O Gracious Dwelling
  • mrcoppermrcopper
    Posts: 653
    Thanks, Adam. Your original is fine for a middle verse, but to end a hymn with "source and store" didn't seem right. Yes, I know, sage of old, Mary mild. I'm trying, I'm trying.
    Thanked by 1Adam Wood
  • mrcoppermrcopper
    Posts: 653
    I'm liking "He showed himself as God to them [ or to us, or to folks, or something]" as the third (of 8) phrases ...
  • mrcoppermrcopper
    Posts: 653
    ... and as they knelt we kneel and pray ..
  • Adam WoodAdam Wood
    Posts: 6,482
    I'm trying, I'm trying.

    Yes! And I'm glad, too! Thanks.

    I'm not saying I don't like it, but I'm a bit skeptical of the return to narration....
  • mrcoppermrcopper
    Posts: 653
    Second verse, beginning:

    He showed himself as God to them, and they took word to all the lands,
  • mrcoppermrcopper
    Posts: 653
    Then something about how the time of infancy passes like a flash ... the other implication of Epiphany, that it happens in a moment. ein augenblick
  • melofluentmelofluent
    Posts: 4,160
    Oh Lord, we've taken a page from the Prot's playbook-
    "Death by committee." (or a thousand paper cuts!)
    Yeah, death by autocrats sucks equally, but honestly. just let Adam be Adam.
    Then sing it if you think it worthy.
    Thanked by 2CHGiffen Adam Wood
  • mrcoppermrcopper
    Posts: 653
    Adam, Meloflu, said: "let there be a thousand flowers, a thousand shoots". Get your rifle if you disagree.
  • mrcoppermrcopper
    Posts: 653
    Very demanding of me, i know, but can that last half verse be singable fortissimo, too?
  • mrcoppermrcopper
    Posts: 653
    Then come on bended knee to Him, and still your voice, and hear His call:
    Reveal your heart, your prayer to Him, as He revealed our God to all.

    Then let all come and bend the knee and still the voice and hear the call:
    Reveal the heart in prayer and see! As He revealed our God to all.
  • melofluentmelofluent
    Posts: 4,160
    Might as well say it in this thread, it's as good as any- Aren't we all just so clever here? Aren't we all so Irving Berlin, pun definitely intended?
    There's a difference between getting a gun with intent to kill, and watching something atrophy due to a thousand gardeners arguing rather than nourishing the bloom.
    .
  • mrcoppermrcopper
    Posts: 653
    Melofluent, I'm sorry if it bothers you. ANYTHING, nearly, can be made better. I enjoy the interaction here in trying to do so in a tiny garden of one single hymn. While the Eastman School of Music, my alma mater, is mostly independent of the University of Rochester, its parent, I still like the parent's motto: "Meliora".
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