Gaude Mater Polonia Poetic Translation
  • OMagnumMysterium
    Posts: 356
    One person's tedious work may be another's fun hobby, so I figure it doesn't hurt to ask...

    Would anyone be willing to help me come up with a singable English translation of the hymn to St. Stanislaus: "Gaude Mater Polonia"? I tried looking online, and couldn't find any (maybe I just don't know where to look). His feast is this Thursday, but we're celebrating the external solemnity this Sunday (since St. Stanislaus is our primary patron). I was thinking of setting it to some joyful sounding tune that our folks already know, keeping it easy for everyone to sing with no practice. I don't particularly care the meter of the translation; I was plating around with a few, but really struggling to get both rhymes and word stresses right. I started off with a table of the Latin, translation from Wikipedia, and google translated, just to get a basic idea of what I'm working with (I've attached the table).
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,233
    Here are a few verses:

    1. Rejoice, O Polska, motherland:
    With noble children you abound;
    And to the King whose kindly hand
    Is good to us, let praise resound.

    2. For by the goodness of his grace
    The torments of Saint Stanislaus
    Shine forth to all in every place
    With signs and wonders marvelous.

    3. Our bishop, firm for righteousness,
    To kingly fury did not yield:
    Guard for his people in distress,
    A Christian soldier on the field.

    4. He warned the tyrant: you should rue
    Your cruel deeds, your brutality;
    And when the sword did strike him too
    He gained a martyr's victory.

    Thanked by 3CHGiffen OMagnumMysterium oldhymns
  • tomjaw
    Posts: 2,960
    Did you find this,
    https://web.archive.org/web/20110430085512/http://www.a-pesni.golosa.info/polsk/gaudemater.htm

  • OMagnumMysterium
    Posts: 356
    Thanks, Chonak.

    Tomjaw, I did not know about that webpage, but it appears to have no English at all, so it's not really much help to me.
    Thanked by 1tomjaw
  • OMagnumMysterium
    Posts: 356
    I took a try at verse 11 (the doxology):

    O Trinity, let us adore
    And praise Thee with unceasing love:
    The martyr's prayers we now implore
    To worship Thee with him above.

    I'm thinking of using WINCHESTER NEW. We only sing it once a year (On Jordan's Bank in Advent) but I think it's intuitive enough that it'll come back to people quickly.
    Thanked by 2Liam CHGiffen
  • MatthewRoth
    Posts: 3,538
    Yes. My rule is 2-3 texts per tune when possible. Like, I cannot only use PUER NOBIS NASCITUR, HYFRYDOL, and others with multiple texts commonly paired to the same tune, and some tunes are hard to unpair from one text, but I enjoy not having to reinvent the wheel.
    Thanked by 1Liam
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 5,296
    4. He warned the tyrant: you should rue
    Your cruel deeds, your brutality;
    And when the sword did strike him too
    He gained a martyr's victory.

    The second line does not scan properly. It has 9 syllables, but it should have 8 iambic syllables.

    Maybe something like this would work:

    "He warned the tyrant: you should rue,
    Not savor, your brutality;"
    Thanked by 2OMagnumMysterium Roborgelmeister
  • WGS
    Posts: 308
    Does "Your cruel deeds and brutality;" fit ?
  • Richard MixRichard Mix
    Posts: 2,983
    Just swap "cruel" & "brutal".
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 5,296
    No. "Your cruel deeds and brutality;" has 9, not 8, syllables.
  • GerardH
    Posts: 671
    Only if you insist on pronouncing "cruel" as "crew-el". In some dialects it's closer to "crool".
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,233
    I'm treating "cruel" as one syllable, a pronunciation which is documented as an option in some dictionaries, though I'm not opposed to making a change if there's something better.

    With so many stanzas, there are still some to do, before we get to #11.
  • MatthewRoth
    Posts: 3,538
    I only encountered cru-el in trying to set a hymn where it wound up being required to fit the desired tune. In my daily speech it is also one syllable.
  • OMagnumMysterium
    Posts: 356
    I also say "cruel" as one syllable, but am fine singing it either way.

    If you're alright with it, Chonak, I'd like to use your translation, with a few tweaks in some places where the meaning was starting to slip away from me (mostly verse three). Also, I think naming Poland in its native tongue would confuse more than edify our folks, sorry to say.

    Just the four verses plus doxology will be a nice treat for us this year, but if anyone wants to translate more, I welcome it. If I get in the right state of mind, I may try to myself.

    I've attached my draft. Is there a good cheat-sheet of rules for dividing the syllables of words in English? (such as no-ble vs nob-le) Latin is simple, English less so. I'd be happy for any suggestions on improving the typesetting/layout; I'm doing this in MuseScore.
    GaudeMaterPolonia.pdf
    26K
  • MatthewRoth
    Posts: 3,538
    I just look the word up and hope for the best if it isn’t clear from another engraving.
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,233
    I used "Polska" to avoid repeating "-land"; but it's your event, so you can "alt." if you wish.
    Thanked by 1OMagnumMysterium
  • Richard MixRichard Mix
    Posts: 2,983
    "…not savor," is fine I guess, but
    Your brutal deeds and cruelty
    seems the obvious solution.
    Thanked by 1OMagnumMysterium
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 5,296
    Except or the rhyme scheme.
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 5,296
    I'm sorry to have lit a bonfire about this. But even if "cruel" is pronounced as one syllable, "Your cruel deeds, your brutality" does not (to my ears) have the iambic stress required, as it sounds like:

    "Your cruel deeds, your bru tal i ty"

    ("cruel deeds" feels like the stress is on "deeds", not "cruel").

    My present feeling is to use a two-syllable "cruelty" (from the one syllable "cruel"), and set the second line as:

    "Your cruelty and brutality;"
  • probe
    Posts: 154
    @OMagnumMysterium I use the hyphenation provided by Merriam-Webster.
    https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/noble

    May as well throw my own iambic reading in:
    https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cruel
    Bru-tal-i-ty and cru-el deeds


    Thanked by 1OMagnumMysterium
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 5,296
    "Bru-tal-i-ty and cru-el deeds" does not rhyme with "He gained a mar-tyr's vic-to-ry."

    NB. "Bru-tal-i-ty and cru-el-ty" does rhyme.
    Thanked by 1probe
  • probe
    Posts: 154
    I missed the need for rhyme, CHGiffen, thanks, I was too focused on just one line!
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen
Add a Comment