At my last church, this is where I left it:

When there was a funeral, I would be given the contact information. I would then call the representative of the family and say "I am Gavin C., the music director of St. S. Do you have any requests for the funeral that I can fulfill? Perhaps some hymn or spiritual song that was important to the deceased or your family?" I made a point to ONLY accommodate what was in our hymnal (WLP's We Celebrate), and I had a short list of a few hymns that would not be done. If Amazing Grace was asked for, I would inform them it's a matter of some debate on suitability and advise them it may be offensive to some. If they still wanted it, they got it. A few times, people asked for good music that wasn't in the hymnal, so I would offer to play it on the organ for a prelude or at communion, which usually made them happy.

For the psalm, I gave the pastor a list of all the funeral psalms that I had good settings of (from Respond & Acclaim, Guimont, Gelineau, and even one or two from Chabanel) and he would merely tell me which of those psalms the family wants, or else it would be recited. It was also a matter of "tradition" (all of 3 months) to have the proper Communion sung by the cantor in Latin, although it COULD be followed by a hymn if there were 4 requests (which there sometimes were). The pastor chanted In Paradisum before the (sigh) "farewell song" and the (double sigh) closing hymn, which no one sang because the whole church was to leave DURING IT! Furthermore, it was "tradition" to use the Sanctus and Agnus from the Requiem Mass, and then I just put up with MoC at the memorial acclamation and Amen.

This never got complaints. I only ever got one complaint about a funeral, and that was when we had a substitute priest who was so abusive towards the liturgy (and the deceased) that I just had NO idea what to do during the Mass and missed a lot of music. I was used to things done right.

There's a LOT of dogmas that have to be shot down for funerals to improve. For one, there is NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING AT ALL pastoral about calling someone who just had a dear relative die and demanding they plan the Sacred Liturgy. SHAME on those crypto-protestants who pimp this atrocious practice (although I understand most of us are forced into it). Another is that you have no leverage in regulating the funeral. You do. You can't say to someone "your favorite song is trash and your family member is in hell for having liked it," but on the other hand "Let there be Peace on Earth" is NOT appropriate to the liturgy. Make the case kindly, but with authority, and if they still insist tell them that the pastor has you backed on musical judgment. If the pastor doesn't have you backed, quit your job; better to flip burgers than have a priest who thinks you're a walking jukebox. Also, no one will get offended if a priest wears black at a funeral. But that's beyond our control...

There's always UPS.

I have actually had the other side of the coin experience. When my paternal grandmother died, I handled all of the arrangments, including having my parochial vicar drive up to Austin for the Mass. When I talked to the music director about the music, she gave me the standard issue drek of Eagles' Wings, One Bread, One Body and Hail Mary/Gentle Woman. I put my foot down and scrapped her selections. I told her that my grandmother loved genuine sacred music. Since the funeral would be the Thursday before Holy Week, I told the music director that I wanted the Attende Domine for the entrance, I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say for the offertory, We Have Been Told (one of the few Haas pieces that I can stand--compromise) and along with the In Paradisium in Latin, the Salve Regina (as the recessional) since my Grandmother had a great Marian devotion.

I told her that my grandmother would have a dignified funeral and the music director was trying to shove the horizontal music. Bottom line is that I stared her down and she blinked. My grandma had a beautiful funeral and my PV belted out the chants. Afte the Mass, the director told me that this was one of the best funerals she and the cantor had done and she was impressed with my PV.

I have never liked any of the OCP stuff, especially Respond and Acclaim. The responsorial pslams from GIA's Worship III are much better. In Spanish, I try to use Manuel Garcia whenever possible. He is one of the few OCP composers that doesn't try to make the psalm sound like something it shouldn't.

Two things to say:

First to Kathy: "Youth Classical Schola"? Oh, I am so jealous. Pray for our little parish and our budding Schola (1 Confirmandi, me, 1.5 cantors).

Second to all, What would the ideal be? The full requiem (Graduale 669)?

Up here in the Providence Diocese (and nearby Fall River Diocese), one of the big problems is the undertaker who hands the family a "planning worksheet". Very common in these parts.

At the bottom of the worksheet, you see in big letters: "SACRED MUSIC (Choose up to five)". I have actually seen these worksheets fall on the floor at at least three of the churches I served. Underneath is a listing of six to ten titles with blank lines to insert check marks. In most cases the titles are:

_Be Not Afraid
_On Eagle's Wings
_How Great Thou Art
_Ave Maria (composer almost never specified, and I DON'T default to Schubert, nor do I go out of my way to ask!)
_Prayer of St. Francis
_Gentle Woman (cough/choke/barf - because Ant Jane was such a "gentle woman"! I would actually hear that line as a reason for this awful piece!)
_Amazing Grace
_Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee (which I don't mind as a hymn in itself, but for a funeral???)
_Let There Be Peace on Earth
_City of God (another run to the porcelain!)

No line allowing for "other".

Two things I almost NEVER budge on:
1. The Responsorial Psalm has to be one of those actually appointed for Mass of the Dead, and the translation must be an approved translation by the Church. This means I would quickly deny "All I Ask of You", "Shepherd Me, O God", "Beagle's Things", and "Prayer of St. Francis" for this slot, and suggest another slot (like a second Communion piece)
2. I insist that the recessional is the "In Paradisum" or a translation thereof. That means one would have to find another home for "How Great Thou Art" or "Amazing Grace".

Peace,
BMP

I totally want the Durufle Requiem at my funeral, Dan, I'm worse, I'm 25 and in....well ok health I guess you could say.

Wow, I'm not the only one thinking of my funeral's music!

BTW, I'm 26.

Like Dan, my funeral plans will be slipped in with the will.

Young? I'm 23, an old fart! Of course being in an undergrad program will make one feel that way...

And I've never been "cool", so there's no danger of me being into P&W. Actually, I think that's the best complaint against it. I've been to protestant colleges, and that IS the stuff the "cool kids" are into. And those who aren't into it... aren't "cool". Should the Church really be like some sort of middle school popularity contest? I think not.

Here are my funeral requirements, as I had posted them on Christus Vincit - the BLOG! on 28 Feb 2006:

Now, don't get the wrong idea here, folks. I'm not seeking nor anticipating an early death (I'm only 41). I've even quit smoking to prove it. I am, however, getting my music lined up now, so that when the time does come, my wife or one of my kids will deliver the instructions.
BMP's note: now 44 and, according to a good friend and mentor of mine, "still a punk!"

Anyways, I want the rubrics followed - Chant, Latin, Pride of Place, all that good stuff. (If I had my way, I'd ask for the 1962 Missal to be employed here)
BMP's note: Since the day I wrote this, Summorum Pontificum was instituted. I might just go for it. If that be the case, disregard the list below and stick to the Liber Usualis. Below is the Ordinary Form list anyways...

Introit: Requiem aeternam (page 688 in the Gregorian Missal)
Responsorial Psalm: The Lord is Kind and Merciful (Alexander Peloquin - from his "Songs of Israel, Volume 2"; if that is unavailable, then Psalm Tone 8G is the acceptable alternative)
Alleluia: Mode VI (or during Lent: Praise and honor to you, O Lord Jesus Christ - as in Worship III, #290 - note: this is an adaptation from Kyrie XI)
Offertory: Domine Jesu Christe (page 693 in the Gregorian Missal)
- plus, if time permits: Ave Maria (Arcadelt OR Victoria)
Sanctus XVIII in Latin
Anamnesis: Mortem tuam annuntiamus, Domine (Jubilate Deo chants)
Amen: single (slurred last syllable - F-FG)
Lord's Prayer: chant setting in English or Latin
Agnus Dei XVIII in Latin
Communion Music: Ave Verum Corpus (Mozart)
- plus, if time permits: My Shepherd Is the Lord (Gelineau)
Final Commendation: Subvinite Sancti Dei (page 696 in the Gregorian Missal) or Saints of God (#889 in Worship II) or I Believe that My Redeemer Lives (Peloquin/except during Lent)
Recessional: In Paradisum (page 698 in the Gregorian Missal)

Music NOT acceptable (unless you want to know what it is like to have me come out of my casket and haunt the holy $&!# out of you):
On Eagle's Wings
Be Not Afraid
Here I Am, Lord
You Are Mine
How Great Thou Art
We Remember
Hail Mary/Gentle Woman
Shepherd Me, O God

LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY: None of that pop-style schlock garbage will be accepted. It does not belong at Holy Mass to begin with. If you want to listen to it, pop a CD in your deck at home or in your car. In fact, if it's in Glory and Praise, Spirit and Song, or Gather, do not use it! If it's written by Marty Haugen, David Haas, Michael Joncas, the St. Louis Jesuits, Carey Landry, Gregory Norbet, or the like, do not use it! If that is all your organist knows, get someone more competent! Also, only the organ is to be used. No piano. No guitar. Organ only. No eulogies (my boss doesn't allow them anyways). Save those for the wake, or in casual chat amongst friends and family. "What a jerk he was! He inflicted chant upon us! He wouldn't let us sing Eagle's Wings, or Beagle's Things, or whatever!"

Peace,
BMP

Does anyone happen to have a Spanish translation of In Paradisum/ Chorus angelorum?

Nota Bene:

I used to work in estate planning...

Do not include your funeral plans in your will. A will isn't usually read until weeks or months after your death.
(See an article I wrote about what a will actually does here:
http://www.morenolawgroup.com/free-family-law-help/estate-planning-information-framingham/what-is-a-will/
It's also a bad place to name guardians for your children...)

Draw up your plans. Make dozens of copies. Give them to your spouse, your children, your parents, your priest, your music director, your best friend, your insurance agent, your local funeral home, and keep a copy (in a ziplock bag) in your freezer.

Where I worked until yesterday, I always had a printed program listing Order of Mass and Hymns, Mass parts all with number in Ritualsong. Unless I used a R&A Psalm.In that case the response was printed in the program.
If they wsnted 'Precious Mem'ries', it was played before the service.

Thanks, Chrism. (I'm asking for the purpose of singing in Spanish.)

I remember, as a child, visiting some rural churches in the area. My aunt had to explain what the choirs were doing before the service, when they were using solfege to learn hymn melodies. They called it, "singing the notes."