Wedding music prep materials
  • It's nearly wedding planning season again, and in an effort to make this process as user friendly as possible to engaged couples, I created a google site to assist them in making music selections:
    https://sites.google.com/sesmschool.com/sesm-weddingmusic/home

    A bit of background:
    I really enjoy playing for weddings and working with engaged couples. It brings me great joy! I've played for over 200 weddings, but am now at a new parish. I had to adjust my standard wedding repertoire because in my previous parish I used both piano and organ, but here it is just organ. The pastor is in favor of including the chanted propers. I use the Simple English Propers, but wasn't able to dig up videos for all of these. I meet with couples individually to plan wedding music. This is intended as a supplemental resource for couples who want to prepare before meeting with me, or who want to go listen to more options after we talk. It is not a substitute for a meeting with both the bride and groom in person.

    I am looking for feedback on the following:
    1. Is it easy to understand what selections need to be made?
    2. Are there too many or two few options?
    3. Comments on the repertoire selections? (some pieces are just things I enjoy playing, and some of the vocal selections are ones known to this particular parish)

    Thanked by 1tandrews
  • Reval
    Posts: 186
    I personally think you have way too many choices. I think you should offer 3-4 maximum. I also wouldn't bother offering all those prelude pieces, the wedding party won't be there to hear them anyway. Maybe have them choose the one prelude piece where the "seating of the mothers" happens.
    Just my two cents!
    Thanked by 1rvisser
  • Bri
    Posts: 116
    Do you ever have couples who don't have preferences?

    Should there be an "any of the above" option for each section?

    I could imagine that some have a strong preference for the processional and recessional but not much else.
    Thanked by 1ServiamScores
  • The website looks beautiful, first of all, and very convenient to navigate.

    Is this your personal rep list, or does this take the place of the general guidelines sheet?

    Did you secure right of first refusal? That, of course, would change everything.

    You also need the priests (all of them!) on your team -- making sure the couples *actually receive* these documents at their very first meeting, and an assurance that the priests will not pull rank and go over your head approving the unapprovable. The policy should be approved by the pastor, and he should treat it as his final word on the matter. The only grounds for making exceptions should be clear and simple enough to be explained to and accepted by a four-year-old.

    The only issues I ever had were situations where the clergy involved did not manage to put a copy of my guidelines (which included regs on when to meet with me, who could play, what needed to be chosen, and the broad outline of what was possible / unacceptable) in the couple's hand.

    Then, all bets were off... and, as you know, when hands are loose and free in giving exceptions to some, -- people wonder what makes those folks so much more special, and why the same cannot be done for them? My years-long sticky situations were almost entirely because exceptions had been granted above my head (or sneaked in), or rank had been pulled to allow something that was flagrantly *not* our policy. The ripples and repercussions of that kind of thing never die down entirely.

    All of that is to say: making sure the process on the user-end is smooth, and that you have genuine oversight even when directly involved, is to my mind much more important than the particulars of the document, particularly in a situation where you will not be directly involved in the execution of every wedding, but will then be held accountable by future couples (small town, remember?) to what was done at other weddings, even weddings you did not play.

    My regs were not a rep list (although suggestions were included), b/c I didn't feel I could hold all the possible accompanists to a common set of repertoire, and because I wanted to give maximal freedom to couples who would want to do something better than what a humdrum list would include, without appearing, in those cases, to be making exceptions that would embolden the Folk Mass Army to say, "well, he just cuts breaks to people he likes, and its not fair that we can't do [x, y, or z]."
  • @NihilNominis, how did you phrase your statements on the general type of acceptable repertoire?
  • @Reval - I will simplify the choices on the google site but have a longer repertoire list for couples who need something more.
    @Bri - yes, I've often encountered couples who don't have preferences, and when I meet I will just suggest what I think will work for their wedding and they usually defer to whatever I choose. I'd like to make the selection process into a fillable google form eventually.

    @Nihil - The priests are sending couples to me as soon as they meet with them, so by default I am pretty much getting first right of refusal. For the weddings where someone else has played, I have met with the couples and then said "talk to your pianist about what repertoire she is comfortable playing." I can still help them choose hymns, but I left the processional/recessional up to the pianist because I can't dictate what another accompanist is able to play.

    The biggest feedback I have had from couples since I arrived is that they are confused about what they need to do for wedding planning, which is why I am trying to make this user-friendly for them. In my last [Catholic mega] parish, we had three wedding retreats per year, with 8-10 couples at each. I did a "Wedding Workshop" at the end of each retreat, where we walked through the wedding with music selections (cantors and instrumentalists would be there to sing/play) and the priest and I talked about the various parts of the wedding rehearsal/day and what was appropriate for liturgy. This took 75-90 minutes, and it was time well spent because it nearly eliminated requests for crazy wedding music. After the retreat, I would meet with each couple individually to do their music and liturgy planning. This model is not really transferable to a smaller parish, but my idea here is to take the "Wedding workshop" and replace it with the google site and then meet with couples to discuss the particulars of their wedding.

    I get what you are saying about having to deal with the consequences of what is done at weddings that I don't play at, but so far all of those music selections have gone through me for approval (and there has been nothing inappropriate, just boring...). So far everything is going well with the priests. The pastor is always careful to check with me about music selections for weddings or funerals (if he was not the one doing the planning) to see if he needs to intervene in any way.