wedding music guidelines
  • teachermom24
    Posts: 327
    My parish is writing guidelines for weddings and asked me to work on the music section. Would anyone mind sharing your parish's guidelines for wedding music?

    Thanks so much,
    Kathy
  • BenBen
    Posts: 3,114
    Here is my parish's public policy:

    How do we determine what music to use in our wedding?
    The ceremony in which the Sacrament of Matrimony is received is an act of worship in the Catholic Church. Therefore, music selections need to reflect the common faith of the whole Church. If you wish to use a particular piece of music or have a visiting musician perform in your wedding ceremony, please consult well in advance with the priest or deacon officiating at your wedding or the Music/Liturgy Director, Glenn Schuster, who can be reached at [phone #].

    Do not overlook the effectiveness of congregational hymns as a part of your ceremony. The singing of hymns by the congregation draws your guests into more active participation in the celebration.

    Music for the ceremony is your responsibility. We will be happy to give you names and phone numbers of organists, pianists, and/or vocalists, but it is up to you to arrange with them for your wedding.
    -From IsthmusCatholic.com


    It seems to me this could be very effective, since if people want to play wonky things, the organist/MD can explain privately.
  • teachermom24
    Posts: 327
    Thank you for your help.
  • matthewjmatthewj
    Posts: 2,700

    I don't encourage hymn singing at weddings. Most people won't sing. I'd rather try to push propers since they're more intrinsic to the Mass and don't require people who don't want to sing to sing.

    I don't believe in large guidelines... those can be communicated better in person. I just have a sheet that explains the fees of the parish music program and says that all music must be approved by the Music Director and must be sacred/liturgical music. In the rare cause that you get someone requesting whacky off the wall stuff, you can deal with it on a case to case basis.
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  • francis
    Posts: 10,821
    This is a great site for wedding guidelines:

    http://www.stclementchurch.org/worship/sacraments/weddings/planning.php

    I use this as the basis for guidelines. We live in a town where people fly here from all over the world to get married. You have to have a good structure to keep things from going whacky here.
  • GavinGavin
    Posts: 2,799
    I always gave a brief friendly lecture:

    "The Mass isn't about you. I think we all know that. But if any Mass comes close to being about you, it's your nuptial Mass. So I'm happy to get your input on what you'd like for ceremonial music. Music at Mass, however has to be appropriate. You'd probably agree with me that 'Baby Got Back' would be rather inappropriate. But somewhere between that and the Gregorian chants proper to the Mass is a line that has to be drawn. In this church, I'm authorized by the pastor to draw that line. I'm happy to go a bit beyond what I may use on a Sunday, but at the end of the day, I need to make sure everything that goes on here musically is appropriate. So, did you have any requests in mind today?"

    (it helps that I'm about the same age as most couples)
    Thanked by 3Ben Jeffrey Quick teachermom24
  • Blaise
    Posts: 439
    Gavin, you work for the Anglicans, do you, from what I remember?
  • GavinGavin
    Posts: 2,799
    Paul, I work for a relatively low Episcopal church at the moment, though I'll soon be moving to Texas for grad school. I certainly prefer working for even low-church Episcopalians.

    My comments were used while I was at a Catholic church, however. At my current church, there really is no policy on wedding music - and I really haven't ever gotten any ridiculous requests!
  • Charles in CenCA
    Posts: 2,416
    You'd probably agree with me that 'Baby Got Back' would be rather inappropriate
    Gavin, you can't be old enough to remember Sir Mixalot!!!
    Of course you're right. But OTOH, the license given to Bridemaids by timid pastors regarding the standards of gown couture nonetheless provides a rationale, if not precedence for that rap, if not the more infamous "put 'em on the _______" (not as in Phillip, noted minimalist composer.) How Long, O Lord, must we endure "Weddings Gone Wild...."?
    Thanked by 1[Deleted User]
  • teachermom24
    Posts: 327
    Francis, Thank you for the link to your parishes wedding guidelines. I would like to look at the page for music suggestions but can't get past page 1. Can you help? Thanks!
  • YellowRoseofTexasYellowRoseofTexas
    Posts: 91
    I have a list of pieces/hymns, under categories: "Seating of the Family," "Processional," etc. On a page before that I have this blurb:

    "Choosing music for your wedding can be an overwhelming task, as you try to pick from the many hymns you’ve heard over the years. Or perhaps you aren’t familiar with the hymnal at the parish you’re getting married at, and so you don’t know where to start. It can be challenging for the church musician as well, as couples request a wide variety of songs and instrumental pieces, some of which the musician has never heard, some of which require a lot of advance preparation or ordering music.
    It is also important to keep in mind a sense of the occasion. Just as we don’t sing “Jingle Bells” at a funeral, there are some songs that because of their associations are better played during the reception than at the Holy Mass, where you make a life-long commitment before God and man in the sacred space of the church.
    However, it can be difficult to know what is appropriate, and time-consuming to consult with the church musicians about what they know. For these reasons, we’ve assembled a list of wedding music to assist you, and included YouTube links for your convenience. The pieces have been chosen for their long association with weddings, for their appropriateness to certain parts of the wedding liturgy, or for the connection of their texts to the themes most present at a wedding. We ask that you choose from the options presented here."

    I did this because the pastor is the one who meets with the couple.

    Then again, as I've only had ONE wedding so far in the 7 months I've been here - and there are no more scheduled for the forseeable future! - I have no idea if this is an effective model or not. And the couple's ONLY request was "Here Comes the Bride" for the processional. Sigh. I let them have it because I figured they were allowing me to pick appropriate music for everything else :) That, and the fact that at this point, that piece is considered eminently appropriate for weddings by the general populace...
  • teachermom24
    Posts: 327
    Speaking of wedding music, my 15yo son, our parish organist, has been asked to play for a wedding in September. This will be his first wedding and I would like now to find a good collection of wedding music for him to begin preparing. Suggestions?
  • GavinGavin
    Posts: 2,799
    How skilled is he? If he can play serious repertoire, the Oxford Wedding Book is good. If not, the Concordia Parish Organist Wedding Book is a VERY good bet (either way, actually!) Oxford also has a Wedding Book for Manuals Alone which I've heard is good, but I've never seen it.
  • teachermom24
    Posts: 327
    Thank you. William is an accomplished pianist which works fine on our parish organ since he doesn't play the pedals. As a convert from the LCMS, I wondered about Concordia so will check that out.
  • GavinGavin
    Posts: 2,799
    "Gavin, you can't be old enough to remember Sir Mixalot!!!"

    Charles, I'll have you know it was played at all the dances when I was in 8th grade. Heavily censored, of course! I thought it was about ribs for a while...


    "How Long, O Lord, must we endure "Weddings Gone Wild...."?"

    I have to say, I've YET to have a "bad" wedding. I've only done about 6 in the 10 years I've been playing, but all of them have been nice people, with musical tastes running from high (Mozart, and another that said "we love what you do on Sunday, just pick something you like!") to cheesy (Wagner and Pachelbel - and I don't mean the Magnificat Fugues!) My last boss, who was ordained around the same time I began playing organ, said that at a prior assignment he had a couple demand their ring bearer ride a tricycle down the aisle. Past that, he had no stories for me.

    I say this not to invalidate the horror stories so many here have, but to ask: is it getting better? I haven't heard of any silly requests since the 90s. So many of my peers who are non-religious are getting the garden weddings, so the silly requests go there. All the couples who get married in a church now seem to do it so they can have a "traditional wedding" - (cheesy) music included. But then, I'm only speaking from Michigan.
  • BenBen
    Posts: 3,114
    @Gavin

    The last two weddings I attended had great music. But that being said, one was a sung ad orientem OF (with a latin canon), and the other was an EF missa cantata directed by Kevin Allen (which was the wedding of a forum member, which might explain a lot:) ). At my home parish, I hear the weddings are usually quite sensible as well, though I haven't attended one recently.

    The way I see it is thus: If you consistently have high quality music on Sundays (chant, polyphony, organ, etc), sooner or later, couples will start asking for it at their weddings. It's only natural, and if you ask me, it's the only way it's going to happen on any widespread scale. I know I will be, but I am officially an oddball already :P

    But the point is: I wouldn't have considered asking for (or enjoying!) anything like this before my family (I'm only 16) moved to my current parish. At that time, I thought the Haugen/Haas/P+W/Gather/St. Louis Jesuits stuff was wonderful, and I probably still would have without the move.

    Long story short, at the parishes with good music, the wedding music does seem to be getting better, from what I have seen. But it'll only really happen when the rest of the parish returns to solid music.

    That's my two cents.
  • Charles in CenCA
    Posts: 2,416
    Actually, gentlemen, that particular reference was to the sartorial tastes of the bridal party females, not to daft musical repertoire choices. (I mean, who's going to complain that the organist played "Why don't we do it in the road?" instead of "Trumpet Tune" if the whole congregations' eyeballs are fixated upon the melange of curves, cleavage and excessive, unadorned skin? I mean really now! And then, of course, it's always a couple of the buxom bombshells that inevitably wiggle, squiggle and giggle their way to the ambo to be "LECTORS" for the scriptures. ("Take me NOW, Lord!) Makes me mindful of a couple of precious lines in "Four Weddings and a Funeral"- "but, I was promised S*X!"
    Glad to be a geezer!
    Do carry on with the regular programming of the thread.
    Thanked by 1[Deleted User]
  • GavinGavin
    Posts: 2,799
    Charles, I'm 26, male, and single... I think you know what I'm thinking!
  • francis
    Posts: 10,821
    teachermom

    http://www.stclementchurch.org/worship/sacraments/weddings/soundfiles.php

    some of the pslams can border on tacky, but as a whole this site is pretty good.

    btw... we are the final bastion of cheezy requests here in jackson... kinda like the las vegas chapel of the catholic wedding domain... people fly here from all over (sometimes from hell, i think) to tie the knot. my most recent request is 'all you need is love' for the recessional. i gotta get some patent leather beatle boot organ shoes for that fandango... watch out cameron!
  • teachermom24
    Posts: 327
    Thanks, Francis! That is EXACTLY what I was looking for!!
  • Mike R
    Posts: 106
    I think it's amazing that wedding music seems to have improved so much in the last 10-15 years. When I was a kid, I can't remember going to a Catholic wedding that wasn't filled with secular love music. Now it seems that priests/dioceses are at least firm on the music being in religious in nature, and that couples are accepting of this.
  • marajoymarajoy
    Posts: 783
    (maybe the couples are accepting of this b/c the ones who wouldn't be accepting of it aren't even getting married in the Church anymore! sigh...)
    Thanked by 2CHGiffen Gavin
  • Mike R
    Posts: 106
    mara, I almost said that myself, actually
  • gregpgregp
    Posts: 632
    Mara, I think you are right about that also. We have an EF community, which is admittedly different than most parishes, but in three years we have had 4 weddings, all of which have been Solemn High Masses or High Masses, and the couples wanted it that way - chanted Propers, polyphonic Ordinaries - the works!!
  • Charles in CenCA
    Posts: 2,416
    Greg, is your grandbaby your avatar? Beautiful!
  • gregpgregp
    Posts: 632
    That's her! Just turned two in January!
  • R J StoveR J Stove
    Posts: 302
    Paul Henry Lang's book Catholic Church Music has a whole chapter devoted to suitable wedding compositions.
  • hartleymartin
    Posts: 1,447
    I am in a bit of a pickle at the moment with wedding music.

    I am helping a friend with music choices for a wedding. The Bride and Groom are thoroughly Catholic, although about 50% of those attending will be protestant or budhist or agnostic.

    I am recommending Chanted Propers from the SEP or the Anglican Use Gradual to cater for the fact that few there will have any familiarity with Latin, though I am about to also email him the gregorian chants for the nuptial mass.

    It has been suggested that "All People that On Earth Do Dwell" (Old Hundreth) would be a suitable piece for the signing of the registers at the end of the nuptial mass.
    Thanked by 1R J Stove
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