I once showed up to play a wedding and promptly realized I had forgotten ALL of my scores (I left my organ bag at my home parish at which I had just gotten done playing Saturday evening Mass). There wasn't time to retrieve them, so I had to do everything from memory. It was a wedding without Mass though, which made things simpler, so I made it through. Never again.

I will play weddings, but I usually attach a “bridal decision management fee” which is clocked out every 15 minutes just like a lawyer.

I refused to do weddings. Hated them, hated the drama, hated the bride's mother, and didn't give a flip about the bride and groom's special day. Fortunately, a lady organist in town loved to do them and played quite well. I contracted all the weddings out to her. She was glad to earn the money and I was glad to not need it.

I've been stiffed. That was fun. Phone calls, texts, and even a written invoice mailed directly to their house. Nada. They haven't come back to the parish (that I've seen). They knew darn well because I pursued all avenues short of showing up on their front porch.

Another time, the family was supposed to pay me before the wedding started, but didn't, and I had to very awkwardly linger in one of the front pews during photos for a solid 10 minutes until the groom tracked down the man who was supposed to pay me (dad) who in turn scoffed that he had to go out to the car and get his checkbook. "Do you really need to be paid today?!" "Yes. I was supposed to be paid before the wedding even started." (And I don't know you from Adam, so nice, try, buddy.) It was so horrendously awkward.

Another wedding I didn't need to play a postlude because they wanted to walk out to a bagpiper who played inside the church. (And I thought the organ was loud! It was wretched.)

Another time the bride and groom brought the family friend who was going to sing along to the planning meeting. B&G had a few nice ideas, but this woman, who was not musically competent at all, scoffed at everything I suggested, and in turn offered every possible suggestion for pieces I would avoid like the plague. "Well, I sing this at my church. I don't think I can sing that." Sounds to me, madam, like you shouldn't be singing weddings then! B&G were nice, but were totally trounced all over and it was ugly music at their wedding, in spite of my best efforts, all because the Bride's mother's friend had to sing. No thanks.

I’ve had Hispanic weddings start late because the bride and groom were nowhere to be found. One time, no one had shown up at the church by the time it was supposed to start. Then 5 mins later a few people trickled in, and finally 10 mins later the bridal party showed up. But for a few mins the priest and I were ready to leave. (They are lucky we didn’t.)

OrganistRob320,
I know you bled through all of these events (and have earned YOUR Purple Hearts), but The Case of The Flammable Bride gave me the best laugh of the day. I wonder if anyone could top this. ;)

wedding rehearsal... everyone showed up in full star trek attire complete with black boots and puff pants.

I’ve also had multiple brides try and walk in with the bridal party, even though we planned separate, special music for her. For our Hispanic weddings, we don’t even bother anymore, and we only do one processional piece. It weirds me out, but they aren’t phased by it.

Last summer I played for a wedding where the musicians and the priest all thought the ceremony was at 2. When 2 comes around the church is empty. It turns out the couple and all the guests thought it was at 2:30. I ended up getting to play my prelude music twice.

[We need to start a funeral horror stories thread...]

I'm mostly out of circulation, but when I was a parish musician, I made it clear that my fee included 45 minutes of consultation. Any other consults, or rehearsals with outside soloists were at a VERY hefty price. The only time a couple asked for extra consults and rehearsals was a pleasure; they were devout, kind, and were concerned with quality, and made it clear that they thought the weddings they had recently attended were travesties. No Celebrated Pachelbel Kanon for them! I told a priest who allowed anything and everything that I wouldn't prostitute myself, and that he was responsible for finding a musician who would! He didn't last long; many complaints got him removed.

The worst wedding I sang at was one on an October 31st a long time ago. The bridesmaids looked like can-can girls, with black lace dangling out under the hem of the skirt. I was never certain whether the women were dressed that way because it was Halloween. The men looked like regular groomsmen.

Also, I had a very badly pulled muscle in my back and it hurt terribly whenever I took a nice breath. At the end, we still hadn't been paid, so we waited through the picture taking and finally the bride's mother grudgingly wrote a check for the agreed upon amount.

When you have a whole set of bridesmaids wearing strapless gowns, they all look like they are 100% unclothed when they sit in the front pew and are seen from the choir loft.

In general, standards for dress for women for weddings these days are scandalous. I've only had one wedding in which the entire bridal party was dressed appropriately.

I've played in string quartets for weddings for about thirty years. Often these weddings were outdoors, and somewhat secular. Honestly I've seen so many ghastly things they're not funny to me anymore. One of the more notable ones was when the groom sang along to the bridal procession (a pop song - I can't remember which one) as a surprise for the bride so he had to run a grab and cordless microphone right beforehand. At that same wedding a bird left a little "gift" on a musician's violin case.
I did have an awkward wedding with a happy ending though, once. We were playing at a large Korean wedding, and at one point during the service the officiant said something (in Korean) and everyone looked at us expectantly. We didn't have anything planned at that point so we just sat there awkwardly, which was more fraught because two of the musicians were of Korean heritage but didn't speak Korean. So I was afraid that they were expected to know what was being said and they didn't. Then at the end, the father of the bride gave me the envelope, which contained much less than the agreed amount. Oh dear - we had been invited to the dinner, so the four of us college students fretted all during the dinner about what to do. Luckily someone else brought us another envelope with the correct amount - the first envelope had been a tip. Whew!
Nowadays since I'm a union member I have a dandy little contract, and I state that I must have the check in hand one week beforehand, or there will be no string quartet music. I recommend that every musician do this! Then there's time for the check to clear, and you don't have to search out people on the wedding day who are usually running around doing lots of things anyway.

In terms of purely musical disasters, the worst one I can recall was when the viola and second violin were supposed to be playing a unison f natural fanfare before the Wagner "Here comes the bride". But for some reason the violinist was convinced it was an f sharp and that she was right, so we played the entire fanfare with one person playing f natural and the other playing f sharp it was the worst!

Years ago, I played for a wedding where couple requested "Once,Twice, Three times a lady" with a professionally trained vocalist. We both quickly nixed the idea and refused. The priest said nothing but the couple conceded to drop it when we told them we simply would walk away. They paid us as requested but told us that we were no longer invited to reception-- as if we wanted to attend reception with people we did not know and who had horrid taste.

When my mother was in her 90's and watching the news, she would sometimes exclaim, "I've lived too long!"