I just feel kind of annoyed by the experience. I just don't understand why a church so apparently desperate for volunteers that they can't afford to pay me would alienate me in this way.

I understand. They are incompetent which is why they are desperate.

I'm considering leaving the parish (even though I just joined) for a job offered to me at a very prestigious church that pays $100 for mass.

Run, don't walk to the nearest exit and don't look back. Take the "prestigious" church. Your current place is a dead-end for your career.

Take the money and run.

And not just because of the money. They didn't want to pay you? That's fine. They are desperate for an organist? Okay, a little bit of a red flag. They want to have a resume or whatever before they hire you? Well, that's a bit weird considering the circumstances.

While all of these details are possibly troubling, they all could have a potential explanation or mitigating factor, or could be forgiven in the right context.

But then there is this...

"I have it, but I'm not going to give it to you."

This man is a sociopath. No non-crazy person would behave this way. Not only should not work there, you should go out of your way to never be in the same room as this guy.

Adam is right....sociopath is a nice word. I would call him a a..h....
Run and do not look back. Congratulations on meeting your first idiot in the world of church. Now run and never enter the place again.

People are not to be treated this way. Sadly it happens. All who on this forum have met this person at one time or another.

Good for you for asking advice. Good for us to mentor you. Wish I had this assistance when I was young.

Your MD has let you down by the sound of it.....I work with teens and young adults in various positions in my parish and I would never make them fend for themselves - especially in dealing with pastors, etc.

You are right Jani. As a teenager (no offence meant), you should never have been put in this position.

I’m absolutely stunned they put a teenager in this position...

As far as the DM goes, why on earth would he or she have thought one day was sufficient?

As far as the priest goes... It is a reminder that I need to pray for clergy.

If you show me your paperwork
Then i will show you mine.

Parish paperwork is agreement with all work particulars listed.

Buy yourself a dollar store notebook to log time in and time out
and how you spent the time. Is this a breadbox or a battleship?
How much time is required to produce results?
See AGO website.

It sounds like the pastor and music director don't trust each other. Why else would the pastor want to see your vitae as a volunteer instead of trusting the music director who hired you? The way it looks to me is the MD hired you (but as was mentioned, didn't tend to you personally, which is irresponsible I think), and then the pastor wanted to vet you instead. It's almost as if there is a power struggle going on here and you're just simply in the middle of it. I happens a lot between priests and middle managers, such as music directors and Catholic school principals. The middle manager tries to exercise what he or she sees as legitimate authority to resolve an issue, and then the pastor slaps them across the face by overriding their decisions at every turn. This may simply be one of those times. I second everybody else: get out of there, especially if you have another position you can take.

Moreover, quit via email or letter (not face-to-face) very succinctly and non-specifically matter-of-fact (as in, "Thank you for the opportunity, but I have decided to pursue other activities elsewhere.", signature, the end.) and vanish like a ghost because the only thing worse than a nutjob, is a nutjob who has added your name to his list.

Yes, yes, and more yes! Especially as a volunteer, you don't have to give them a reason to leave, but some sort of communication letting them know you're leaving would be polite. You could even use the exact words Scott gave you "Thank you for the opportunity, but I have decided to pursue other activities elsewhere," and be purposely vague. It's still possible that they might find out where you've gone afterwards, but by then it will be too late.

@matthewj, I have no idea. He told me he was fine with it as long as I talked to the music director, but then yesterday when I go to talk to the pastor again he tells me he's withholding the sheet music from me, et cetera.

Gleaned from both topic threads, this situo's a neutron bomb of drama, with which a young person trying to serve the faithful shouldn't have to contend. OJ, not a good way to start a possible career/life choice....move on.

Basic rule: where possible, choose to operate in organizations that foster trusting and trustworthy interaction rather than those that do not. This pastor and MD are putting you in difficult situations, and you haven't even played your first Mass there. And the pastor is being childish about things as well. There's a reason they are hurting for volunteers.

The older one gets, the more one realizes how vital this is.

Basic rule: where possible, choose to operate in organizations that foster trusting and trustworthy interaction rather than those that do not.

God knows, that rules out the Catholic church!

If you do end up leaving, be sure to thank the MD for the opportunity - but make abundantly clear to them why you are leaving. They may not know. Communication doesn't sound like a strong suit of this parish.

Well, I went back to the church to ask for the sheet music again after submitting my resume and references. The pastor lost his temper with me. He said he was 'up to here' and 'couldn't be running around doing all this music stuff' even though all I'm asking for is the sheet music for the mass that I was to play in four days. Then, he tells me to just go to the cathedral, which I play at, and ask them for the sheet music.

I decided just to listen to you guys, and I promptly submitted an email saying exactly "Thank you for the opportunity you all have given me to participate in this parish, but I have decided to pursue activities elsewhere."

I've worked for priests for twenty years. And honestly this one sounds like he's on the verge of a breakdown. I think it's a good thing that you moved on, Jack.

And I also think it wouldn't be a bad idea if everyone reading this prayed for that priest and all overworked priests. We often interact with them to discuss our list of priorities when they have a much longer list of parish needs. Unfairly, we can get the fallout from their stress.

Yes, it's rough being a church musician. But in our charity let's not forget how rough it is to be a parish priest. Should they have limited professional habits or "underdeveloped" people skills (hey, musicians don't always score high in those areas, either...) they are our brothers in Christ and not our enemies.

Just sayin'. One needs to insist on fair treatment by any employer as well as pray and support our priests. Both/and. As usual.

He said he was 'up to here' and 'couldn't be running around doing all this music stuff'

I've heard something similar before. I think that most priests, especially those who are not musically inclined nor trained nor wish to understand it, etc., view music and musicians as "hire and forget" types. They would rather just not deal with it at all. This to me would be a clear indication that, at least to this priest, music is simply not important to him, or at the very least it is at or near the bottom of his list of priorities, which is unfortunate because it causes him to treat you (and possibly the MD) in a way that reflects that position: by nature of what you do, you aren't important enough for him to spend his time on.

As MACW mentioned, many priests, especially Novus Ordo priests are overworked: there is, in fact, a shortage of them. The priest I formerly worked for was saying four Masses a weekend, serving as chaplain for the local police department, working on a city-wide "ecumenical" council of all the religious leaders in the community, serving on a bishop's committee (which necessitates long periods of travel through the diocese in order to go to meetings), handling parish finances (probably the single biggest headache for parish priests, although with the aid of a finance council composed of local area CPAs, which makes it a bit easier, but he is still ultimately responsible), and at the time, he was organizing a capital project to renovate existing parish space and convert it into a church because our existing church had become too small for the growing community. So, I was tossed around quite a bit by the guy, and I eventually did what you did, Jack, I resigned.

Overworked is an explanation, not an excuse for the behavior we see from some NO priests. I'm still confused as to why you had to ask the priest for the music, especially if he's saying he doesn't have time for "all this music stuff." You know, I heard the same line when I was a parish MD: "I don't have time to be dealing with music." The natural response is, "Then don't deal with it: that's what you hired me for." The issue there is one of trust, or as melo would have mentioned (and did on my particular threads asking for advice): there is a failure to communicate. I am also of the impression that many priests are not prepared to take on the task of being a parish Pastor when they are assigned to the post. This priest sounds like he definitely needs your prayers and ours, and also perhaps an extended vacation.

Being a priest is hard.

Handing someone a few pieces of paper WHICH YOU ADMIT THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY is not hard.

@melofluent:

"Which is more important - 'being' or 'becoming'?" -- Oswald Spengler

...'hire and forget' types...

You may be right, Clerget, unless......
they start doing chant, Palestrina and Howells, or even a small tad (not a large tad, just a small one) of Latin.

You'll excuse me, Mel. I'm going to go make myself a hemlock cocktail.

(A gin and tonic is much healthier!)

That's it. Definitive proof, MJO is certifiably Anglocentric.