It's fuzzy. I volunteer as English music director (it's a poor, indebted parish and I have an OK-paying day job, so it's OK), but I only play for Spanish Mass; the pastor picks the music there for some reason.

The pastor needs to tell people that, unless they call you AT LEAST X weeks before the wedding (and even then, your availability is not guaranteed), you may well not be available and the music you are able to provide will be limited to music you have already well prepared. You can even give the pastor copies of a sheet of paper to have him give the affianced (you may even include the list of on-demand music, but that might encourage people to wait to call you).

Can you somehow build in a "discount" if they give you more than 6-8 weeks notice? As in, it's $150 if you give me 8 weeks notice, but $200 if you give me less than 4 weeks? Is there a way to make that fly? Give that paper to the pastor to hand to engaged couples.
Or, just start showing up late to the weddings. Something tells me these don't start on time...
Or tell them you don't play weddings in Advent (see how well that goes over as well!).

Is there an option to just say "no" and let them live with the consequences?

There was one time when I got the call at 5p on a Saturday for a Sunday afternoon wedding. But my friends and their kids were coming over for dinner on Sunday and I was cooking, so I said I wasn't available. I don't know what happened in that case. In general, I'm available and can use the money, but if I get aggravated enough, I suppose I do have that option.

Music is not at all the most important part of a wedding ceremony. And yet...it's a wedding. Once in lifetime, right? (OK, I am aware of the optimism of that statement.) And they think to call a day in advance about it? Something is fundamentally wrong here, not just a lack of appreciation for the fact that you might be busy, not just a lack of consideration for your time, not just bad planning, but something fundamentally wrong. People schedule haircuts with more advance notice. (Not me, but...'people'.)

That's no help you, sorry; it's just a comment.

Ask the couple how much lead time they need to give the band/DJ playing their reception and calculate accordingly.

BonnieBede,

I agree with you 100% if you are working in a North American parish in an average or above-average economic community.

I've worked in just such a poor parish as this one. There probably is no one on staff aside from a pastor and janitor. There is no organization, as there is no money to pay for it. The pastor is swamped and trying to do his best.

Taking him out to dinner - or inviting him to dinner at your home and taking a moment to go over this with him is the only solution. He doesn't understand, was never trained to deal with any of this. He's working at a Hispanic parish and weddings within that community, depending on their homeland, can start up to 4 hours late as in some cases as the family may honor a tradition of going from house to house shattering GATHERING all the family members by degree of relation, adding hours to the trip to the church. (would love to have blamed that on spell check...)

None of us posting have walked in the shoes of a pastor saddled with a poor congregation that is multi-cultural.

As a director of music you may find yourself being drafted by the pastor to stand up as a witness for a Spanish-language baptism, as only one person came with them and you are suddenly a Godfather.

Showing up 4 hours late for a wedding, an insult to the organist? Hardly, it's family tradition in many cases and they would be surprised and very hurt if the organist brought this up.

Spend a year in Italy and get used to things not starting on time...or even starting. It's not just a "Hispanic" thing.

The organist has cultural customs too, and they may include scheduling the organist's service about the same time as one schedules the wedding service and the reception. We know that the pastors aren't accepting wedding appointments with only two days notice.

Indeed, they are not. I got an apologetic note from the pastor today; the couple scheduled the wedding back in June.

I think what I'll do is ask the pastor if he would give me the contact info for a couple when they schedule a wedding. That way, I'll reach out and figure out what they'd like me to play or to bring in their own people, and I can reach out again as we get closer to the wedding, so we can determine musical selections. The pastor doesn't have to do much, I get peace of mind, and I (hopefully) don't get any surprises.