit through such idiocy? How do they do it with a straight face? It's incredible. Have they no self respect? (Do they think that God, too, is an idiot?)

I am getting a severe headache being reminded on this thread of the horrible things I have witnessed at Christmas Eve "Family Masses". Maybe I will feel better if I enumerate a few here.

-When the "gospel" is replaced by a cutesy pageant, and the parents (most of the congregation in our case) have just experienced the same pageant two nights before as the school Christmas program.
-When the Christmas star slides down a guy wire from the gallery to the sanctuary, intended for the creche. It never actually gets there, of course. (Bad execution embodying worse thinking.)
-Singing happy birthday to Jesus.
-Homily about the evils of abortion. (I know, but not to kids on Christmas Eve.)
-Homilies which go on for 15 minutes and are incomprehensible to the children the "Family Mass" is supposed to be designed for.
-Masses which go so long (and are so boring) that the children (did I mention that the Mass is supposedly designed for them?) are toppling over. This, I discover, is not an aid to choral singers.
-"Christmas Presents" or just plain toys (not even for the poor) being brought to the altar at the Offertory.
-Anticipatory Masses which are so early that, if they were NBA players, they would be called for flopping.

That did not work, now my headache is worse.

MJO, you reminded me of another one. Also not a horror, but a near disaster.

Easter Vigil. Everyone, instead of blowing out their candles, was to bring them forward and place them, still lit, in holders which were placed on the communion rail. Unfortunately, the holders were very flammable with the result that a mini conflagration on the communion rail ensued. It was quickly extinguished, but many throats were full of heart for a moment.