We try to guide families toward better music for funerals. However, it is not the time to get into a battle with them. We tolerate things for funerals we would never allow any other time.

Hi Mark,

Great topic. Though the funeral liturgy can be an occasion for advancing our noblest music convictions, there are limitations on abilities to carry them out. Your pastor’s response is hardly unique and, even worse, some pastors actually have a fondness for schlock.

In every parish where I’ve worked, I’ve prepared a recommended music list for the area funeral homes. (This is essential since the funeral director is usually the first person to discuss the need for liturgical music decision making with family members of the deceased.) Sometimes my suggestions are followed, oftentimes they are not. If it is the latter and the requested selection is religious in nature, there is nothing I can do about it beyond insisting on a particular placement within the Mass. As you have done, I try to present it with as much care and dignity that I can muster. Sometimes not even that can save the situation, however (as when the family insists on a “great soloist” who turns out to be something less than that).

The only time in my career I’ve had complete control at a funeral Mass was when my mother-in-law passed away and my wife and her siblings asked me to “take care of the music end of things”. On that occasion our mutual friends Olbash and DeMille helped me create the funeral liturgy of my dreams (well not quite, but close). I, not the funeral home, created the printed program and that insured that no one was left in the dark about the Latin introit or selections not found in the pew hymnal (Marier psalm antiphon and acclamations plus the hymn “Spirit Seeking Light and Beauty”). Afterward, a few people came up to the organ and whispered “I want my funeral to be like that”. At such moments you really do feel you’ve chosen the right line of work.

To help families with the music, I put 'Funeral music guidelines' in the parish website, which I ask funeral homes and families to refer to. In addition to the list of suggested hymns, I also put following note at the bottom, which I include in the Mass leaflets that I provide for every funeral Mass.

For the funeral Mass at St. Jane's, musicians, Funeral choir, cantor and music director,
have been trained to provide music for the sacred liturgy. We also put forth effort to
maintain consistency in praying together for the deceased souls with the Holy Mass of
the Universal Church and the respect for Her tradition. If there is a hymn request, it
will be sung before the Mass as a prelude. (Other private devotional hymns and songs can be played or sung at the wake or other appropriate times)

We sing SEP Introit and Communio.
(One compromise I have is singing Ave Maria, Gregorian chant, which is in the hymnal. So if there is a request for Ave Maria, I tell them that it is already included in the Mass. I haven't heard any complains yet)

Mia's policy seems very reasonable. Well done.

I do see the point. I am DOM at a very beautiful Gothic church. People who have no recent connection, or never had any connection, to the parish want to use the building for funerals and a photo backdrop for weddings. I think we do too many of those, but my pastor is more charitable than I. I never know which nutty non-Catholic relative will show up and want who knows what at any funeral.

Comments removed.

Not sure if this will help, since the book has not been released yet, but the forthcoming Campion Missal & Hymnal contains some very beautiful & rare hymns in English that could easily be used for funerals.

We do it all the time, and not just in music. Also in the way we will treat others. As we have been reading the last few weeks in the readings, and over the course of the year, it is important to love one another, as Jesus has commanded us to. Sometimes this means making compromises that we would often desire not to do, but in being charitable and loving, we do them.

And please don't get me wrong, I am not saying, cave in and play things that are outright blasphemous, but compromising on playing Be Not Afraid, or Eagle's Wings, Nearer my God to thee, is probably hardly a kiss on the cheek.

I can count the times I've had to plan music for another organist on one finger, and he served in both Anglican and Jewish circles and his funeral Mass, while in a very tony Anglo-Catholic parish, was anything but formulaic. We have NO POWER without the support of our clergy. I am profoundly thankful to have earned the trust of my congregation and honor their requests when they make them, and when they don't make them, I am glad to give them a tasteful and beautiful funeral Mass I understand it, within their budget. This seems an ideal time to share Thomas Hardy's poem, "The Choirmaster's Burial," long a favorite of mine since I learned the Benjamin Britten setting of this text.

He often would ask us
That, when he died,
After playing so many
To their last rest,
If out of us any
Should here abide,
And it would not task us,
We would with our lutes
Play over him
By his grave-brim
The psalm he liked best—
The one whose sense suits
“Mount Ephraim”—
And perhaps we should seem
To him, in Death’s dream,
Like the seraphim.

As soon as I knew
That his spirit was gone
I thought this his due,
And spoke, thereupon.
“I think,” said the vicar,
“A read service quicker
Than viols out-of-doors
In these frosts and hoars.
That old-fashioned way
Requires a fine day,
And it seems to me
It had better not be.”

Hence, that afternoon,
Though never knew he
That his wish could not be,
To get through it faster
They buried the master
Without any tune.

But ’twas said that, when
At the dead of next night
The vicar looked out,
There struck on his ken
Thronged roundabout,
Where the frost was graying
The headstoned grass,
A band all in white
Like the saints in church-glass,
Singing and playing
The ancient stave
By the choirmaster’s grave.

Such the tenor man told
When he had grown old.

Judas was NOT "concerned for the people." As John 12:6 says, he pretended to care about the money being given to the poor because he was a thief! So, yes, feel free to come up with a better analogy for church musicians who don't think that "pastoral sensitivity" is ALWAYS a bad thing.

when my children wanted candy for dinner, it was love that made them eat meat and potatoes. only as adults are they now thanking me for being a good father.

Right. And now they all have high cholesterol from the meat and type 2 diabetes from all the carbs.

...and not just concede to play anything for the money under the guise of "pastoral sensitivity".

The church contracts with a lady to play for funerals, since it is only this school year I am free in the daytime. What's all this about pay? The times I have played no one offered me a dime. One funeral I played for a while back was at the request of a lady whose son had committed suicide. She could barely cover his funeral expenses, and certainly had no money to pay me for playing. In that case, she needed the money more than I did. Would that everything were as exact and cut-and-dried as some would like it to be.

CharlesW

God likes meat and potatoes! Just don't over do it, friend!

10 11 And he saw the heaven opened and a certain vessel descending, as it were a great linen sheet let down by the four corners from heaven to the earth:
10 12 Wherein were all manner of four-footed beasts and creeping things of the earth and fowls of the air.
10 13 And there came a voice to him: Arise, Peter. Kill and eat.
10 14 But Peter said: Far be it from me. For I never did eat any thing that is common and unclean.
10 15 And the voice spoke to him again the second time: That which God hath cleansed, do not thou call common.

I also don't charge a fee for funerals.

Francis, people are at their most vulnerable when planning a funeral. There are exceptions, to be sure, like the Evangelical minister who didn't get to preach salvation to us Catholics at his relative's funeral. He was hot about that. I try to be as charitable as I can, and don't go to extremes to make points about church music. Not a good time for that.

charles

i totally agree. i never tell people what they can and can't have in terms of funeral music. i DO, however, think this forum is an appropriate place to educate musicians on steering people in the right direction.

melofluent

i haven't commented on anyone's position here. just stating what i have seen and experienced from my own jobs as a dom. if something is resonating with you, that's your business. i simply state what i see.

Mark

here's another poem from another perspective:

The Mass of Ressurection
(what used to be known as 'Requiem')

"One more time!"
the cry so dreaded came
and charged me with the task to play
their favorite hymns again.

"We want you to tickle our ears -
With songs, "we are always 'loved'",
because God would NEVER tell us
we've been banned from heaven above."

So I mounted the bench once more
as the "eagles soared" in vain
as sadly I watched the angels flee
covering their ears in pain.


Copyright 2012 Francis Koerber
please distribute widely

Francis, we are in agreement on funeral music. Who holds the copyright to that poem? I want to share this one. It's good.

I'd suggest keeping your day job.

To explain my prior comments a bit, I don't intend to offer judgment against those who receive tasteless requests. But it seems to me that someone comes with requests based on what they think is appropriate for Mass. Of course there's always visitors, but if someone from your own church thinks that Beatles music is appropriate for a funeral, I'd wonder where they're getting that idea.

melofluent

Forgive me if I have personally offended you in some way. Not my intent in the least. In my passion to help the cause of sacred music I can often seem teutonic. Mea culpa.

I am glad that "you" personally aren't required to play the usual songs at funerals. The rest of us "yous" out here (including myself) struggle with this issue day in and day out. I am constantly looking for ways out of the forest of confusion which often gets cloaked in the explosive term "pastoral sensitivity". It's a fine line AND a line that is always moving back and forth.

Unfortunately, ps often becomes the excuse to do whatever one feels or thinks is appropriate for the liturgical moment soley based on personalities involved. This includes priests, musicians and people planning a funeral liturgy.

So what I am saying is that ps shouldn't be the guiding principle in planning music for any liturgy, funeral or feast. We need to recapture a standard that respects the rite of the church and if we just keep chugging along, nothing will change.

I use the money image because it represents the status quo. A lot of us don't literally play funerals for money, so I am more trying to zone in onthe status quo. I am just as much caught in the 'funeral machine' as anyone else. It's a sad sad state that we have come to as MPholland^ says so well.

Hoping we can begin somehow to pour the koolaid down the drain,

fk

Melofluent,

"what" exactly are you saying is "not" the mind of the church? be specific please. or better, what do you think IS!?

It makes things even more dificult when the request is presented as a dying wish. One such, example: Hang on Sloopey.

And no, I didn't agree to play it, and no they never heard it at Mass on Sunday.

Churches should offer workshops that combine end-of-life planning, Estate Planning information, hospice and LTC info, spiritual practices for those approaching death, and information about planning funerals. These should be given about once a quarter and advertised heavily, especially in parishes with a large elderly population (not that old people are the only ones who die, but they do seem more apt to do so). Guest speakers could include Estate Planning attorneys, financial planners, hospice nurses, spiritual directors, and so forth, along with the pastor and the music director.

Additionally, the MD and/or pastor should approach those in the congregation they know to be "traditionalists" and see if they'll agree (ahead of time) to a traditional Requiem mass. If this is done enough, you might be able to start assuming that at least a percentage of your funerals over the next several years will be "the real deal."

Right after someone has just died is not the best time to teach mourners about good liturgy.

melofluent said

francis, if you know and tell all as well as flatter yourself with declaring we're "beyond the emotional kneejerks," why should you care when and where I bow out this ridiculous diatribe?

1. because i really do care. that is why i am
2. trying to understand your position
3. it's not a rediculous diatribe, so don't lessen the weight of the content by blowing it off with explosive descriptives. It's a very important discussion on a problem topic that hits a very emotional spot for everyone.

"Hard questions?" Only in your opinion. Don't respond, francis, we're done here.

I don't get an opinion? But you do? And I can only speak now if you allow?

My suggestion is have a selection of hymns and other suitable music ready to go. Funerals often have to be prepared for at only a few days notice and tell them that you cannot learn new music at such short notice and hope to do a decent job of it.

There are lots of suitable funeral hymns out there. One particular hymn which I hold close to my heart is "Abide With Me", which is also a Compline Hymn.

A couple of pieces which can be played as instrumentals include Thaxted and Mozart's Ave Verum Corpus, which I have both as manuals-only scores (very handy when you could be playing on an organ one day and on an electric piano with an organ sound the next).

It is harder to do this for weddings since they often plan months in advance

As Adam Wood and others have posited above, is not the state of funeral music our doing as a Church? Does every organist/director of music put his all into every funeral? Do priests always see every funeral as a soul in their care leaving this world? I don't think so.

It is also representative of failures of catechesis, preaching, etc. Ultimately, it is the pastor's responsibility to implement a coherent and logical funeral policy. The best way to do this is to make it clear that the funeral Mass is a Mass like any other parish Mass. Of course, this would require teaching about the Liturgy on a regular basis in preaching, articles, etc. This seldom, if ever, happens most places. So, how could we expect anyone who picks awful music to know that their funeral Mass (or that of their loved ones) isn't a Burger King-style "Your way, right away" life experience?

I have found some priests actively prevent musicians from talking to families about music for the liturgy; they think ANY effort to educate and guide, even sensitively, in the case of a funeral is going to offend the family and be bad. With that attitude, how can any progress be made?

Regarding rep and the occasion I do have to speak directly to a family: I first ask about ideas they have, and why. I always encourage "bad music" at the wake. I try to push at least for scriptural texts at Mass, but that is often difficult, and be assured that the priests will not support you in this situation. It's unfortunate, but usually true.

The cardinal rule, though, is this: just because you hear "bad music" at a church doesn't mean that the musician is bad, the parish is bad, etc., etc. There are just so many mitigating factors in Catholic life now, many of which are the fault of a lack of leadership from the top. As I write this, there is construction going on in the church I work for WHILE THE BLESSED SACRAMENT IS EXPOSED FOR PRAYER. What a crazy world we live in!

Randolph, I don't believe you said anything out of line, why should you relent and remove your comments? Nothing you said struck my as out of line. As young musicians (myself included), can tend to take things to heart, whereas the wisdom of those that have gone through this before us, is of great value!

The mere fact that we should judge any DOM/Organist on just the effectiveness of funeral selections, is a scary thought. As others have suggested, there are so many other mitigating factors, and this is not just in the case of funerals, but in weddings, daily, and weekend masses. Why should we blame the DOM/Organist for all the blunders and things that occur? How many times has each one of us, been asked to do things in our jobs that we don't particularily like or enjoy? How many times has a pastor told us, just do it, or I'll find someone that will? Should we measure the DOM's effectiveness based on those mitigating factors? If that were the case, we would all be in jeopardy and fail.

I can't count on my hands how many times I have been asked (in a more directive way) to do music that I feel is not appropriate for mass. Are you going to go to your boss and say, nope, I am not doing that? Are you going to battle the family of a deceased about their selections for mass? You might if you don't mind the possibility of waiting in an employment line. All too often, I have seen friends that did just as some on here might suggest, stand up, take charge, and as they did that, they are now seeking employment elsewhere.