BY THE WATERS OF BABYLON - A New Composition
  • Ken of Sarum
    Posts: 406
    I submit for your interest and consideration, a new little composition I recently wrote for Boys/Girls Choir and Harp. Any constructive suggestion are welcome.
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    Ken,

    That's a very large number of tri-tones!
    Did you see that your name is spelled Kebbeth in this pdf?
  • Ken of Sarum
    Posts: 406
    Oopps I need to correct that ASAP. Thanks!
  • MarkS
    Posts: 282
    Notation/engraving issue: in measure 32, consider changing the middle quarter to tied eighth notes; this makes it easier to see the rhythm in the context of the beat. Also, make sure that they are correctly lined up vertically with the sixteenths—currently the single quarter is floating in no-mans land.
  • francis
    Posts: 10,668
    Interesting composition. Thanks for posting.

    In general, my only suggestion would be to let the text dictate the melody and not the musical rhythmic phrases. Some of the voice leading is a bit angular or somewhat disconnected.

    Also, to build tension, you might lengthen some phrases and create some more fluid arpeggios throughout. Here is a quick example... Hope this helps.

    UPDATE

    In the second pdf, I illustrate using smoother melodic curves.
    watersSuggestions.pdf
    70K
    watersSuggestions2.pdf
    72K
  • m_r_taylor
    Posts: 316
    Consider extending "harps" all the way through m. 13 instead of repeating it in the same measure. Less busy, and easier to phrase vocally.

    Consider making the dotted crotchet at m. 17, "wil-", a crotchet instead, to make the trochee more obvious. It still works as is though.

    m. 21-22 is my least favourite since the unstressed syllable "tive" falls on a stressed beat - the beginning of m. 22. "Captive" is a trochee and the music needs to reflect that here or it will sound unnatural. One fix might be to place "-tive" on the 2nd beat of m. 21 as a G, and tie that G through the beginning of m. 22.
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    In what context do you intend/expect it to be sung and played?
  • Ken of Sarum
    Posts: 406
    Thanks to all! Will study all suggestions. Context will be left to whomever might wish to use it once finished.
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