a little humor in a time of quarantine
  • mmeladirectress
    Posts: 842
    No one is taking coronavirus for a joke. It's certainly not. But life inside, if you will, is in need of some lightening up. Would it be OK to introduce some gentle (GENTLE, people!) humor in these strange days?

    It is predicted that nine months or so from now, there will be a minor baby boom,
    and 2033 will see the rise of the Quaranteens.
  • Madame,

    Thank you for the levity.

    Due to some slight hospital data-entry mistakes, the most popular baby name in 2020 was COVID, followed closely by WUHAN.
  • bhcordovabhcordova
    Posts: 821
    In time of crisis, always ask WWJWD (i.e. What Would John Wayne Do)?
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,367
    As the weather warms up and deer ticks emerge, one might expect to have CORONA with LYME.
  • TCJ
    Posts: 695
    In time of crisis, always ask WWJWD (i.e. What Would John Wayne Do)?


    I thought it meant What would Jehovah's Witnesses do? After all, they can't go door to door anymore.
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 8,815
    Who let the Covid Cat out of the Wuhan bag?
  • mmeladirectress
    Posts: 842
    I sent a text of encouragement to a friend
    but instead of a hug (((( Roxie )))) I had to use social distancing

    ( ( ( ( Roxie ) ) ) )
    Thanked by 1Elmar
  • JonathanKKJonathanKK
    Posts: 459
    ~ The Microbe ~

    The Microbe is so very small
    You cannot make him out at all,
    But many sanguine people hope
    To see him through a microscope.
    His jointed tongue that lies beneath
    A hundred curious rows of teeth ;
    His seven tufted tails with lots
    Of lovely pink and purple spots,
    On each of which a pattern stands,
    Composed of forty separate bands ;
    His eyebrows of a tender green ;
    All these have never yet been seen—
    But Scientists, who ought to know,
    Assure us that they must be so. . . .
    Oh ! let us never, never doubt
    What nobody is sure about !

    More Beasts for Worse Children (1897), H. Belloc

  • Andrew Malton
    Posts: 833
    I've known the above, and their delightful musical setting by Dudley Glass [1932] by heart since childhood. Thanks for the reminder!
  • Elmar
    Posts: 237
    Our Prime Minister (on the background that we've had six weeks of 'corona whether', meaning bright blue skies all day, even without contrails) regarding cycling to school, once they re-open:
    "Yes, you will be cycling when it rains as well. Yes, you might be getting wet. Remember, this IS still Holland!"
  • Elmar
    Posts: 237
    A rather old one:

    Two planets meet (at a distance, for the topic)
    "How are you?" - "I've got a bad flu... it's called homo sapiens."
    "Too bad, get well soon!" - "I hope so."
    "I've had it too some time ago. There's bad and good news about it." - "Which is?"
    "The bad one: there is still no medicine." - "And the good one?"
    "Usually it doesn't last long, and you'll recover quickly once it's over!"
  • CatherineS
    Posts: 457
    Elmar - we have had nearly non-stop spectacular weather here since 'quarantine' began!
    Thanked by 1Elmar
  • Carol
    Posts: 559
    We are expecting snow overnight, probably just a coating, in May. Quite rare for the Hudson Valley.
    Thanked by 1Elmar
  • bhcordovabhcordova
    Posts: 821
    Carol, for those of us in the Deep South, can you explain this 'snow' you speak of.
  • mmeladirectress
    Posts: 842
    bhcordova -
    you know, that white stuff you buy at 7-11 in a paper cone
    Thanked by 3tomjaw Elmar Carol
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,367
    Yeah, but don't scoop up in a snow-cone what looks like the lemonade flavoured stuff.
  • Carol,

    We've been gettting snow since the SIP was put in place: when we try to get sensible answers to sensible questions, and pure nonsense when new justifications come out.
  • bhcordovabhcordova
    Posts: 821
    @mmeladirectress you mean shaved ice?
    Thanked by 1Carol
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 10,509
    Our weather has been quite crazy. We had an early spring when it rained nearly every day, after day, after day. Now we seem to be alternating between 80 degree days and 40 degree days. There is a frost warning out for tomorrow night when we dip into the thirties. bhcordova, we are in the south at least in the southern Appalachians.

    Will the one of you that ticked off the Lord please stop sinning?
  • CatherineS
    Posts: 457
    Will the one of you that ticked off the Lord please stop sinning?


    Hahahahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh.
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 7,253
    .
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 7,253
    .
  • Elmar
    Posts: 237
    ?
  • mmeladirectress
    Posts: 842
    let's remember that this thread is about humor :-)
    do you like Tom Swifties? here's one

    “Can I become a chorister?” Tom inquired.
  • CatherineS
    Posts: 457
    I had to look up "Tom Swifties." That's clever.
  • Jeffrey Quick
    Posts: 1,629
    Summer is coming, and with it deer ticks. Be extra careful, or you may get Corona with Lyme,
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 8,815
    Star Wars Trash Compactor is Like Unto the Contemporary Music of the VII Movement

    As church musicians, there is a lot going on in this small video clip that truly reflects the dilema we have been in for decades. Take a look and see for yourself!

    1. In the midst of fighting off the demons we fall into an unbearable place filled with rubbish, ugliness and ... that 'smell' (the music...)

    2. Feeling trapped we want to blast out of our situation, but wind up bringing our own fire back on ourselves... because it is 'hermeneutically" sealed.

    3. Of course 'it could be worse', but then... we realize... it is! the thing in the water is out to get us... the BIG THREE. It takes us under at times, but then it lets go, and we find ourselves gasping for breath as we choke on the trash water.

    4. Then God really can't take it any longer and starts the masher.

    5. Princess Leah, of course is like unto the BVM who puts up that long piece of space junk and gives 3CPO (Saint Michael the Archangel) just enough time to divert the catastrophe.

    https://youtu.be/7U3Oti2L8S4
  • CatherineS
    Posts: 457
    Spare us, O Lord.
    Thanked by 1mmeladirectress
  • tomjaw
    Posts: 1,837
    @CatherineS
    Spare us, O Lord.

    I find getting rid of the T.V. and only watching classical music videos on Youtube solves the problems of Hollywood...
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,367
    People keep asking "Is coronavirus REALLY all that serious?" Listen y'all, the casinos and churches are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing it's probably pretty serious.
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 8,815
    lol CHG... that's a great funny... however, I believe the reaction overall was like sending a hook and ladder to a camp fire.
    Thanked by 2CHGiffen tomjaw
  • mmeladirectress
    Posts: 842
    nice to know that the next generation is on the ball !

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gE9r1LkRCV0
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 8,815
    The human spirit... gotta love God for all of his gifts, big and small
    Thanked by 1mmeladirectress
  • CatherineS
    Posts: 457
    I need more jokes...anybody?

    I'll tell one, but it's rather bad and I might mess it up. A Benedictine, a Jesuit and a parish priest are in a remote cabin retreat, praying Vespers together. All of a sudden the power goes out, leaving them in the pitch dark. The Benedictine just keeps going, since he has the whole breviary memorized. The Jesuit runs down to the basement to see if he can fix the power. The parish priest cries "Thank God!" and goes to bed.

    The other one in a similar vein: No one knows what a Jesuit really believes, nor how much money a Franciscan really has.
  • mmeladirectress
    Posts: 842
    I was just diagnosed with an irrational fear of giants.
    It's called feefiphobia.
    Thanked by 2CatherineS Carol
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 7,253
    Mme -

    Is that from fee-fi-fo-fum,
    I smell the blood of an Englishman?
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 8,815
    oooopps??!!
  • mmeladirectress
    Posts: 842
    Criminently, as me auld mother used to say, I’d better stick to Tom Swifties.

    “Elvis is dead,” said Tom expressly.
  • a_f_hawkins
    Posts: 1,974
    A bear walks into a bar and says to the barman, "I'll have a pint of ..................... Guinness."
    The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?" "Don't know," replies the bear. "I've always had them."
  • mmeladirectress
    Posts: 842
    Here’s one that is better told than written
    Do you know why a chicken coop will always have two doors?
    Because if it had four doors, it’d be a chicken sedan.
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,367
    As I used to tell my mathematics classes at times:

    There are three types of mathematicians: those who can count and those who cannot.

  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 7,253
    A priest was asked what it was like to hear a nun's confession -
    He rubbed his head a little and said
    'well, it's sort of like being stoned to death with popcorn'.
  • mmeladirectress
    Posts: 842
    A man was in his favorite chair one evening, reading, when his wife called to him from upstairs. “Dear, have you ever had a terrible sharp pain, like someone had a voodoo doll of you and was jabbing it with a pin?”

    Concerned, the husband said, “No.”

    There was a pause.
    Then his wife called out again. “How about now?”
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,367
    My brother sent me that one, mmeladirectress!!
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,367
    I was visiting my daughter the other day, when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

    "This is the 21st century," she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."

    I can tell you this ... that fly never knew what hit him.
  • Carol
    Posts: 559
    I invented a new word-plagiarism!
  • Carol,

    Fair enough, but Zuckerberg and company have taken the word "gullible" out of online dictionaries, unless you have a subscription (it's behind a paywall).
    Thanked by 3CatherineS Carol Elmar
  • With the country falling apart by the day plus my wife wanting me to rid a hornets' nest from under an eave in our house, I really needed this. I don't think you need be a Mainer to enjoy it.

    https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=728780364551574&external_log_id=7211c9d9bab727c901f60a89469697e3&q=bob marley comedy
    Thanked by 1bhcordova
  • I presume that you all know how Rene Descartes died?

    He walked into his local tavern, where he had been a regular patron for many years. Upon spying him, the barkeep called out, "The usual, M. Descartes?" Pausing for a moment, Descartes replied, "I think not".... and immediately ceased to exist.
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,367
    What's the difference between an onion and an oboe? Nobody cries if you chop up an oboe.

    What's an oboe? It's an ill wind that nobody blows well.

    By the way, I'm an oboist.