A couple weeks ago, I tried to start a discussion on educating our youth. This is where the real heavy lifting needs to take place. In our Parochial schools and Masses.
Not to create more musicians, but to foster more Catholics and Catholic culture.

Just sang that one last Sunday! Great text and tune. Most of the people exit during the final hymn anyways, so might as well be a good one.

Mark, you're doing extra time in "the purg" for that last pun!

I'm going to resurrect this topic.
Since we have mentioned a number of times about the importance of educating musicians about steering families in a better direction, I present the following predicament.

I am currently at a parish that had zero experience with chant until I was hired two years ago. I currently have a funeral sheet which provides some hymn selections for each part of Mass and the family is permitted to select all the hymns from that sheet. I am currently revising said sheet and am trying to take out the OEW and Amazing Graces with the philosophy that if they want them, they'll ask... but we certainly don't need to SUGGEST them. While trying to take out those hymns, I am also trying to include some chanted propers with the hope that SOMEONE SOME DAY will choose a chanted Introit, Offertory, or Communion.

How would you do this? I am currently following the formula below:

ENGLISH CHANT: (list text options from the SEP)
LATIN CHANT: (list text options from the GR and GS)
HYMNS: (list more traditional hymns, still trying to find ones that tie into the propers)

I fear this might be convoluted, especially because there are so many options in the official books. I also think families may be confused by my labeling of English Chant, Latin Chant, and Hymns, possibly thinking they need to choose one of each.

How have you mingled family input with holding fast to the texts of the rite? I saw one person that seems to allow for two requests, with the rest being chosen by the Director of Music (presumably, the propers in some form.) Has anyone else tried something different?

I think you're on the right track. Perhaps limit it to only a few choices for each part and say, choose one of the following (a Latin chant, an English chant or two and then a couple hymn choices) and then have a blank space for "other" which will inevitably be filled in frequently with OEW and the like, but at least they are seeing that there are other options.

The same could be done for weddings offering a few choices but allowing for pastoral exceptions/requests providing that they aren't too far off the mark.

Yeah, we need to educate the children in the Parochial schools on proper Catholic music history. I think that will go a long way: appeal to the sense of identity. After all, it is their heritage as Catholics and more importantly a cultural trait of Catholicism (or at least it was).

I tend to say if it's in the hymnal, it's allowed.

Good reason to be cautious in buying a hymnal, and get something like the Vatican II Hymnal.

You can give the book to someone, and say: "pick anything in here."

No.

"In accordance with [cite authority and tradition], and to relieve grieving family from having to make a lot of decisions at this difficult time, it is our custom to [state what you plan to do]. Do you have any additional special requests?"

ANYTHING they request can be worked in somehow: As an additional hymn in the liturgy, as a prelude or postlude, as a post-communion meditation, or during another semi-formal time such a wake or eulogizing service.

But mourners should never be put in the position of having to plan the liturgy.
(Although if they are the type that super wants to, accommodation should be made for that as well.)

No catalogs of repertoire unless they are requested, no choices offered unless they are requested.

Open the door just enough for special requests, and the family will tell you what they need from you. Knock down the door and walls entirely, and the full weirdness of human grief will wreak havoc on everyone involved.

No.

That was more of a general comment for other liturgies, not specifically for funerals. For example, at a youth rally when a committee had to pick hymns, we did exactly that. We brought a VII hymnal, and said "pick the hymns from here."

Enfolding even the humblest of hymns in a sound liturgy is good for all concerned.

I'm quoting myself, but even I've had my limits stretched. I'm glad this conversation is happening.

Have a plan. Be a human.

Sounds pretty Christ-like to me.

I found myself in a strange situation regarding funeral/memorial masses this past week. A very sweet lady called and asked that our 11:30 a.m. Sunday mass be a memorial to her mother. Her mother had died while all the priests were on an extended retreat, so there was no memorial service at that time. The mother had been a life-long member of the parish.

As it developed, she wanted three of her mother's favorites - Ave Maria, Let There Be Peace On Earth, and the infamous - I have called it this for so long I can't always remember the real title - One Bed, Three Bodies, Menage au Trois. I know, personal wickedness - can't help it.

I plan music at least a month in advance and distribute the list to those needing it. Consequently, I will not make last minute changes since it throws everyone else off.
I wouldn't change the entrance and recessional hymns, but did slip the Ave in at offertory, and the three bodies in after the communion hymn. But with those two dreadful hymns in the hymnal, it makes it extremely difficult to refuse on "appropriateness" grounds.

Tournemire, you have a better situation than you realize. At a Cathedral, nonetheless! Congrats on the good work!

Mark, indeed, it is difficult to gage. But hymn singing is not really part of the Mass. As long as they sing the Ordinary, and the responsorial Psalm and Gospel Acclamation I'm happy. But generally even that is a tall order, especailly when you have 30 people in a space that seats 1,300.

The Willan is actually a very nice and simple choir piece. It's in the Parish Choir Book published by Concordia. The Chilcott comes from Oxford Solo Songs - Sacred published by Oxford University Press.

The cantors are fine with chant. They also sing in my choirs, so learned it early on and have no resistance to it. One of my sopranos has the voice of an angel, so of course hearing her chant Requiem aeternam transcends anyone to heaven. Thus I have not experienced any resistance to it at funeral liturgies. Again, I think the problem comes when you bombarde the family with too many options, and if you don't have the support of the clergy.

I don't accompany the introit. I do accompany the communion chant (Lux aeterna) with psalm verses though. Typically I don't play any solo music. However if people are still busy leaving the church after the In Paradisum has been sung I usually improvise on it in a subdued registration.