Prayers for you, of course. I retired at the end of July and I have never looked back even once. I know we are supposed to turn the other cheek to people like your pastor. Nowhere in scripture does it say which cheeks to turn to people like him.

I faced a similar situation but in a different industry. I made the decision to retire, but I'm single and I don't have a wife and children to be worried about. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. Since, you are planning to leave at a future date you'll have to weigh the benefits of sticking it out or leaving now. If you're still young enough to keep working just make sure you have some where to go, good jobs are hard to find.

You definitely have my prayers. I have no advice, except to take time for prayerful reflection.

Thank you for all your prayers. I suppose I didn't really tell you what happened this morning...
In an effort to work with Father, I tried to ask him if our music was ok (we sang everything in English and sang congregational hymns at the entrance, offertory, and concluding, I was going to do Communion too but forgot my NEH at home). His response to me was "Well, I didn't really like it, and it didn't help me pray. You know, when you listen to videos of chant, it's so beautiful, but yours didn't help me to pray."

Needless to say, I have been upset about this all day, and I am really at a loss as for what to do. I know that, sadly, I will not be able to do the Triduum if I do not stick it out. I have another job in the works but it doesn't start until June. I am really dying to do the Triduum since we didn't really get to do it last year. I'd even do it all English - I don't even care. But I can only take so much.

I should also mention that Father had taken no issue with our music before Advent, and, in fact, he was very appreciative of the polyphony we had done the summer of 2019. So it did come as a complete shock to me that he began making these complaints to me.

We know from previous threads that your music program does not conform fully to diocesan directives, but with the pastors support/acquiescence you have been able to continue. A question - have there been other changes before Advent last year, such as a new assistant pastor, or have the Masses been newly streamed on the Internet? It could be that your pastor is subjected to pressure from the diocese.

M. Jackson Osborn's comment seems to be the most helpful. Ask to speak to your priest and try to thrash out some sort of agreement.

I hate to say it - actually I don't - but I have met some priests who are little more than misfit children who never grew up. Treasure the ones that are actually great people. They do exist. I don't get angry with the bad ones but realize I don't have to put up with them. More people should adopt that attitude instead of putting them on pedestals.

Advance approval is an aspect of “support” as in the clergy supports you and your practice. A good and necessary thing, to be sure.

But priests I've worked with (as unpaid doer-of-music, never paid DM, mind you) don't want to approve every line, every title. Also unfortunately a man who's use “It doesn't help me pray” and “It isn't as good as a recording” as critical comments is likely to eventually reject afterwards something he approved beforehand.

I hope you can find a way of agreeing with Father, at least until Easter. Perhaps it will mean not singing even English plain chant but just the better “hymns”?

Jackson,

I think the purpose of pre-approval at this stage is to say (in effect) "Since you approved it before we did it, you can't complain about it after the fact".

>> the priest, pastor, and his choirmaster should have regular meetings [...] that are sacrosanct
This!! Weekly if necessary, hopefully not.

Kathy’s idea of recording is a good one; a lot to be learned from this even in general.

I wondered as I read OP’s comments, what sort of chant recording makes the pastor feel “prayerful”?
English? Latin?
Accompanied, or not?
Even (heaven forbid) recordings w echoes, sound effects? There are some.
Could it be useful to know what he’s listening to?

Cassavant Organist,
Walk.
Find a nearby Parish at which to worship.
You will like yourself again, and from your self effacing internet persona it seems you are worth liking.
Your Nemesis Padre will quickly find out how difficult it is to retain a competent organist or any kind of music program.

Over the years, it has been my experience that the less the job paid, the more I paid for it.
It has been serendipitous for me to have served some very, very good Pastors and Priests who gave me all the leeway I could muster. If that didn't happen I would
walk.
jefe

It doesn't exactly help that the priest doesn't know almost anything about liturgy. I had to teach him how to say EP I, how to do incense properly, etc. I walked him through our Easter Vigil (which got cancelled by the Diocese...) and wrote up detailed instructions for how to do Holy Week/Triduum properly. Perhaps I should walk. I would hate to leave the church in a situation without my assistance right before Easter, especially considering the complex liturgies. But maybe it's the right thing to do. I am generous by nature but it can be my downfall sometimes.

The only problem is that the nearby parishes are either the worse music-wise or are closed because of the draconian and unjust lockdowns. So I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place here. And if you know me personally, then you will know that I would struggle very much without regular access to the sacraments. Who knows if the lockdown will be reinstated in our area - if that happens I'll probably not have access to Mass and Confession.

Weekly meetings in my case would be unhelpful at best and harmful at worst, unfortunately. There's a language barrier (he's a Syro-Malabar priest) so sometimes when I try to explain rubrics and local customs he can't understand me unless I show him. And then he has been telling me lately that "the rubrics don't matter, only the preference of the people". Which, for his purposes, usually means the youth minister and some select people in the church whom he likes and thinks represents the thought of the entire parish.

I still say get away from him. This priest has real problems and issues and you don't want to be caught in the middle of them. If he is saying "the rubrics don't matter, only the preference of the people," he would have real issues with the hierarchy of the Syro-Malabar church.

There's a language barrier

A Guatemalan priest incardinated in the USA was offended at someone for years who used the commonplace expression, "speak of the devil!" when he came in late for a meeting.

Serviam,

I don't want to be understood as coming to the defense of the indefensible, but if any of the following are true, it may be only partly the fault of the individual priest:

1) He was educated by Jesuits (hence the expression "As lost as a Jesuit in Holy Week")
2) He was educated in a seminary in which "Social Justice" or "Liberation Theology" were emphasized. (This is not identical to #1).
3) He has read the "rubrics" of the Ordo of Paul VI, which at one time said, "These or other similar words"
4) He has noted the enormous number of eucharistic prayers and the attitude of the Roman dicasteries to improvised prayers.
5) He has studied carefully the words of Pope Francis, gloriously reigning, who speaks of a certain rigidity in people he calls Pharisees.
6) He has read When Sheep attack, and misunderstood it.

You are correct in assuming he is from Kerala. In fact, both are.

I would say, however, that he requested my advice specifically on those occasions. He sought me out specifically to ask how to do the vigil, incense, etc. So unless he set himself up for disappointment, I'm not really sure what to think.

I've received a request or two from people asking me to stick it out until Easter. I'll have to see.

Still praying for you.

So he has made these "people" who are complaining to him, probably including the Vicar, more important than you. No degradation or inconvenience is too great for you, as long as he can please them.

Does that sound right?

-Edit-

I just read that over and realized it could come across as unsympathetic, which I don't mean at all. It's just that the more I hear about this priest's actions, the less respectful he sounds.

Kathy, no offense taken at your response. In fact, I see it as absolutely correct except on the point about the Vicar - our "chancellor" at the diocese is quite strict about these things but this priest does not go to the diocesan meetings or deanery meetings and thus has limited to no communication with the higher-ups. As I said before, the (only) opinions that matter are those of the youth minister (who comes from afar and isn't even a parishioner) and those who volunteer and assist her. I have nothing against her except that she seems to be continually pushing her agenda in the church and has no regard for the people at all, and communicates to Father as though her ideas are the ideas of the people. She has been kind to me and has treated me infinitely better than Father, despite our disagreements.

I should mention that a recent survey showed that parishioners wanted more focus on pastoral work/youth ministry. We began YM about 4-5 years ago and it was a huge success at the beginning, but eventually, the gimmicks like t-shirts, nonstop P&W, infantile preaching, etc. gave rise to a gradual decrease in participation. It is now seemingly difficult for them to get any member of the youth to participate in almost anything. And when they do, it's always the same people, which doesn't send a great message to me about how they're treating their people. But who knows - perhaps I've been out of it. All I know for sure is that my opinion as a parishioner of 10+ years,
a regular worshipper, and a dedicated volunteer does not matter. Only those who seem to have his ear in the office or those whom he likes make a difference. And then his own personal opinion about things too, which goes totally against when he tells me that it's all about the people. So the messages that are getting sent are very confusing.

Apparently, Father had a conversation with someone involved in music at the parish this morning and he asked if this person would be able to "convince me" to do contemporary music exclusively. I think the wording was like "how can I get him to do the songs that the other choirs do" or something to that effect. But the person whom he spoke with came to my defense and told him that there was no need for me to change anything, that the music is beautiful, and that, despite my talent and ability to change on a dime, it would not be serving my needs as a member of the faithful and would not fly. This person also warned Father, without telling him of my impending departure, that, should another position come up elsewhere, that I would be taking it and that I would be encouraged to do so.

At the end of the day, being a volunteer, I have no real obligation to the church or to Father. After that conversation this morning, I am going to do music this weekend and evaluate from there. I'm fine to scrap the chant (which is English), and just do hymns/motets. I see that as a real sacrifice, considering all the things that I've done for the church and the desires I have. Perhaps I won't. But if Father has the audacity to complain to me again about the music on Sunday, I will be giving my resignation effective the moment he speaks to me. I have done everything in my power to compromise with him, including the ceasing of Latin entirely, but I am not going to switch the style that I do to contemporary.

It was my intention to have already left by this point but unfortunately, the lockdowns have been extended in the places where I wish to go to Mass (there's a TLM nearby that I was going to go to) so this is kind of the only way for me to get to Mass unless I want to go west to another church. The problem, of course, is that the music would be far worse. And I most certainly don't want to just not go to Mass "because of the dispensation". I thrive on the Sacraments.

I'm going to take a break from thinking about all of this. It's really eating at my mental health and I think I'm going to end up doing something rash or harmful if I keep ruminating on this.

... seems to be continually pushing her agenda [...] and communicates to Father as though her ideas are the ideas of the people

Probably something that you can never do anything about, there usually is a 'hierarchy' of volunteers, and this is the currency they are getting paid with.
Just to disgress, I am experiencing for the second time (at different places) that 'people do not like the responsorial psalm chanted'; though never anyone complained that he/she didn't like it him-/herserlf. In the first instance it was the pastor who told me, and I suspected that the head of the lector groep was behind it; until she asked me why I had stopped chanting the psalm, which she liked, and I believe her. I made the mistake to go discuss the matter again, which (togehter with a few more items) finally lead to the end of my contract.
In my present position I know that it's the liturgy commitee, so I just stop with the psalm (unless pastor asks questions).

We began YM about 4-5 years ago and it was a huge success at the beginning, but eventually, the gimmicks like t-shirts, nonstop P&W, infantile preaching, etc. gave rise to a gradual decrease in participation. It is now seemingly difficult for them to get any member of the youth to participate in almost anything. And when they do, it's always the same people

Same here, but when pastor believes that this is 'the future of our shrinking church', who am I to dispute?
My own daughters still continue as altar servers and lectors in spite of zero spirtitual leadership from the parish; so I am told to "be proud of your model children" instead of complaining... how about those who should be called, but there is no actual calling?

Father [...] asked if this person would be able to "convince me" to do contemporary music exclusively. [...] But the person whom he spoke with came to my defense and told him that there was no need for me to change anything, that the music is beautiful [...] This person also warned Father [...] that, should another position come up elsewhere, that I would be taking it [..] At the end of the day, being a volunteer, I have no real obligation to the church or to Father.

Brave person! So you can be sure that your pastor knows what his demands can lead to.

But if Father has the audacity to complain to me again about the music on Sunday, I will be giving my resignation effective the moment he speaks to me [...] I am not going to switch the style that I do to contemporary.

With the latest conversation in mind that you heard of, you can sincerely tell him that you positively now that there are parishioners who like your music and, to take his own words as you cited above, that it does "help them pray".

If he insists that you do "the songs that the other choirs do", then tell him that he should ask those to care for the music in your place, which they will certainly be happy to do.
If he just continues to be vague about what exactly is wrong with your music, tell him that this is not a basis for you to continue your service to the parish.
You might call this a 'time-out' rather than resigning even if you think that's it for 99%, in the end there is no contract to be broken. If you are happy enough to get a position elswhere later on, that's a plus!

By the way, would there be any reason for not going to mass simply in the pews? I mean, you do it for the sacrament and not for the priest. The Eucharist remains the Eucharist.

Just swat him in the face, Ace
Slip out the back, Jack
Then get on the bus, Gus
And get yourself free.

Fifty ways to leave your pastor.

In all seriousness, these pastors who are not content and want to remake the parish often don't realize THEY are the problem. They tend to have a history of issues and problems wherever they are assigned leaving a trail of messes for someone else to clean up.

You are not at fault, here. Get out for your own good. And don't take any more crap from this guy.

Do keep us posted on this situation.
And let us know, not 'if', but 'when' you have become free and unfettered.
It's sad, of course, that you have given so much of yourself in the service of this church, and given much of musical and spiritual worth - all for free, yet! it is difficult to leave - but Greg is right{ The air will not change and you can only look forward to more abuse and ingratitude. In fact, the more abuse you take, the more of it will be given you.

Dear C.O., I'm so sorry to hear this. All you can do is shake the dust from your feet and move on. You've been casting pearls before swine for free and the best thing will be to stop. You should be offended, for you have been treated shabbily, which is a feeling many of us know too well.

I don't know if you've had a chance to do it yet, but I still think it would be appropriate to try to get a recording of your work to find out if the complaints/criticisms hold any water whatsoever. Somehow, I suspect your work has been exemplary, which makes it all the more frustrating and unfair. May God bless you as you navigate these choppy waters.

I agree with irishtenor in terms of professional self care.

However, you need to remain clear inwardly - you have not been "casting pearls before swine." You've been casting worship before God.

That, in the end, is what will remain, beyond either the joy or disappointment.

That really sums up my reason to do it. I appreciate your prayers. That is why I go to Mass at all, precisely because I believe in the power of the sacraments despite Father's inappropriate treatment of me. If it had been a regular job of some sort, I would have left a long time ago. But there were enough people to convince me to stay.