confession

If it's an OF choir, then counseling and aromatherapy are in order. If it's an EF choir, then flogging before the assembled student body while hurling anathemas would be appropriate. ;-)

As a Catholic educator, my experience has been that when my school children are absent from mass, so are the parents. I have had children tell me that they had no one to bring them to mass. It is sad when such an example is set by parents.

Unfortunately, I have had to deal with this a lot. We had Confirmation last weekend and the children's choir was singing, and it wasn't until the final hour that I knew just how many kids would actually show up. But, it's not the children's fault. Parents involve their kids is just too many things, and going to church and singing in the choir is just something else on their list of "to do" things. I'm trying to undo that mentality, but it's going to take a long, long time. We can only support our choirs and let them know, over and over, that they are a ministry and that being in ministry means taking on a responsibility.

In an ideal world that would work. In my school, library, technology, and music grades don't figure into honors designations. They show up on the report cards, but mean nothing, really. You can see the low esteem in which those subjects are held.

No advice from me, but I would love recommendations because I'm dealing with the same problem.

Low-income neighborhood with remarkably unchurched, uninvolved parents. The fruits of Vatican II...it is very frustrating for me, but probably more so for those kids who do take the time to show up!

These may or may not work but they are the thoughts off the top of my head:

1) Make the children pay money to be in the choir. Now, this is not a lot of money, but something ($100?). If they attend 80% of the rehearsals/Masses they will have the fee returned to them. The problem is that you have to let the parents know when their children are at 90%, then 85% and then going to lose their fee.

2) Expel the child from the program if they are absent a specified number of times. Have a great party at the end for the children who make it through.

3) See if the school or church can reward the children who make it through the year with some kind of prize. Perhaps there is a company in the church which can offer gift coupons of some kind. Maybe it is some kind of recognition.

4) Could your choir sing somewhere special at the end of the year?

This is a difficult task. Of course, I'm sure you realize the same thing happens in adult choirs!

With all due respect, Canadash, to find children and put a monetary stipulation on participation is going against all that I feel ministry should be about. The parents should be approached first and given an explanation as to what ministry is all about and how when we allow our children to constantly miss rehearsals and come and go at will, that we are sending the wrong message.

My suggestion is that a guidelines document be written and signed by both children and parents, with reminders sent out a couple of times a year. When children do not show up for rehearsals, have the child AND parent refer back to the document. Ask the child/parents what is happening in their lives to cause such absences, and if the answers are that they are simply involved in too many things, then make sure they are aware of the dedication necessary to be in choir and have them sit out a few rehearsals and masses in order to reflect as to whether or not this is something they feel called to do.

It's not easy and parents will get in the way all the time, but we cannot allow our children to be brought up with an attitude of "if we come, we come, and if we don't we don't". Whether it is children's choir or adult choir, it's still music ministry, and that mentality must be instilled and maintained.

MaryAnn, I use the exact same concept! It has really helped in the past...and now I have a new challenge, a children's group I didn't previously direct, that is going from a "pick-up" group to regular rehearsals, and so far the parents I've spoken with really get it.

Musicteacher, I'm not at all offended. It was just a thought, as I had mentioned. It comes from the idea that when something is paid for, it is worth something (not saying I agree, it just is the mentality of some). That is just part of our culture. There is a good choir school in our area and it is publicly paid for, to a point. But then there is a fee to join this particular school. If the children do not live up to their end of the bargain, they are expelled, and I don't believe they get their money back. So I think the parents get their children to their Mass obligations on time, every week. It is out of the way for many parents. So, when the question came up, I perused this site, to see how that school did it to offer a suggestion.

I would say that most of my choir is very good at attending, but some are absent here and there and it is annoying. Right now, I have a fellow who was laid off. Then his position returned for evening shifts, and the man has to work. When the schedule returns, he will come back, but until then, I do allow him to sing the Mass parts he knows, and the hymns with the choir. He is a good tenor. He is a faithful and good man. In my choir the bass with the most talent is the one absent most often, but if I let him go, I am really stuck at the times when he is really faithful. Perhaps I should just do with less, but only the fully committed choristers. Something to seriously ponder.

(I'm embarrassed that this is so long -- but I've done this for a LOT of years.)

My 2 cents for what it's worth: With all respect and empathy (lots of empathy) to directors whose choir members are under 18; If we have to use a "disciplinary consequence" to insure that our choir members attend a mass - to which they've been granted the HONOR of serving, -- we've fallen into a modern trap of catering to children (and their parents) as if we were vendors, desperate to make a "participation sale." Yes, we have been marginalized as CharlesW. rightly observes, and this naturally forces us into a defensive position.

It's no wonder we're all frustrated, we're lost before we start because we have been so marginalized.

My advice; fight back - in a smart way. Take the battle (for lack of a better word) to them - without getting bitter, mean or showing how burnt out we really might feel.

Make no mistake - you ARE fighting a battle for their souls. Sacred music that serves the liturgy is the vehicle of grace acting on nature. It softens their hearts and creates that "silent garden" where silence allows God to enter into their souls.

Half the battle is teaching them to pray the text. Explain the text to them and be excited about how beautiful it is. This teaches them so much.

Interesting phenomena: My favorite hymn is "Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence." While explaining and singing it for them the first time, their reaction was "wow that's scary music." "WHAT!" I replied, "SCARY. That's not scary - it's mystical." We have to realize that we are going in to rescue them. Chant and music that conveys the mystical nature of God has been co-opted by the manufacturers of video games. The hooded, evil character in the game (that sadly looks just like a monk) is emerging out of the darkness to strains of gregorian chant or synthesized music that is very chant like, modal or somber. Kids now associate this kind of powerful beauty with evil.

The first thing we need to change is our mindset. I've found that attendance is not a problem when I have the mindset that I'm going to treat my students as if they were already members of a choral group that regularly appears with the NSO.

I've been rather surprised to find out that the shift in my attitude creates a serious response from my students....in the best sense. Here's what I suggest:

1. Have a "drop off" meeting at the beginning of the year that is mandatory for participation - one parent must attend with each child 20 minutes before rehearsal start time - as they drop them off.

2. Dress well for this. Be prepared. Meet each parent and child at the door. Give them a handout with your "Guidelines and Choral Etiquette" -- just as Musicteacher56 suggests, create a document that stipulates what behavior should be during rehearsals (i.e. no talking while the director is working with another section; bring a water bottle and sharpened pencil to every rehearsal; check your posture before opening you mouth to sing; sit forward in your chair with your back straight..ect.) and then hold every child to that standard publicly, but in a stern, friendly manner.

3. State your policies clearly while making eye contact with the parents. I do not allow any absences from rehearsal or mass without prior notification once the schedule is published. Parents must send me a written note for an excused absence. Two absences is a problem, unless the student has a very good reason. Three and they cannot attend rehearsals until the parent meets with me.

4. Lead. Take no prisoners. Failure to comply with your reasonable guidelines should be a problem for the child and the parent in the form of having to "sit out of rehearsals and masses" until the problem is worked out between you and the parent. Let your Pastor and Principal know this beforehand and explain why. (You won't have to, they'll know.)

5. Love them in your mind, even when they are impossible. THey can tell and will respond to it. When you can no longer do this, it's time to take a sabbatical. It's very hard work for very little money and you have to love it like crazy. -- I don't anymore - so now I have an "elite girls schola" made up of my most committed students (not all of them are my best students, fyi)

But I was passionate about it for a long time and it bore much fruit...and headaches galore.

6. Treat your students - no matter how poor - as professional musicians right off the bat. I make it clear to the parents that I (and they) have a responsibility to train their children so that they will be comfortable and prepared in a professional orchestra or chorus. I make it clear that I know their potential and respect their intelligence and expect great things from them. Then I invite anyone (parents and children) who isn't ready to live up to that to leave - no hard feelings and no worries about it.

7. Pick music that is sophisticated and very high quality. I pick simple, beautiful things and more complicated things. There's always harmony involved. That's the hook, and it's vital - unless it's chant

8. When doing chant - and you should with the youngest children - communicate a serious reverence for whatever chant you are doing by pointing out that you are giving them music that most other kids their age have heard only rarely; it's a fine and valuable "wine" and the church is entrusting it to them. And if they are not up to it, you'll have to take it back. It MUST be sung with reverence.

I refuse to do anything that isn't worthy. The kids know this and develop such an addiction that they come to everything....most years. (I've had a less than great choir year or two as well. It happens.)

Anyway, here's a structure that might help any children's choir:

I always have choir officers- elected - but I always have a hand in these elections. The President of the choir takes attendance at every rehearsal and every mass.

Two of my officers are responsible for keeping track of absent members, collecting music for them and reminding them that they have to get with someone to learn what they've missed.

I STRESS at the beginning of the year that if you join the choir, you have to be there, period. So if you can't do that, don't join. No hard feelings...

Hope my lengthy diatribe helps a little. Good luck all!

Setting the bar higher is definitely a positive point here, but I don't think holding auditions would do the trick, unless you told everybody up front they are for placement only. I've worked children's theater for many years, and we've always made it known that anyone who auditions gets a role, the size of which is dependent on the outcome of the audition. If our singers know this, they might vie for the favored spots and be more dedicated in an attempt to get a better "seat". But, I think it's important that singers and parents know that they will be accepted. Now, giving them a theory test (very basic, of course) might scare off some kids who wouldn't be dedicated in the first place, so that might work. They would know for the onset that this is not a playtime activity and that certain expectations come with acceptance.

That's usually opening up a can of worms. Especially with children. Not just insurance but with the reality of things that have happened with the churches, probably a good idea to steer clear of that. Especially being that if something does happen, even if it's unofficial, it can become an official problem. Probably best if they come up with that idea on their own somehow, this way it never comes back to bite you.

@MatthewJ Agreed, situations merit looking at things carefully, but when I referred to driving kids to practice or having others do it, can you imagine what would happen, God forbid, someone got into an accident,,,, or even worst, the person's that you "arranged" to bring some child to practice, ends up molesting them!!! Could you imagine what consequences "You" would be facing for your "unofficial" coordination or even participation in bring kids to choir rehearsals??? Not only would you subject the Arch/Diocese, or Church, to liability, but you also put yourself in a position, depending on what state it is, up for charges yourself. Many states would not hesitate to file child endangerment charges, neglect, etc.... all because you "unofficially" coordinate a pickup/dropoff of children. Big no no! I am probably sure most Arch/Dioceses would frown upon that, and probably even forbid it.

Ohhh, i'm sorry,,,,, I thought you were referring to the poster previously to me, regarding giving or coordinating rides home for children.