Well-Paid but Liturgically Miserable: What Would You Do?

DominicanCantor

I’ll try to keep this Iliad of a situation relatively brief.

A few years ago, I accepted a position at a large, traditionally inclined parish with a substantial music budget and only one contemporary Mass. Since then, I have increasingly felt bait-and-switched.

My pastor has restricted the use of the organ to only one of our five English-language liturgies.

I have had to lay off excellent, personally lovely professional singers and instrumentalists for multiple consecutive years because the music budget was repeatedly overpromised by higher-level leadership. That has sucked.

I have had to teach myself guitar (help me, dear Lord) in order to comply with stylistic directives for certain Masses.

I have received detailed instructions about how I should use my own singing voice at different liturgies: “more pop-oriented and airy at noon,” and so forth. I find this strangely invasive.

I have been angrily reprimanded for making minor seasonal changes.

I have been banned from praying all verses of any hymn, even the final hymn. When Father is done, I find a cadence, ritard the sucker and end it. Sometimes, this makes me literally grip my seat in frustration. Why am even I here If all I do is provide Jesus-themed background noise for the awkwardly quiet parts of mass?

Despite my liturgical knowledge and experience, I am basically never consulted about liturgical or musical decisions. I am simply told what style to implement, and many repertoire decisions are even dictated to me. Every liturgy at this large parish has different music and different Mass settings, despite my repeated warnings that maintaining so many separate programs is a poor use of my limited hours and creates unnecessary difficulty for volunteer singers.

I have been explicitly directed to replace more traditional settings with particular contemporary ones, even when, in my professional judgment, the choir involved was not remotely equipped to perform the newer repertoire well.

The deeper problem is that I am expected to project constant enthusiasm and “Spirit-filled joy” about a musical and liturgical direction that I sincerely believe contributes to the erosion of our sacred musical heritage and imports poor evangelical-style music into the Roman liturgy.

I find it increasingly dishonest to present myself as enthusiastic about something I believe is contrary to the spirit of the liturgy. I am being required to serve as an instrument of a charismatic reorientation that I strongly dislike. I deeply miss the traditional liturgical character of my former employment.

The difficulty is that this parish pays me exceptionally well—so well that leaving for almost any position would require a major reduction in income. I am not sure that I can justify that economically.

Would you accept substantially less money for a position whose work you could be more proud of? If leaving is not presently realistic, what would you do in the meantime? Set firmer boundaries? Quietly endure it? Wait for a change in leadership? Begin planning a gradual exit?

Sacred-music veterans: how would you navigate this?

Charles_Weaver

This sounds like a nightmare.

Years ago, when I was starting out as a freelance early-music performer, someone taught me this model. When considering whether or not to take an engagement, ask:

1. Is this good music? Do you love playing it?
2. Are these good colleagues? Do you love playing with them?
3. Does it pay well?

In order to justify saying yes and staying happy, you must have two out of three. I think something like this could be adopted for sacred music, perhaps changing the character of numbers 1 and 2 to reflect that context: are these beautiful, prayerful liturgies? Is this a community that is building up the Church? etc.

You have to do what is right for your family, for sure. I have never relied solely on the practice of church music for my income, so I have been able to be much more choosy liturgically about where I work since #3 is not so important for me in that context.

trentonjconn

My 2 cents: leave.

If you are miserable, and if your interior life is suffering, move on. Regularly leaving liturgies angry and frustrated is a horrible feeling. Do not aid in the destruction of our liturgical heritage, and do not destroy your soul or your joy.

...unless of course you have a family to support, in which case you may need to stick it out.

rvisser

The deeper problem is that I am expected to project constant enthusiasm and “Spirit-filled joy” about a musical and liturgical direction that I sincerely believe contributes to the erosion of our sacred musical heritage and imports poor evangelical-style music into the Roman liturgy.

No amount of money is worth the internal struggle that you are describing (speaking from experience!). I left a position that paid very well for a parish with a solid pastor, school, and mission. This resulted in a $10,000 a year pay cut (not including that I was offered a raise to stay). I am the sole wage earner for my family of 8, and support my family exclusively with my full time church position.
It was worth the pay cut. God will provide what you need.

JDT

Leave. It will do more harm to your soul to stay and become increasingly angry at Mass.

Diapason84

Despite my liturgical knowledge and experience, I am basically never consulted about liturgical or musical decisions. I am simply told what style to implement, and many repertoire decisions are even dictated to me.

Are these decisions coming solely from the pastor?

tandrews

Will this pastor be rotated out soon?

Liam

Was there a change of pastors during your tenure or in the 2-3 years before you arrived?

Also unclear is if the "traditionally oriented" was a temporary and un-rooted phase that preceded you (and for the reversal of which you were merely intended to be an instrument) or a long-term settled and rooted thing - in the latter case, there would likely be evidence of turnover in congregants.

francis

Why am even I here If all I do is provide Jesus-themed background noise for the awkwardly quiet parts of mass?

Many of us have been forced into the “prostitution” of unsacred music performance in the NO. If you can do it, move on to something else.

BRUSH THE DUST. DON’T LOOK BACK.

davido · 10:47AM

I would have probably gotten myself fired from that job by now.

Bobby Bolin · 12:17PM

Before you leave, I would communicate these concerns to everyone involved. Give a non-emotional explanation of why you bring each point up. Say that you are considering leaving because it doesn't fit with the style you were hired to implement and what the Catholic Church is looking for. That will give you an idea if they really want you there and appreciate you.

ServiamScores · 12:53PM

I had to resign one of my jobs after the liturgical abuse got so bad that I had to stop receiving communion because of the sheer rage I would feel. It was AWFUL. I lived under a dark cloud for months. My shoulders felt physically lighter after I resigned. It took me a minute to land on my feed (and I didn't have children to care for at the time) but I was SO GLAD I left. Grin and bear it until you find something else, but you should start looking. Something will come along (although you might have to move for it).

The pastor should not be micromanaging the program the way he is, and furthermore, he shouldn't be pushing an agenda which spits in the face of magisterial teaching about sacred music. He's robbing Peter to pay Paul. The boomers will be happy for a little while longer, but he's likely driving all the young adults from the parish. That's my guess, anyway.

SponsaChristi · 1:49PM

how would you navigate this?

Disclaimer: I'm not a sacred music veteran, but I am a veteran when it comes to be being stuck employed in a low-paying physically, emotionally, and psychologically unhealthy, abusive, soul-sucking job for 12+ years to the point where severe injury near-misses at work left me disappointed because WCB was the only way I could afford time off work to get some much needed rest.

The difficulty is that this parish pays me exceptionally well—so well that leaving for almost any position would require a major reduction in income. I am not sure that I can justify that economically.

I can empathize, except for the part about being paid exceptionally well. Being single, having a litany of disabilities, and being the sole-provider for myself in a country with a terrible economy and poor job market doesn't give me the luxury of just up and quitting because I don't like my job or how it makes me feel.

I am not sure that I can justify that economically.

Start here. Get some alone time with your wife where you won't be interrupted, and have a conversation. Figure out your finances, determine what you need to live off, make a written budget. Determine what your financial goals are and if your can afford to leave your position for a pay cut. If you have a debt, can you push through and pay it off so you need less money each month moving forward? What expenses can you cut or reduce? Do you have an emergency fund of 6 months worth of expenses? Figure out a financial plan and financial goals. Simply having financial goals and having a strong purpose can help make uncomfortable and unpleasant employment more bearable.

If leaving is not presently realistic, what would you do in the meantime? Set firmer boundaries? Quietly endure it? Wait for a change in leadership? Begin planning a gradual exit?

Start with making a good thorough examination of conscience and making a really good confession and making a really good communion reception. Then spend time in prayer asking our Lord for guidance. These are traditionally the first steps in discernment and discerning God's will. Just in case you're not in the state of grace this will get you back into the state of grace. If your relationship with God is severed, all one can really do is pray for the grace to get back into the state of grace. It will also give you extra graces and enlightenment to more clearly discern God's will for you. Also pray for the graces you and your family need, as well as everyone's spiritual, financial, and temporal needs. God will provide so long as it is not sinful and is to your spiritual benefit.

Being that you're married, your marriage and family take precedence over your employment desires. Also, it goes without saying that it is not God's will that we sin, so any decision you make that would result in you committing sin, is not God's will.

Practally speaking, I found therapy particularly helpful, both mentally and financially. A good therapist will give you a safe place to vent your frustrations to, as well as give you tools to practice and use while you're working to help recognize unhealthy thought patterns, re-frame your your thoughts, change your negative perspectives into more helpful ones, help you set smart goals and keep you accountable to them while you develop a plan to leave. A good therapist will also help you with communication skills, so you can have more confidence in and better emotional regulation when having difficult conversations with your pastor. A good therapist will also help teach you how to set and enforce boundaries with your pastor.

I know it's an extra cost, but speaking from my own experience, if it weren't for therapy, I wouldn't be in the financial, mental, or emotional state I am now to be able to become debt-free, finally finish the last year of my degree without debt while working full time, set myself up to be able to retire and have hope for retirement, but most importantly, manage my manager's angry and abusive outbursts at me, or set and enforce boundaries with her, and restore hope for getting out of what was only supposed to be a temporary 6 month job to avoid homelessness.

Aside from therapy, what I find helpful when having to endure suffering is try to find God in it and determine how I can use it to mine and others' spiritual benefit. The Church has a very rich theology on redemptive and purgative suffering, and it is through bearing one's suffering patiently that made many saints into the saints they are now, as well as what made them into God's instrument to use to help redeem sinners who would otherwise be lost without the extra graces provided through the suffering of such souls.

Obviously God does not will that we should suffer, but he does allow it for our benefit as well as the benefit of others if it will provide a greater spiritual good that we will only know about at the Final Judgment when God's entire plan for salvation will be revealed.

Before you leave, I would communicate these concerns to everyone involved. Give a non-emotional explanation of why you bring each point up. Say that you are considering leaving because it doesn't fit with the style you were hired to implement and what the Catholic Church is looking for. That will give you an idea if they really want you there and appreciate you.

This, but before you do this, make sure you're financially in a position to lose your job just in case they decide to end your employment to find someone who is a better fit for their style.

Welcome to the MusicaSacra Forum!

Categories