Nobody else in the history of ecclesiastical music has ever had this happen. No other music director has ever felt this way. You're all alone.

Oh, wait, no you're not.

We deal with humans. They have good days and bad days. Go get a glass of wine (or something much better) and then get back to work Tuesday.

Were the no-show kids absent because of the holiday weekend? Find out. If a lot of families go away on occasions like this, the kids have no control over the matter, and you may have to work that into your schedule for the kids' choir (i.e., don't plan that the group can sing on the weekends of civil holidays).

My heart goes out to you, musicteacher, and I can feel your pain because today was the last Sunday for two families in our Latin Mass community who are moving to other states so we're feeling a little low today as well. : (

Sounds like you have a fantastic program. All I can say is hang in there and don't give up no matter what you do. It's been my experience in life that just when you get most discouraged and want to give up, things usually somehow turn around and get better.

See the responses of melofluent and CharlesW on "Are we an elite?" They afforded me much consolation, FWIW.

Rob--thank you very much for guiding me to that thread. I suppose ego does figure into my equation with my group of singers, which is a difficult pill to swallow and a true confession of mind and soul. Since my hire, I've always felt that I was called to lead this ministry, yet sometimes feel resentful that I haven't been given the tools with which to lead (a decent group of dedicated singers, for one). Add to that a congregation of people who feel a complete ownership in all things parish related, including music in the liturgy, and it exacerbates the situation. The main problem I am having is working with a group of very loving and decent people who have a strong faith. They just do not "get" that being in ministry brings with it a sense of responsibility towards the people. Their lackadaisical attitudes towards ministry is where the problem lies. I am not complaining about not being able to do beautiful, sacred music, both hymns and motets. I am only asking for a group of singers who feel a sense of commitment towards ministry, rather than singing because "it's a fun thing to do". While there should always be a element of fun in the choir, I just cannot accept the mentality that that is the main reason for participation. There are some masses where the music is absolutely gorgeous (Confirmation this year was one of those masses, as were the Christmas and Easter liturgies). But, on the whole, the lack of true commitment, dedication and desire to truly serve is what has led me to feel this way. I just don't understand people coming to rehearsals and then not showing up for masses, or vice a versa. I feel that if there are 3 singers who can all sing, are dedicated and have a sense of true ministry, it is easier to direct and serve them and the people, then to have 12 singers who come and go as they please.

I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to work through me. Perhaps my fault at this point is in not fully trusting and allowing my frustration and anger to get in the way. I truly don't know, but appreciate all the comments.

I would love to know what kind of music you do with your kids...

Pristboi--the children's choir, when everybody is together, maintains a good repertoire of sacred music, including several chants (Ave Maria, Ecce Panis, Panis Angelicus, Salve Regina, et. al.) They know many hymns, also, and, at this point can sing in two-part harmony. But, again, the problem lies in not always having a full choir. The potential for a good, solid schola is actually there, if everybody would show up. What is interesting, is that parents have been sending e-mails with a lot of beautiful compliments on the job I'm doing with the kids, but still haven't "got" the fact that "practice makes perfect".

Another frustrating element is in having choir members listen to proper Latin pronunciation. I've even presented to them IPA Latin guidelines, but nobody pays any attention to it, despite constant corrections. For every Latin chant, I give out a phonetic pronunciation guide, but to no avail. Also, after several months of trying to explain Latin accent marks in the lyrics, my singers still haven't gotten a grip on it and make the same phonetic mistakes over and over.

You have a point, Adam, however, I feel that every Catholic choir should be able to sing simple chants, i.e, Ave Maria, without a lot of problems. It just takes practice and a willingness to learn.

Have you met with choir members one-on-one to understand their understanding and desires (*not* to propose your understanding and desires; I am talking genuine curiosity using non-rhetorical questions beginning with the word "what" rather than "why" and "how"). Because confess you don't understand your choir, and your first step is hitting your internal reset button (erase all that residue of frustration and resentment - resentment never comes from God, btw) and trying to understand who they are and what their sense of things is. (Or, you've done this and you simply are incompatible with them, in which case the only thing you can change is you, not them.) People are not ideas, and they take time to reveal themselves, and often will only do so when they feel someone is genuinely interested.

Liam--it's not really a feeling of resentment, as much as not understanding why people are the way people are if they want to be in ministry. My daughter reminded me today that people have different definitions of true ministry, and perhaps this particular group of people don't sing for ministry's sake as much as to satisfy their own thirsty desires to sing. If that's the case, then the "come and go as you please" mentality suits them, as they only come when their thirst needs to be satisfied.

As far as compatibility is concerned, these are the same people I've worked with for over 10 years as pianist under another director. We've shared a lot and I always thought I was a member of the team, but when the promotion came, followed quickly by a new pastor with very strong views on sacred music, things began to get difficult.

No doubt CYA is the way to go and I can honestly say that the masses have not suffered. As my daughter said, yesterday's masses were not bad, just simply understated. It's just so disappointing as director to put in time and energy to rehearse and then have such a poor turnout, or have people not remember anything from one day to the next.

I realize, of course, that I am not directing a professional choir, but rather a group of volunteers, but at the same time, I truly feel a sense of commitment should be there.

I'm also wondering how many of you have to send out weekly reminder e-mails about rehearsals. Last week one of my singers was absent from rehearsal but showed up Sunday. When I questioned him why he wasn't at rehearsal he answered, "I didn't know we had rehearsal this week. You didn't send out an e-mail". Mind you, rehearsal time and place hasn't changed in the past 2.5 years.

I understand this kind of frustration only too well.

I do think the holiday weekend made for low attendance in many places. I had a thing with shockingly low attendance yesterday--it was totally deflating. Although I am sorry that this happened to you, if you don't mind my saying so it helps to know I wasn't the only one. I'm grateful that you mentioned this.

Regarding pencils: I always bought cheap ones in bulk and let them lose them. Not worth your time or effort to worry about pencils.

Regarding the bigger problem: I wonder if the parents are 100% on board with the direction you're taking musically with the choir. If not, they might be talking smack to one another, and the kids might be picking up on that. Sometimes kids' choirs' attitudes are about that sort of thing. It seems possible that there needs to be some Music Director-to-Parents schmoozing going on. But who knows--it was a holiday weekend.

Regarding your other big problem: some choirs have been really, really amateur for a long time, and don't know how to rise to anything different. That could be happening here. But groups are funny. One thing that I've seen happen is a choir that holds back on a new director until they really believe you are planning to stay long-term. That is so much easier than investing in change. Speaking of which, has your choir gone through a lot of changes lately? I.e., director changes, hymnal changes, location changes (front to loft or vice versa), repertoire changes? Groups are really funny and conservative, more like systems than people. I know that sounds strange, but groups balk at change.

My church is actually in a major city, although the mentality is very small town. The children's choir parents seem to be onboard with me and have enjoyed their children's accomplishments. They just don't commit on a regular basis. I am the former music teacher of the school, so the parents know me well (10 years of service to the school). And, yes, we have had several changes, including the hymnal the past year or so. We went from total OCP Breaking Bread to St. Michael's, with no supplement. That was the pastor's call. But, the music doesn't seem to be the problem any more. Where there was once a lot of complaints, that has calmed down quite a bit.

Reading all your comments is helping and I appreciate it very much. As much as I hate to admit it, misery does like company, and where better to vent than on a forum with a lot of like-minded, temperamental musicians? Keep the comments coming. God bless and thanks again.

I must sound like broken record but when I introduce a new piece of music to the choirs( English , Spanish and Children's choir), I try to give a mini lesson on the hymn. Many have never participated in a choir because they have been rejected by parishes insisting on Professional singers.... some have been part of professional choirs, but all seem to feel like family and I have seen the change as well as have heard it from their own lips and tears how moved they are by the music. I have them record the music on their cell phones or Ipads and they feel so much more confident. What about trying something new with the hymns they are familiar with? Perhaps singing a traditional tune with a more Gospel feel? (IE. Taste and See..) or asking the Pastor to Commission the Choir at a mass before the Congregation, giving them a greater sense of responsibility.It can be so frustrating when I'm playing , conducting and singing and have to CONSTANTLY tell people to get back to their place.. and these are the adults! one person was notorious for sitting down after every hymn and mass part, complaining of her leg ( it never keeps her from talking): I got her a stool and it is placed right in front of the microphone. ...she still sits every now and then , but it did help. I even give them the option to select favorite some hymns , emphasizing we will not sing if all voices are not present... as to a parish's sense of owner ship. well . don't let me start. parents tried to strong arm me on the music for First Ccommunion saying the music was too difficult for the kids...oddly enough , the only ones who could not follow were the parents! God Bless you and your Ministry.. you are by no means alone. Sorry for the run on sentences but I 'm off to choral practice,!

It takes time to teach and form new habits in a choir. It takes more time than all of us would like, because we are usually thinking ahead of the choir. it is a challenge to be patient and charitable while still having musical standards. One of the hardest jobs, actually!

Don't be despondent. Keep up the good work.