I don't think I've ever posted here before, but I am in need of some advice! I work for a parish (1500 households) as DM; it's in a rural area, and had a very low liturgical culture prior to the arrival of the present incumbent. In nearly 3 years, we have transformed the early mass into a very respectable high Mass; we sing Ordinaries from the Kyriale, and do as many of the propers as we can. The mass was briefly ad orientem before the archbishop quashed it. On my recommendation, we purchased the St. Michael's Hymnal. We have some genuinely enthusiastic boosters for the high mass, along with the ubiquitous (generally elderly and female) nay-sayers. A year in, I was asked to provide music for a weekly high TLM at our mission; we carried on with the TLM for a year before the pastor axed it. At the same time, the pastor changed the Sat. vigil mass into a Spanish mass and brought in a mariachi band; they are genuinely popular, and the pastor is very supportive. Just to be clear, then, our parish has 4 weekend masses, three of which I provide music for in some way; a high mass, a sung mass with Breaking Bread (accompanied by myself on piano or organ), and an afternoon mass at our mission (now in English). I am also responsible for the Children's Choir.

Yesterday I arrived for the Good Friday service, only to learn that the service had been made bilingual. No one bothered to tell me. I was very angry with the pastor, who has a history of leaving me out of the loop. As you can imagine, it was not the emotion I wished to feel on Good Friday. I am beginning to feel that the pastor has misrepresented his intentions for the parish; I left a very comfortable organist position at an Episcopal church to work for the Catholic parish, because I was under the impression that he meant business about changing the liturgical and musical culture. He is an eclectic; he is happy to have traditional music alongside the mariachi mass and Breaking Bread. In short, I am theoretically the DM, but I am restricted to influencing one parish mass (along with the very small mission mass). An amateur guitar-player chooses the music for the later parish mass, and I accompany it.

I am really tempted to give up the job; I feel overworked and underpaid, and perhaps, most importantly, I don't see the parish making any more progress. It seems to me that we've maxed out; the pastor just doesn't have the stomach for it. Hanging over my head, however, is the knowledge that leaving would mean the end of the high mass, at least in its current incarnation. I don't even have a substitute organist, on the very few occasions I'm allowed to take off---the area is poor in musicians. The alternative is to give up the title of DM and ask to assume direction only of the early mass, with a concomitant cut in pay, and perhaps request to be paid per diem. That arrangement at least would reflect reality, and it would leave me free to find week-day employment. I've also considered asking for a leave of absence.