In my experience, when there are communication issues between pastor and DM, both parties bear some level of responsibility. My pastor is insanely busy, but we have time to communicate with each other effectively. Usually it's a quick text, email, or phone call. If I need a longer period of time to discuss multiple or more complex issues, I schedule an appointment with his secretary. Do your pastor a favor and keep your communication brief and to the point. He's busy. Don't waste his time with things he doesn't care about. Good communication doesn't need to be long and drawn out. Get to the point and move on. You're both busy.

Good communication with your pastor isn't difficult, but both parties need to be invested in a good working relationship to make it work.

Adam, do you mean that as a DM or a director of music AND liturgy?

Possibly because of the nature of my position at the parish, I would think that we should talk each week in person, even if briefly, about things liturgical, and then I send follow-up emails about the detailed things (like when there are options for readings).

In the past, I have has that "as needed" communication, especially before the big feasts (just walk down the hall and ask) and regularly scheduled meetings (monthly, or so, to keep up with the liturgical calendar).

I'm not a DM, but I cantor and sing completely separate music at one of the Masses, so you could say I'm a DM-of-sorts for that one little Mass. :)

It also depends on the pastor. He's not quick on email, so if I need something, I usually ask him after my confession (I go weekly, usually outside the normal confession hours, so he's kind of available to chat), or just call him. That's my personal experience.

Also on the point of scheduling with the priest vs with the secretary - some priests have extremely busy schedules and if the secretary doesn't have it on her calendar, he won't remember. Know your priest.

I have a pretty good relationship with our pastor, he lets me know if he is satisfied or dissatisfied with anything. E-mail is generally the best way to get a hold of him.
However if I want face time. I stop him before or after Mass or I set an appointment with the secretary.
We have 4 music leadership meetings per year (Each mass has a different leader) and the pastor comes and gives his opinion to us or makes changes at that time. He understands that we are all volunteers so he tries to make time for us.

I attend a liturgy committee meeting once a month, but am often in and out of the church office. If I need to know something, I either ask then, or in the sacristy on Sunday morning. The pastor seems to appreciate being asked.

When I started at the current church I'm at, the pastor thought I was just a 22 year old who didn't know liturgy. While I admit I don't know every thing about liturgy, I tend to think I know a decent amount. I would pick out hymns and then he would say oh let's use this instead!! So annoying!! Prime example is the last Easter he was pastor there, I had The Strife is O're as processional hymn and then Jesus Christ is Risen Today (Easter Hymn Tune) as preparation. He said JCIRT must be entrance hymns and he wanted join in the dance as offertory. He was not the best music liturgist. Now being 26 and a new pastor is there (much younger at 36) he said to me " you're paid to be music director, I'm paid to be pastor, I trust your decision and support you 100% with what you want." So it has been a very good relationship from a pastor employee POV. We have been able to get an upright piano put into the sanctuary and the pipe organ working in the loft again. I used the pipe organ for the first Xmas at the parish in 15 years and it sounded great. The congregation has been very happy to hear the pipe organ. Hopefully they will help with funds when we need to do some maintainance to the pipe organ at the beginning of the new year!!