Funny hymn parodies
  • Too many variants of this hymn...

    "While shepherds washed their socks by night,
    And hung them on the line,
    The angel of the Lord came down,
    And said 'Those socks are mine !"

    or

    "While shepherds washed their socks by night
    all watching ITV
    the angel of the Lord came down
    and switched to BBC. "


    Wow I post way too much in this amusements section. Lol

  • CharlesW
    Posts: 10,108
    "While shepherds washed their socks by night
    all seated round a tub.
    The angel of the Lord came down
    and gave them all a scrub."
    Thanked by 1Brian Michael Page
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 10,108
    If you like parodies, you have to see the hymnal in the chained library at the Diocese of Winchoster. The stuff is all under copyright, but hilarious.

    link
  • Caleferink
    Posts: 299
    As I appeared to write on the whiteboard in the choir rehearsal room last week:

    "My Shepherd will supply my weed..."

    You can take it from there.
    Thanked by 1CharlesW
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 10,108

    "My Shepherd will supply my weed..."


    Were you that guy at Woodstock? LOL.
  • Any of your own examples of this?
  • ClergetKubiszClergetKubisz
    Posts: 1,895
    "And He will cook you up
    Some chicken wings,
    Spin them in
    Your favorite sauce..."
  • ClergetKubiszClergetKubisz
    Posts: 1,895
    My favorite ones are always the parodies of "Gather Us In"
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 10,108
    I am sure I have posted this somewhere before but...

    Picture yourself in a boat on a river
    With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
    Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly
    A girl with colitis goes by.
  • Gather us in, and make us spaghetti! Gather us in, and feed us all well!
    Call us to chow, we're hungry and ready.
    We shall arise at the sound of your bell.
  • Gather us in, the eggs and the bacon,
    Gather us in, the pancakes and ham,
    Make us to be a well-balanced breakfast,
    Nourished with orange juice poured from a can.
    Thanked by 1chonak
  • Ok I am probably getting a bit excessive here
  • ClergetKubiszClergetKubisz
    Posts: 1,895
    With those parodies, it's not possible. That song cannot be parodied enough in my opinion.
  • JL
    Posts: 162
    I sang quite a lot of hymns to my late cat. Usually I just changed all the words to "kitty" (HELMSLEY and WESTMINSTER ABBEY were pretty good for that), but sometimes I got more creative:

    "My cat is on the floor.
    She's furry and she's sweet.
    She has two feet before,
    And also two hind feet..."

    or

    "My cat looks up to thee,
    As she is rather wee,
    And thou art tall..."

    "Wachet auf, ruft uns die Kitty" also made regular appearances.
    Thanked by 1Brian Michael Page
  • Caleferink
    Posts: 299
    "Wachet auf, ruft uns die Kitty"


    I've heard a rather unfortunate pronunciation for the first two words, first word beginning with "f"
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 10,108
    I remember one of my friends and fellow students using that pronunciation. I had to play that piece in college. A fellow student said, "are you going to play (unfortunate pronunciation) again"? He hated it!
  • Liam
    Posts: 3,822
    I posted this a couple of years ago, but it's a parody of what is probably my most-loathed song in the missalette contemprary genre, "Anthem":

    We are culled, we are frozen,
    we are stuck in here together,
    we are promised to tomorrow
    while we're in this bag today.
    We are corn, we are onions.
    We are peppers - just add cheese.
    We're the harvest for your hunger,
    We are carrots, we are peas(e).
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,156
    Okay, for the traditionalists out there ... to the tune OLD HUNDREDTH:

    Good soup, good meat, good Lord let's eat,
    With freshed baked bread and butter sweet.
    For all the vittles served up here,
    We'll wash it down with home-brewed beer.
    Ale-men!
  • Liam
    Posts: 3,822
    Chuck

    Alternatively, TALLIS' CANON in canon.
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen
  • @Liam
    Verse:
    Then where can we be in the spoon into the person's mouth? In no one else but whom are hungry, nothing else but he who starves, Who was spices for the peppers, who was rage againts the peas, who was hope to get us eaten, who was you!
    Thanked by 1Liam
  • ViolaViola
    Posts: 321
    The seceder cat is popular in Scotland. Pious Calvinist congregations thought it inappropriate to use the sacred words for practice during the week, so instead of singing 'O for a thousand tongues to sing my great Redeemer's praise' etc they sang:

    There was an auld seceder cat
    an' it was unco' grey.
    It brocht a moose intae the kirk
    upon the Sabbath day...

    They took it tae the Ses-si-on
    wha it rebukit sair,
    an' made it promise faithfully
    to dae the same nae mair...
    Thanked by 2CHGiffen CharlesW
  • JL
    Posts: 162
    To SAINT ANNE:

    I have a little goldfish.
    He doesn't make a sound--
    He just keeps swimming round and round
    And round and round and round.

    And round and round and round and round,
    And round and round and round...
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,156
    Alternatively, TALLIS' CANON in canon.

    Or HERNANDO'S HIDEAWAY.

  • Is this all fair use?
  • Please to leave Tallis' canon out of this.
    Some music really is 'sacred music'.
  • Liam
    Posts: 3,822
    Any real Englishman understands that butter and beer are sacred.
  • But they're a different category of sacred.
    Or so it seems to me.

    On the other hand -
    I suppose if one can sing the weather report to Anglican chant.....

    On another hand -
    Tallis' canon is special... very special... very sacred.

    On yet another hand -
    what sort of sense of humour does one suppose that Tallis had?
    (It is said, on his tomb stone I believe, that he was 'a quiet and modest sort'...
    or something like that. And, he is one of the people I want to meet in heaven.)
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 8,303
    God rest now our simulacrum
    Its nasty barking fray
    Has got our fingers in our ears;
    Sounds like a donkey's bray.
    At midnight we will tote it out
    And hide it in the hay.

    O trying my faith and charity (CHARITY!)
    Set the hay on fire then raise a toast to me.

    A speaker wire caught my foot
    You should have heard the sound
    When landing in the pipe facade
    There laying on the ground
    And in that moment lost my r'ligion
    cursing like a hound

    I am buying a case of Jackie D (Join with me)
    Cause the hays ablaze and theys got no more keys!

    We scored a beefy tracker from
    The Luth'rans cross the town.
    A sign was nailed upon the door
    "Hear Now! We're closing down.
    So take the pipes, the pews, yes sir,
    What e'r else you can scrounge."

    O pipings of comfort and joy! (Bombarde and Rohr)
    O syph'rings of comfort and joy!

    Tune: GOD REST YE MERRY
    Text: Francis Koerber inspired by MJO of Walsingham

  • JesJes
    Posts: 514
    Not exactly related but I misheard the lyrics of Here I am Lord and it went like this.

    I will hold your pimple in my heart
    Thanked by 1janetgorbitz
  • francisfrancis
    Posts: 8,303
    ...and our tears in a jar
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 10,108
    Here I am Lord, she's over there, Lord...
  • Caleferink
    Posts: 299
    Here I am, Lord; where are you, Lord?
    Thanked by 1CharlesW
  • pblosser.blogspot.com/search?q=parodies

    My contribution to the parody contingent.
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 7,907
    CGZ, would you please test that link to see if it works?
  • SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2006

    "Liturgical Song" Parodies: by Christopher J. Garton-Zavesky
    I'm not Afraid....

    You shall cross a barren desert,
    caused by jingles such as this.
    You shall wander far from safety,
    singing "I am on my way".
    you shall mangle words in "modern" tongues
    and none shall understand.
    You think you're replacing God. How sad!

    I'm not afraid: your time won't last for always.
    Come back to God,
    and He will give you rest.

    If you pass through raging tempers on the way,
    you shall not frown.
    If you walk away from ICEL's charms,
    You SHALL NOT BE HARMED.
    If you stand with God against the foe,
    and death must be your call,
    Know that He is with you,
    through it all.

    I'm not afraid: your time won't last for always.
    Come back to God,
    and He will give you rest.

    Blessed are the poor,
    for the Kingdom shall be theirs.
    Blessed are those who've wept and mourned,
    who've prayed "God's will be done."
    And if wicked men at ICEL hate you
    for your love of God,
    Blessed, blessed are you.

    Be not afraid: the end is close at hand.
    Come back to God,
    and He will give you rest.



    On Eagles' Wings ...

    Yoo hoo!, here in the shelter of the Lord,
    we abide in His shelter for life.
    Hear from the Lord, your refuge:
    "In sin you should not trust"!

    And He can raise you up on Eagles' wings,
    He can keep you safe from harm,
    make you soon shine like the Son,
    but only if you're in His Hand.

    The snare of the fowler can't catch a bird like you,
    and famine can't bring you to heel:
    if you know better than God,
    what need have you of shield?

    And He can raise you up on Eagles' wings,
    He can keep you safe from harm,
    make you soon shine like the Son,
    but only if you're in His Hand.

    You needle each and every little thing
    which you see and you think has gone out.
    Though thousands tried before you,
    they erred and so do you!

    And He can raise you up on Eagles' wings,
    He can keep you safe from harm,
    make you soon shine like the Son,
    but only if you're in His Hand.

    For to His angels (HIS angels don't you see?)
    He's given the charge to call home
    ungrateful souls,
    so they bear you up.
    Would you turn away their earnest plea?

    And He can raise you up on Eagles' wings,
    He can keep you safe from harm,
    make you soon shine like the Son,
    but only if you're in His Hand.



    Sing to the Mountains

    Sing to the Mountains, sing to the Sea
    This is Our new Liturgy!
    This is the day which We have made,
    Why doesn't earth rejoice?

    We will take thanks from you, My lord.
    We are so great and strong:
    We have saved your church from death,
    We are the church, hear Our SONG:

    Sing to the Mountains, sing to the Sea
    This is Our new Liturgy!
    This is the day which We have made,
    Why doesn't earth rejoice?

    Holy, Holy, Holy Cow!
    Heaven and earth are full of Our Glory!!!

    Sing to the Mountains, sing to the Sea
    This is Our new Liturgy!
    This is the day which We have made,
    Why doesn't earth rejoice?

    This is the day when the lord is made
    modern and hip, up to date.
    We have turned the church around:
    each person now their own pope !

    Sing to the Mountains, sing to the Sea
    This is Our new Liturgy!
    This is the day which We have made,
    Why doesn't earth rejoice?



    City of God

    Awake from your slumber,
    arise from your sleep:
    we're shearing the plumper
    of god's little sheep.
    From people in darkness
    we've hidden the "Light",
    the "Truth" which can guide them
    though dark is the night:

    Let us build the city of Us,
    so their fear be turned into prancing,
    for our lord, our hand in his glove,
    has freed the lambs, let them stray.

    We are children of morning,
    we are daughters, okay?
    The One who has loved us
    will do as we say.
    The lord of all blindness
    has called us to see
    new light in His People
    The Church newly Free.

    Let us build the city of Us,
    so their fear be turned into prancing,
    for our lord, our hand in his glove,
    has freed the lambs, let them stray.

    Got the lite? In Us there is no darkness.
    Let us walk in our light, the children of new birth...
    O comfort the people;
    make gentle god's words.
    Proclaim to our city
    the day of her birth.

    Let us build the city of Us,
    so their fear be turned into prancing,
    for our lord, our hand in his glove,
    has freed the lambs, let them stray.

    O City of Gladness,
    O Vatican Two,
    Proclaim our New Tidings,
    OUR Church is brand new!

    Let us build the CITY TO US,
    so that fear is turned away prancing,
    see: the lord, from heaven above,
    has given us newly a WAY.



    I have loved you with a narcissistic love

    I have loved you with a narcissistic love,
    I have seen you, and you are me.....
    I have loved you with such narcissistic love,
    We can worship, just you and me.

    Seek the place of the Lord since he's been moved
    if you find Him I'm not doing my job.

    I have loved you with a narcissistic love,
    I have seen you, and you are me.....
    I have loved you with such narcissistic love,
    We can worship, just you and me.

    Seek the place of the Lord if you're so bored!
    If you find Him I'll board up the door.

    I have loved you with a narcissistic love,
    I have seen you, and you are me.....
    I have loved you with such narcissistic love,
    We can worship, just you and me.

    Seek in place of the Lord the people here
    in the presence of "Voice of God" songs.

    I have loved you with a narcissistic love,
    I have seen you, and you are me.....
    I have loved you with such narcissistic love,
    We can worship, just you and me.

    [Christopher J. Garton-Zavesky, 2002-2003. Published by permission of author. Mr. Garton-Zavesky is a parish choir master and music teacher in Louisville, KY. Gratias tibi ago!]
  • Chonak,

    I gather the link doesn't work, so I've reposted the texts here.

    Please delete the post in which I placed the link.

    Back to the old-fashioned way of doing things, I guess....
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 7,907
    You can post a link here: just post the URL, and the forum software will make it a live link. There are some HTML tips at
    http://forum.musicasacra.com/forum/discussion/7299/html-shortcuts-for-beginners/p1
  • CHGiffenCHGiffen
    Posts: 4,156
    The biggest problem I've noted with links that don't work is that they are posted without the "http://" (or "https://") that must come first.
    Thanked by 1Adam Wood
  • ghmus7
    Posts: 1,142
    (Sing to the Bankers (Sing to the mountains

    Sing to the Bankers, sing to the Bank
    Sing your royalties, today
    This is the day that checks go through,
    Let all the money flow.

    Vs 1 I will rejoice, for you have sold,
    more that we could expect…
    You have ben our marketer,
    You are my coin and my Bill! (refrain)

    Vs 2 Pay us, Pay us
    Now we ask
    All we do, for you is sing,
    Our bank is full of your mon-ey! refrain

    Vs. 3 This is our joy, your, pay to us
    Let us fill our hands with cash
    We have charged you for our gifts,
    That is what we will ask!! Refrain
  • jefe
    Posts: 176
    I'm still fond of those little Moravian kids singing Gregor's antiphonal Christmas tune: "Ho-ho, Santa, blessed is he who comes" instead of, "Ho-o-sanna, blessed is he who comes."