Parody Hymn Text for Fun (Tune: THE ASH TRAY)
  • NihilNominisNihilNominis
    Posts: 1,021
    I had occasion to reply to a Facebook post about an ashtray on an organ console. I wrote a marvelous hymn text. And yet, the original post was deleted, erasing my creation as well.

    Here, then, for posterity, in all its wonderment, is THE ASH TRAY:

    When church gets depressing
    And sermons distressing,
    We reach in our pockets
    And pull out a pack.

    As blood pressure rises
    When guilt-trips surprise us,
    Just one little puff
    Brings some sanity back.

    Tobacco smoke reaching
    The Reverend preaching
    Soon sends him a-coughing,
    Has us on the floor!

    Like incense to Heaven
    Our lives’ sorrows’ leaven
    Arises, inflames, un-
    til we’re shown the door.
    Thanked by 9ServiamScores irishtenor tandrews Carol MNadalin Casavant Organist CHGiffen CharlesW Brian Michael Page
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    Speaking of tobacco, how many here have read James I"s Diatribe against the foul stench of this ubiquitous habit, and the poor lungs filled with blackened tar, less tolerable on earth that in Stygian realms

    I smoked for almost thirty years and enjoyed the ritual behaviours around blowing out the smoke just so, holding the thing just so, etc. I quit in the early nineties. I just quit one day, had no withdrawal experiences and haven't smoked since. It wasn't until I had quit that I noticed how preposterously, how noxious and nauseous was the odour of these poisonous little killers, these cancer sticks

    It is a grievous sin to smoke, because one is knowingly killing his and her bodies
    My Grandfather (Who never got ill) was constantly smoking cigar and if it wasn't fresh one in was likely to be a stump which he keep smoldering for hours. One must admit that cigar and pipe smoke has a certain rich pungiance if coming from newly lit cigar; even moreso a fresh pipe. But they are killers just he save,
  • trentonjconn
    Posts: 623
    "It is a grievous sin to smoke"

    Certainly (hopefully?) this is hyperbolic poetic language as opposed to a literal truth claim, yes?
  • Carol
    Posts: 856
    Very clever parody!

    I never smoked but my father smoked Pall Mall cigarettes for many years and then switched to a pipe in an effort to quit. The sense of smell is supposed to be closely connected to memory and I do enjoy a whiff of cigarette or pipe smoke as it reminds me of my dad. Obviously a bad habit, but thanks for the memory, MJO.
  • Liam
    Posts: 5,093
    Well, in the USA, many of the Greatest Generation got addicted to caffeine, tobacco and alcohol to get through their responsibilities (on the front and on the home front). I was raised in a house filled with smoke. I have vivid sense memories of being nauseated in the backward facing rear bench seat of our station wagon with the smoke filling our end, begging the driver to open the windows.

    I abjure the smallest hint of tobacco smoke over 50 years later...and have not the slightest positive association with it.
  • francis
    Posts: 10,825
    MJO

    Do you drink alchohol?

    I have a club that I started called the ATF... We gather often.

    [IMHO, alchohol and tobacco are only a crime if they control you and you are not controlling them. One can also die of eating too much meat and drinking too much water. We must be masters of our bodies and all of their appetites. A little scotch and tobacco can be a good remedy for mind and soul! (Yea, you can quote me on that)]
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,980
    Well, the alcohol is out because it is incompatible with my blood pressure medicine. Isn't getting old fun! I started smoking in high school because I could hang out with the cool kids in the smoking area outside. Didn't we all want to look like the Marlboro man?
    However, I quit in the mid eighties. Watching your father die of lung cancer is a powerful incentive to stop.
    Thanked by 1Carol
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    If my boys were to take up smoking, they would likely be committing a mortal sin because they know that three of their great uncles have died of smoking-related cancers, and that, therefore, the sensible description of their actions as suicidal.

    On the other hand, my grandfather (born 1904) smoked a pipe for many years and I remember fondly the aroma, the presence which filled the rooms in which he smoked, even when he wasn't smoking or in them.

    Hobbits and English professors smoke pipes. I find it hard to describe it (blanketedly) as a mortal sin.
  • Brian Michael Page
    Posts: 157
    From a former smoker (my wife and I both quit on II-1-2006), I love it. Hilarious!
    BMP
  • Andrew_Malton
    Posts: 1,187
    My dad stopped smoking in 1977, from maybe a pack a day to zero overnight. He lives on, now 88.

    My associations with tobacco are pretty similar to Liam’s.

    But as for mortal sin. How -- crucially in this age of information and data -- do we judge the morality of taking on risk? especially when the risk is obscure due to our or common error and ignorance? When does "I might die" become a culpable and reckless roulette?

    Not much to do with music, except the risks of playing the bagpipes at 2am.
  • trentonjconn
    Posts: 623
    I could see how, perhaps, a smoking dependency which puts one's life at risk MIGHT be sinful, perhaps even gravely so. Certainly, though, smoking per-se (be it a pipe, a cigar, or even a cigarette) is not immoral in any way.
  • francis
    Posts: 10,825
    In an age where smoking is considered more deadly than abortion, I take todays proscribers of justice with a pillar of salt, a beer and Virginia No 1.
    Thanked by 2trentonjconn ServiamScores
  • mmeladirectress
    Posts: 1,100
    >> One can also die of [...] drinking too much water.

    yes - I think I heard that even saliva can be fatal (but only if swallowed in small quantities over a long period of time)
    Thanked by 2Carol francis
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