We provide a list of songs to choose from, based on what is in the books and what can be done on short notice. That's at my parish. If I'm asked to play at another parish, I consult the respective music director if there is one to find out if they have a list, otherwise I just do as Irish says above me, play, take my check, and go home. Fees are usually worked out between the individual musicians and the families, whether it be for weddings, funerals, etc. I think that the scale Irish listed is reasonable, although in my area, you could probably get away with charging 200 for the organist fee. At my home parish, we always do cantor and organist for funerals. At another parish where I serve, it is up to the family, but a small choir can be provided for funerals upon request. I wouldn't say that is standard, though.

I maintain that asking family members to select hymns is bad. And not primarily because they pick out bad stuff. Because they shouldn't be put in the position of making decisions like that.

There should be a specific plan in place already. The family should be asked: do you have any specific requests? These should be accommodated as much as possible.

You may also ask, "Would you like to help select the music, or do you want us to just take care of it?" If they ask to help, they should be provided with options and guidance.

Families have enough to deal with. They shouldn't have to plan liturgy also.

Yes, Adam, I quite agree. Having the selections in place and seeing if they have any objections or special requests often saves them the trouble of thinking about something that they've no idea where to start from in some cases.

My favorite job I've had over the past few years was a parish that had a form for them to fill out that had no "music requests" section, but rather an "additional requests" section that had (music, vestments, luncheon) written next to it. Usually they'd make lunch requests and leave music entirely to me. I never saw anyone use it to request violet/black/white vestments.

That's a really good idea. If you aren't going to like people's music choice, don't directly ask. Let them say something if they feel strongly, but don't make them fill it in if they don't want.

Great thoughts on choosing music.

As for $, in our area the fee is taken by the funeral home and a cheque is made out to the organist/cantor. If I sub at another church, I make my fee known to the secretary, she informs the funeral home and everytime I play through that funeral home, they take care of the cheque. It is a great set up and I've always been paid.

I give everyone a pre-filled music list with well-known but appropriate hymns. There is a footnote that if they want to look at alternatives to the hymns in the "gray boxes" (entrance, offertory, communion), they can choose from the list on the attached page (which contains more suggestions from the Vatican II Hymnal). Most people do want to at least look through other options; generally this is done right in my office rather than having them take it home. Same thing with readings.

If the usual suspects are requested, we sing them as prelude. If someone is really insistent on something during the liturgy, we sometimes sing it at the end after the In paradisum. In the rare case that someone is upset about not being able to have Eagle's Wings or something during the Mass rather than before or after, I explain that we believe it's very important for everyone to have at least the text of the songs in front of them during the Mass, and unfortunately the songs they have requested are under copyright and we need special permission (our parish does not subscribe to an umbrella reprint license). Generally people are content with that, and agree that it's important to have the text in front of everyone. Nobody has ever asked, "How do we get that permission?" but if they did, I would tell them, and then request permission from the priest to print their song. Of course the publishers make it simple to request permission for such things on short notice.

Occasionally someone will request "We Walk By Faith," in which case I will print the text (which is not under copyright) and sing the Haugen melody. Amazing Grace is often requested and always happily permitted.

At all costs, I avoid descending into arguments about style and appropriateness. I used to do that a lot, and it caused a lot of unnecessary hurt.

Regarding payment, we give them an option to put it on the funeral home tab, or to do it themselves: "Would you like payment for the musicians to go through the funeral home, or would you like to take care of it yourself?". I have to do this because occasionally they have already been billed by the funeral home before they get to me. People know well by the time they get to you that funeral services ("services" in the business sense) cost money, usually funeral homes give them an estimate of musician fees. Our local funeral homes know our rates, so by the time I talk to the family they already know what to expect.

Last year, a lady came to us distraught over her son who had committed suicide. She was in a rather dire financial state, so I asked that no mention of money be made to her. The cantor and I showed up, did what I thought was a good funeral service, and we didn't ask for fees. That is the first time in 10 years that has happened.

I've only once had a Funeral where the family said they couldn't afford the music/church fee. Then at the luncheon someone apparently went around collecting for the cantor and I and we both made more than our regular stipends.

Adam--same here. If the family cannot pay the musician, I always get a check from the parish. And, like you, I didn't ask for it, but it was on the organ when I arrived.

I've had these experiences with funerals: 1. helping to plan my dad's and 2. dealing with funerals in my parish.

My dad lived in a big parish. The funeral home had a representative from the parish at the planning meeting (I think she was a nun, but who knows?) and she had everything for the Mass right there in a binder. We selected the readings (and readers) and the music, as well as the style of music, i.e. keyboard/guitar combo, piano, organ. The fee was also set right then and paid to the funeral home who pays the Church. Incidentally, they also work with all the florists so we chose the flower arrangements at the same time and that went into the bill as well.

Here in my small parish there has never been a plan in place to deal with our (fortunately, very infrequent) funerals. I've often thought about getting something going with the local funeral homes so there is some consistency. As it is now, sometimes the family of the deceased will just approach a member of the parish and request that they do something, like play their crappy guitar for the service, or to let the parish women know that the family will be holding the luncheon at their home. Sometimes there is no one available to lead the rosary at the vigil because maybe there is no resident priest or whatever. It's kind of crazy, really. As for a fee - obviously we have no standard in place and no one has ever offered to pay anything.

I've shown up at two funerals just to attend them, and ended up singing the Mass unaccompanied because there was no one else to do it.

Kathy - when left to my druthers, the one hymn I will always sing for funerals is I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say.

http://forum.musicasacra.com/forum/discussion/8822/funeral-music-selection

There are only one or two lists posted, but just in case it helps...