SATB Sacris Solemniis - Feedback Wanted

OMagnumMysterium

I have been working on a composition, and would like some feedback.

The idea is that the men would chant the first verse of Sacris Solemniis, everyone would sing the next verse SATB, ladies would chant the third verse, fourth verse SATB, etc. After the ladies chant the seventh verse, everyone sings the Amen.

I've only put the words for the second verse in the polyphony, but it should get the idea across. I'm sorry that the audio is so bad.

(Also, I know the tenor part is pretty low, we don't have real tenors at our parish)

OMagnumMysterium

I'd be grateful for some honest feedback, even if it's negative.

The last thing I'd want to do would be to suggest a piece be used at Mass if it's not truly good sacred music.

ServiamScores

Generically, I like the SATB bits. The singular thing that bothers me is the key relationships. I cannot for the life of me discern how the polyphony relates to the chant key-wise. It seems like the chant ends, and then the motet starts in a totally unrelated mode/key. I suspect choirs would struggle with that. The recording transitions back into the chant well enough, but it's particularly the transition from the chant to the motet that escapes me. The motet itself is lovely though.

OMagnumMysterium

@ServiamScores
That is the same thing my mother said. I came up with the transition by just singing in my head what I imagined hearing and then writing it down, but if it doesn't make sense to other people, that carries more weight than what makes sense to my ears. An earlier draft had the SATB start homophonic (and remain throughout), which was more in the key of C major (with only a little modulation to G major). I've attached that below.

m_r_taylor

Perhaps have the alto start first, on the E, and only afterwards have some other voice enter in on a G.

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