My son and I were both treated similarly in a previous parish. We were relatively new to the Catholic Church (3 years) and it was indeed shocking (part of our "baptism by fire" I believe). I had no context to deal with this, and I also needed to help my teenage son deal with the cruel injustice of it all, praying he would not become embittered against the Church. It took a long time to get to the place of forgiveness and peace. A "priest-emeritus" at the same parish helped me through this very difficult time.

God has given you the grace to see the bigger picture. He will lead you the rest of the way.

God bless you,
Kathy

Somehow this thread is both piercingly painful and beautifully hopeful...somehow disheartening and heartening all at the same time. Tomboysuze, thank you for your witness. I am very moved by your posts and the effort it seems you are making to respond with grace instead of bitterness.

Only through the gift of Faith can one have a supernatural response to betrayal, somehow find reasons to be grateful, and seek to grow from being "trampled upon".

My prayers are with you!

All good points, CarlD. And, Noel, thanks for bringing this up, because this is actually where this conversation has to go to be productive at this point, I think. Here's the scenario from the business perspective..and yes, I agree, a parish has to be run like a business - in some ways - and if the Pastor doesn't get that, it's a problem.

I have a business background and since my husband is the Exec. VP of his company (the guy that actually runs the company) I have to deal with justifying my artistic pursuits to his business-model mind daily. At the outset, I told my Pastor that his plan was going to be impossible to realize in six months, but that I would try.

The parish is going down without a major influx of cash-laden parishioners. After a year and half of waiting patiently, the Pastor changed the music and the mass times creating a "place" for Anglos in a parish that had been given over to the growing Hispanic population for 15 yrs...without pushing out the thriving, but not contributing Hispanic congregation. This was "extreme home makeover w/out the big budget. The hope was that we could siphon off overflow from the rich parish down the road that has so many well-heeled papists, they have to hold concurrent masses - one in the gym.

So - I had to approach this project from two angles: 1. aesthetic/liturgical
2. economically viable/marketing. (AND - it was no small thing to make sure the masses were far enough apart that parking lot was clearing out efficiently.)

I had to have a cheap, but high quality "product" ready ASAP. . Before starting, I did
a. "market research",
b. had a trial period,
c. wrote out a detailed proposal which included a budget and
d. put together a very good staff for very little money.
e. I requested a weekly meeting to make sure we stayed on the same page -and cleared everything I did with him.

The project was actually working well, but needed more time for new parishioners to decide to make a financial commitment. We were, in fact, getting the demographic we had targeted; the educated Washington church goer who wants a deeper liturgical experience and very much needs the beauty of sacred music to calm down and enter into their interior life with God.

I've literally gotten desperate texts from friends, panicked that we are ending this program because they need this hour of beauty to connect with God.

Part of the problem is/was that Father didn't fully realize that things were going to get worse before they got better. During the period when the collections were thinner than they had been last year, there was a major transition taking place in the parish demographic. There's a business model (my husband told me about) called the "Greiner Curve" that forecasts crisis points for businesses that are actually experiencing growth. During the initial phase of a project that may ultimately be successful, there are dips that have to be navigated and are to be expected. (duh!)

As we all know, when you're involved in anything risky, you have to be as cautious as possible, but in the end, you have sweat it out and give it time before you cut and run. I hope this doesn't offend, but I think they call it "having a pair." ;)
I can only assume he was vulnerable to changing course because of the timing, the pressure from a faction and the $$$$. ...(and the missing pair.)

But, for the record, in our last meeting, he did acknowledge, that I had exceeded expectations and the goals we set out initially.

As cynical as it may sound, I had NO expectation that conversions or the souls of those that "tire and bleed" would even come into the equation. And in my conversations with him, they didn't, sadly. However, among the musicians, we talked about it constantly.
(sigh)

Nevertheless, I do think that we need to take a business lens to our profession and figure out how to make this line of work more stable and viable.

There are things that can be done - but we need to develop guidelines, etc., and figure out how we can mount an education program that can be used in seminaries and parishes. Perhaps some time could be devoted to some of these topics at the Colloquium in the future.....the near future if more of us are to have any future at all.

and that's my 5¢- blame froggie again....

ps....I would like to sit down with the Pastor, but he won't even respond to my emails about anything....I have gone out to dinner with him in the past, but I don't think he's capable of having an honest conversation right now. Ever since he made that announcement, he's avoided all of us....even the mothers of my H.S. girls who are friends with him in another social environment.

I've been going through a lot of discouragement on my service in our parish, it's like I wanted to give up... But I realized why should I feel down when there are lots people believes in me than those who humiliate me. Through the warm love of people who are always there for me, I feel the presence of GOd in me...

There are certainly no easy answers because while the Church is not a business it "does business"--it operates in the world but is not about worldly affairs. I don't think anyone can devise an effective "business model" for a parish because of this. So it is left to the individual worker in the parish to seek God's Will in all things. One can live with a measure of abuse (or persecution or just plain difficult circumstances) if there is a greater good (like others are truly being helped by remaining), but enduring abuse without a realization of good for others means, to me, it's time to go.

Kathy

I've literally gotten desperate texts from friends, panicked that we are ending this program because they need this hour of beauty to connect with God.

So why aren't they sharing their concerns with the pastor instead of you? At this point, isn't he the only one who can actually change anything? (difficult as even that would be.)

Well, who knows? Maybe they are telling the pastor what they think.

You can never go wrong in thinking the best of others. Recalling the words of St. Bernard of Clairvaux:
"Even if you should see your neighbor doing what is wrong, refuse to pass judgment on him, excuse him instead. Excuse his intention even if you cannot excuse his act which may be the fruit of ignorance or surprise or chance. If the thing is so baltant that it cannot be denied, even so, believe it to be so, and say inwardly: the temptation must have been very strong." On the Song of Songs, Voll II, Sermon 40

Wow. That's exactly right. The Deacon has a booming bass voice and was used to singing the Kyrie (?) and was ticked when we got there. He admitted that he's been working against us. Ironic though, his son is applying to CUA as a voice major to sing exactly the kind of music we're doing while he's been hard at work to spread anonymous rumors against us from "supposed people who confided to him but didn't want their name used." Talk about shooting your kid in the foot!

That these anonymous complaints were even taken seriously just shows you that we are in the Twilight Zone. Reason, logic and propriety...I miss you!

TBS, you know regarding the whole schmeer, I'm among your adoring supporters. I did notice a small item that might be examined more and saved, if that's still possible. The invocations/petitions of the "Kryie" are regarded by more astute deacons, pastors and bishops as the provenance of the deacon. So what was missed in the conversation was the why and how "your coming along into the program" displaced him, causing the tension? If he is possessed of fine voice, was it the manner, the style, the choice of setting, or just a deliberated switch of gears that happened? Very few deacons (and we now have a plethora) are musically inclined. So, it seems to me he could be "flipped" to an ally if not already too late.

Just had to look that up!

The rubrics in the Penitential Rite, third option (Kyrie with tropes) say:

"The Priest, or a Deacon, or another minister, then says the following...
You were sent to heal the contrite of heart..."

So perhaps it's fair to say that there is a preference for the Priest or Deacon to lead this part.

Thanks, men. That is just the point I wondered about.

Short Postlude:

--Everyone felt somewhat queasy about the whole thing as we did the vigil mass and the vibe in the church was strange -- but we went, we sang, we conquered ourselves.
--I programmed "Forgive Our Sins As We Forgive" as the Entrance - a fact that was not lost on folks.
--The liturgies were reverent, and quietly beautiful (I thought).
--The church was crowded at all masses.
--Father made the "requisite thank you announcement"at all masses. At the last mass he sounded very relieved.
--There were about 300 people at the main choir mass who were shocked, sad, surprised, sorry, confused.
--We were applauded for a long time at all masses - N.B. I dislike applause in church very much, but that was very kind.

We sang "Oh The Mystery Passing Wonder" by LeBlanc, which was sublime....and pretty well done. And we did Mass of the English Martyrs - SAT and some B by my 15 yr. old son and the volunteer parishioner who has diligently worked to get better and better.

And, after mass, people were working on Father to keep us for at least one mass and stopping us to talk and were shocked to learn that we had offered to stay and discount our fees, etc. etc. --Father was caught in his half-truths by a few and looked uncomfortable as he unsuccessfully tried to steer public questions and conversations back to the sacristy---


It was, thankfully, joyful and peaceful at the end of mass - and then choir, friends and kids/families sat around my house most of Sunday for a long brunch and drinking coffee, mimosas and at least two people got into the good Scotch w/ my liturgically-PTSD'd husband.

But I wasn't one of them!

Congratulations on maintaining your dignity in a tough and emotional situation! Trust God to lead you to the right next place.