[ HELP ] CALLING ALL OUR WORDSMITHS -
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    I would like an English translation of stanza one of Jesu, meine Freude to do with Bach's organ fantasia on Jesu, meine Freude on a rectial this fall. It will be sungen in English preceding the choral prelude. Could, or would, Kathy Pluth or MHI or Vincent Uher, or any other talented wordsmith be able to make a translation in the same metre that could be sungen to the tune. The first line must be 'Jesu, thou my gladness' in close kinship with the German. I should like a nice continuation in the same vein. While Catherine Winkworth's is really good, I should like something more true to the German.

    Here is the German of Johann Franck -

    Jesu, meine Freude
    Meines Herzens Weide
    Jesu, meine Zier
    Ach, wie lang, ach lange
    Ist dem Herzen bange
    Un verlangt nacht dir!
    Gottes Lamm, mein Brautigam
    Auser dir soll mir auf Erden {corrected]
    Nichts sonst liebers werden.

    And the English of Catherine Winkworth -

    Jesu, priceless treasure
    Source of purest pleasure
    Truest friend to me
    Long my heart hat panted
    Till it well-nigh fainted
    Thirsting after thee
    Thine I am, O spotless Lamb
    I will suffer naught to hide thee
    Ask for nought beside thee.

    The new transaltion should begin 'Jesu, thou my gladness', capturing the German sense, and all lines should carry the same metre and the original.
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,216
    Here's a draft:

    Jesu, thou my gladness,
    Meadow of my heart's rest,
    Crown and joy to me,

    O how long with yearning
    Has my heart been turning
    Longing but for thee.

    Thou my Bridegroom, Lamb of God,
    let me not for aught beside thee
    Ever set aside thee. [ needs work? ]

    Thanked by 3M. Jackson Osborn CHGiffen R J Stove
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    This looks nice, Chonak! Tinker with it 'til your pleased and I will have it sung on my Christ the King recital along with Bach's BWV 713. I'll put your name down as translator.
    (Very clever and good: what you did with 'gladness', and 'heart's rest'! I had despaired of making a match.)
  • MHIMHI
    Posts: 324
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    Thanked by 1CHGiffen
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    Many thanks, MHI -
    By this we know that Google Translate is neither Dante, Tennyson, nor Pope!
    The vocabulary (mead/grazing is especially nice) is pleasing in itself,
    but doesn't add up to inspired poesy, does it?
    I like Chonak's better than Google's... I hope he fixes the last two lines.
  • MHIMHI
    Posts: 324
    .
    Thanked by 1M. Jackson Osborn
  • Adam WoodAdam Wood
    Posts: 6,482
    nor Pope!

    Alexander, the poet, is my third-favorite pope.
    (After Benedict XVI and Hilarius.)
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,216
    I'm not a fan of the mead m'self, since hearers might think of honey-brewed beverages.
  • ronkrisman
    Posts: 1,394
    If what is desired is a translation that bears little resemblance to contemporary English and which contains the word “gladness” in the first line, one could use that of Arthur Wellesley Wotherspoon (a853-1936) in Hymnal 1982 (no. 701). A bonus: It successfully avoids the weird “thou” in the first line (which is not in the German):

    Jesus, all my gladness,
    my repose in sadness,
    Jesus, heaven to me;
    ah, my heart long plaineth,
    ah, my spirit straineth,
    longeth after thee!
    Thine I am, O holy Lamb;
    only where thou art is pleasure,
    thee alone I treasure.
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen
  • MHIMHI
    Posts: 324
    .
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,216
    Thank you; I value that, coming from a writer of elegant verses!

    Maybe Kathy will have her own version to offer, or some edits for ours?
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    Actually, I rather like mead, but field is all right

    Fr Krisman et al. -
    I wanted 'gladness' because it is synonymous with 'Freude', which 'treasure' isn't.
    What I wanted was something more faithful to the German, while retaining the same poetic form. This is, admittedly, asking a lot. I may end up using C. Winkworth's after all, though Chonak's is not without worth. Of course, if MHI had composed one himself rather than lean on Google, it might be a masterpiece!
  • MHIMHI
    Posts: 324
    .
    Thanked by 4chonak M. Jackson Osborn CHGiffen barreltone
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    Ah, yes: that's more like it!

    Impressive, indeed, that you even preserved the German rhyme scheme!


  • Kathy
    Posts: 5,509
    Chonak, I have very little German, unfortunately.
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,216
    Another option for the last two lines:

    Nothing earthly ever can be
    more belovèd than thee.

    (is 'thee' grammatically acceptable here?)
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 9,216
    Y'know, you might just string these translations together with the German to provide several angles on the text.
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    Actually, Chonak, I think that 'thou' would be more correct than 'thee' in this usage. Which is too bad, because I really like these two lines of thine, even though 'can' and 'than' don't fare to well receiving accents in the tune.
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