How to say "no" to a choir member?
  • canadashcanadash
    Posts: 1,501
    Our choir sings at weddings. We sing at the weddings of those in the choir and for the children of choir members. There is a lovely young woman in the choir who will be married in June. She wants "Oh Happy Day" from Sister Act. I'd rather not debate the choice, but it is simply not in the style I'm used to, and will be difficult and awkward to sing. It will take lots of practise time, of which we have limited amounts anyway. There are other choices I am questioning too, but I'm worried that saying no will lead to an uproar in the choir. Suggestions?
  • matthewjmatthewj
    Posts: 2,700
    Offer to sing it at the reception.
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • Liam
    Posts: 5,092
    Have you ever said no to any other request? (I understand there is a first time.)

    It may be time to make explicit that, while the choir lovingly offers its service to its members and their families, it's operated on the implicit understanding that the service was not open in the nature of "taking requests" in an unrestricted way but for requests that in harmony with the choir's mission, resources and abilities, according to the director's best judgment in good faith - and choir members need to be willing to defer to such a judgment if they want to make use of the service.

    I too thought about the reception, but brides don't typically invite the entire fellow choir to such things (unless it's a potluck on church grounds), and the logistics can be messy....
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • matthewjmatthewj
    Posts: 2,700
    The cost of having to pay for all of the choir members' dinners is the price of them having to learn the song. Everyone wins, except perhaps the bride's checkbook.
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • GavinGavin
    Posts: 2,799
    I think you should be honest, as above, regarding the limitations of effectively performing it. I wouldn't get into stylistic arguments (after all, if someone dressed as a nun sang it, it MUST be ok).
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • MaryAnn Carr WilsonMaryAnn Carr Wilson
    Posts: 1,738
    I'm afraid we are a liturgical choir, and that fun piece is more in the realm of show choir. It's not in our repertoire (or our mission/focus, etc.)
    All that needs go be said is that it's not in the rep, and you can't find a way to prepare it, what with rehearsal time needed for (silly little things like) Ascension, Pentecost, May crowning, first Communions and Corpus Christi, and Sacred Heart.
    Also, you might want to sing it for fun at the reception.
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • JacobFlahertyJacobFlaherty
    Posts: 331
    Please say no. The pain of saying no now pales in comparison with what you'll be asked to do in the future weddings you are asked to sing. That song is not liturgical, is not meant for the Mass, and would open you up to other troubles...

    God bless!
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • ryandryand
    Posts: 1,640
    Say no.
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • canadashcanadash
    Posts: 1,501
    I don't think we are invited to the reception. I rarely say no. This is a problem for me, an issue best left to discuss on a different board! I appreciate all of your input and suggestions. They are excellent. "My" organist agrees with you too. I must just say no, in as kind a way as possible.
  • PurpleSquirrelPurpleSquirrel
    Posts: 165
    Oh. Weddings. Ick.
    Some of the requests we've had in the past have been rather, uh, secular.
    Being in the choir, she at least has an idea of what is sung in church. I think she'll be fine with you saying no, or perhaps a compromise? Do sing at the wedding, but sing something in your repetoire that is incredibly uplifting, bold, joyful, etc.
    Thanked by 1canadash
  • canadashcanadash
    Posts: 1,501
    O Happy Day
  • PurpleSquirrelPurpleSquirrel
    Posts: 165
    Tee-hee...
  • Maureen
    Posts: 678
    There's always singing from the church steps as she gets ready to go. That would be a friendly but non-liturgical gesture, and it might assuage some of the boredom (since the bride always ends up taking fifty thousand pictures in church before anyone can go to the reception, or everyone leaves for the reception before the bride goes).

    Also, the lack of acoustics will be such that nobody will be able to tell if the choir is perfect or not. It will be obviously just a Wacky Choirfriends Thing.
  • Charles in CenCA
    Posts: 2,416
    Advocatus diabolis (guessing at the Latin)-
    If there is a moment rife with less decorum than after the deacon/celebrant declares the "Ite missa est," and the entourage passeth the plane of each pew and emancipates each row of occupants, it is most likely when a celebrant puffily announces "It is my pleasure to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. Claus."
    Ergo, does it really matter if what is heard during the huzzahs and clapping (again I remind my dearest friends I merely cite the "real world" of church couture, I mean culture) is the Volga Boatman Dirge or O Happy Day?
    And while we're on it-
    Don't ever put yer soapbox up at East 14th and Lakeshore in Oakland and shout that O Happy Day was ever Show Music. O Happy Day had as much cultural impact and explosion across the nation in 68/69 as did Jester Hairston's "Amen" from "Lillies in the Field."
    Secondly, it has no less credence nor no more controversy to be sung at a dismissal than does Andre Crouch's "Soon and very soon."
    Thirdly, and despite raising Adam W./Gavin's ire, I could teach a bunch of Boston Bramins to sing it credibly, in SAT(B) in ten minutes. Not a big deal.
    Please, for my detractors, this is not a serious post. No need or call to bust my chops or call me on hubris.
    Thanked by 1irishtenor
  • GavinGavin
    Posts: 2,799
    I think my word "honest" was taken too literally... (keep in mind, I'm someone who still "doesn't know" how to play "On Eagle's Wings" - or at least forgets how everytime I sub!)

    This thread isn't for discussing the suitability of the piece, though since Charles chimed in, I say I see nothing wrong with it. But then it's not my church or my choir.
  • canadashcanadash
    Posts: 1,501
    I'm a very straight-laced girl from the far North. I'd love to be able to jazz it up for fun... but I fear it would be lifeless, bland and stolid. Now there is a lovely young woman in the choir, incredibly talented who is willing to help and her best moments are Gospel related, in a great way. If I thought we could learn it in ten minutes, but I have nightmares of beating out the syncopations for weeks on end and everything falling apart at the main event. But as you say, everyone will be distracted anyway. I still like the idea of saying no though.
  • francis
    Posts: 10,821
    how about from the outside church steps as they get into the limo? use a folk guitarist. (in doing so perhaps you can set a precedent that this kind of music is more appropriate outside the walls of the church!)

    we have a wedding coming up where the recessional is All You Need Is Love. i am not playing that wedding however. it's the folk group from notre dame.
  • PurpleSquirrelPurpleSquirrel
    Posts: 165
    Joyful, Joyful? It's from the same movie...
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