I have a very good, collegial relationship with my Pastor. He knows and appreciates my understanding of the Teachings of the Church regarding liturgy and music, and has often praised me for my sensitivity in balancing the Mind of the Church with the practicalities of parish life and the politics therein.

However, his formation was at a provincial seminary notorious for promoting exceedingly liberal ideas (which he has confessed and is very aware of), and he is surrounded by liberal "go along to get along" priests at all of the other parishes in the area from whom he feels pressure to err on the side of being permissive, mistaking it for being "pastoral". He has admitted to this repeatedly, confessing a struggle between doing what he knows is right and what he believes he "has" to do to remain "popular." I would love to tell him that people don't want a Pastor who is "popular", they want a Pastor who will teach them and lead them in the Faith and work of the Church without apology or equivocation. But I don't know quite how to express this without giving offense or appearing impertinent.

This has become an issue primarily when it comes to weddings and funerals. He truly despises the impoverished music that is still popular, but has said that if we come down too hard on policies regarding appropriate music for weddings and funerals, we'll offend people and they'll leave the parish. He often says that he wishes that the Church (or at least the diocese) would issue a definitive policy regarding this kind of music or that liturgical practice, otherwise he says he can't make rules regarding things that are permitted at other parishes, for fear of what it will do to his reputation.

I have tried to suggest that our parish is unique and that people come to it because they expect orthodoxy, and that if he were to continue moving in that direction we would become an attractive locus for orthopraxis in liturgy and music. Those who would leave because they aren't entertained or are somehow challenged by our orthodoxy would be replaced by others who genuinely desire such orthodoxy.

However, his fears always seem to get in the way, and I repeatedly find myself "in the middle" between a bride or a grieving family that wants something totally inappropriate and a Pastor who would be the "bad guy" and put his foot down, but for the fear. We still have "eulogies" at funerals and have had a number of requests for truly inappropriate music at weddings that has caused me grief and brought conflict between me and brides or me and the Pastor.

Is there some way I can encourage him more vigorously? He has always been very supportive of my work, respects my knowledge and abilities, and appreciates my sensitivity to some of these highly "political" issues. We've worked hard together to make the little advances toward better music and liturgy, so how can I help him make the next step?

Quite honestly, we've not yet gotten to a "deal-breaker" point, but there have been times when I've felt rather as though I've been "thrown under the bus" and expected to swallow hard and do what will put him in the best light. He knows that I respect his authority as Pastor (I half-jokingly refer to myself when speaking to him as "Your Obedient Servant"), and he also knows that I will, in obedience, do what he asks. However, he sometimes presumes on this, or expects that I will be the "bad guy" and then he will back me in the situation, while maintaining his own reputation as being a "moderator".

I've been at this parish longer than any other in my career. I'm not looking for trouble or a "way out", and am not looking for reasons to leave. On the contrary, I want very much to see things improve, and continue to build on the many successes and opportunities I've enjoyed since I was hired.

What would you recommend? How would you have a very frank and direct conversation with a Pastor about this without straining our otherwise collegial relationship?