Of all the things I think are a good idea, the one thing people keep asking me to do is write more hymn texts, particularly ones inspired by or based on the Lectionary. So, I thought I'd better get started on that.
Very nice, although to "put deeds to flight" doesn't work for me at all as a metaphor. You can hardly make someone's actions get up and run away. Perhaps "To set our errant ways aright" could serve that line better; it would certainly tie more closely with the foregoing phrase about wandering.
In addition, "Praise Thee, all voices without rest" is grammatically odd. If "Praise" is an imperative, as in the previous line, and is directed at the "voices," then the object, God, cannot be in the second person ("Thee"). "Praise God" would solve this problem. Or if, instead, the line is just an inversion of the factual statement "All voices without rest praise Thee," then it is confusing, because it sure sounds like it was meant to be an imperative.
I am also not fond of the repetition of "Come soon" in the penultimate line, since the corresponding phrase in the previous stanza did not have such a repetition. Perhaps "Make haste" could substitute here.
To participate in the discussions on Catholic church music, sign in or register as a forum member, The forum is a project of the Church Music Association of America.