Decide where you might like to go to school, and start looking for music jobs listed in the area. Talk to department heads and teachers at that school, since they are often good sources for job leads. AGO chapters can be helpful, too. Sad to say, you may be happier avoiding the Catholic Church unless you are lucky enough to find a parish that is serious about good sacred music.

Former directors. That's a difficult one. I am of the opinion that when a director retires, he or she should leave immediately. If not voluntarily, then a good application of tar and feathers would be appropriate. I have seen too many problems in too many churches created by "retired" musicians who stay and meddle.

Get a job at a protestant church where you will be respected, earn a decent salary,

I second Kathy's advice! Being that your already looking to possibly do other things such as working in retail to avoid the headaches, why not take the chance of standing your ground in a very polite and professional manner. The former director has nothing to say about your program. You were brought in for a reason, it was obvious that a change of direction was needed, and the pastor saw that when you were hired. He is only cowarding down to the loud mouths. Try to get others to support you in a very professional manner, and let them see the progress of your works. If it fails, you at least saw the writing on the wall from a distance, and have hopefully taken preparations for that.

Quit and work at a protestant church.

Thanks, all!

A few clarifications:

@ all: Besides just complaining, which does seem fair (I know there are two sides to every story, but honestly, my job was night and day from when the parish council was positive towards my work to cool towards it - I could name a date) I am wondering:

1.) Are there Catholic churches out there that WANT and REQUIRE someone with the knowledge and offerings I bring to the table?
2.) Is there a good college/university that offers an advanced degree in music with an emphasis on the sacred? I can read chant, but I can't really explain it. Music in a vacuum seems silly and meaningless to me, and yet, in most "mainstream" Catholic churches, the status-quo is unacceptable to me. If there's not a way to learn more about sacred music as it fits in the confines of the Mass, Vespers, Benediction, etc... and there's not a place to enact that knowledge, I really don't know why I would stay in the field, despite not having a clue what else I would do with my life.

I know this board likes to keep things light and jovial, but my friends, I'm really having a hard time, spiritually, professionally, and just as a man. I feel beaten down by the power of the populace and by the meddling of a person who doesn't even know how little she knows. I REALLY appreciate your time and your thoughts. Let us pray for one another!

@Ruth: I do have a children's choir. On my review in December it mentioned, as one of the strikes against me, that I programmed 'Christus Vincit' for the Solemnity of Christ the King without asking the associate pastor's permission. That is the only Latin I've done in a year and a half, and it was sung during Communion-time. I even dropped the idea of singing the Greek/Latin ICEL chant Mass during Advent and Lent because it seemed wrong to me to pull out Latin chant only during the season of penance.

@Kathy: The pastor told me, upon my last request to meet with him, that I was to answer to the associate and that "there is NO way (he'd) let me run the program on my own" as he said explicitly that he doesn't trust me. This is night and day from the tone prior to the summer parish council meeting in question and from a lunch my wife and I had with him when he told us of his interest in hiring me. I stayed this year because my family needed my paycheck, which isn't all that much anyway and because I didn't want to earn a reputation as one who would run from a work agreement, signed a few months before everything changed.

The question isn’t so much whether or not to leave, but what to do and where to go.

The pastor told me, upon my last request to meet with him, that I was to answer to the associate and that "there is NO way (he'd) let me run the program on my own" as he said explicitly that he doesn't trust me.

I would not work at any job under those circumstances. Ditto what CharlesW said.

Have you looked into the Sacred Music program at Catholic University in DC?

Oh, and obviously quit. Although---and this is really sneaky. But, if you're a gambling man, here's an idea. It is really unlikely that they would be able to make it through Lent and Holy Week without you, so it is POSSible that you would not get fired for this right away, which would buy you time to sort out your plans. But it might get you fired. And I wouldn't suggest this if they hadn't shown bloody awful bad faith. But. Why not just do things your way, reasonably, not rocking the boat but without really cooperating with the whole babysitting setup either. Not even pushing back, but just do things normally. So this woman sends you emails. There's a spam filter for that. Just do a good job, show up on Sundays and rehearsal times and do your thing. Smile and nod, smile and nod. For some reason I would find that tons more bearable than the weirdness they're inflicting on you now.

SouthernSam,

" I feel beaten down by the power of the populace and by the meddling of a person who doesn't even know how little she knows. I REALLY appreciate your time and your thoughts. Let us pray for one another! "

My life experiences have taught me that the LESS a person knows about a certain field, the more certain that (s)he is that (s)he know EVERYTHING about that field.

My heart aches for you. Be assured that you are in my prayers.

Deo gratias!

For the sake of anyone considering the sacred music program at Catholic University, I would like to share this experience I had: 2 years ago I auditioned for their doctorate in Sacred Music and was accepted with a very generous scholarship. Unfortunately, on audition day, I was told that no one had yet graduated from the 'new and improved' program in 10 years. There were 2 students in the program that I met, very talented men, who had been in the program for 10 and 6 years. One said "If I had known it would have taken 10 years, I wouldn't have come. They will find a way to keep you here indefinitely." Dr. Nestor even said "don't come here with the expectation that you'll just do the work, play the recitals, and graduate in 2 or 3 years..." A masters student I met was going on his 4th year in the program and seemed very bitter about it. They seemed afraid to say this in front of Dr. Nestor, and waited until he was not in the room. Dr. Nestor may have started the program, but it seems that he is ruining it as well by holding the students hostage. I wrote to the dean of the music school explaining my concerns about this, and his reply stated that "we are not concerned with when students graduate, just that they get a good education." I think it is reasonable to expect to graduate, don't you? Naturally, I promptly rejected the offer.

SouthernSam - you need to decide if this is really, truly your calling in life (in other words, if it is time to put all your eggs in this basket). If it is your calling, you have to be willing to move ANYWHERE that you can find a good pastor. YES - there are truly strong and good pastors who want good musicians, and will not give in to the whims of the crowds. There have been a lot of jobs advertised on this forum that are quite good, in terms of vision and support from the pastor. Start looking for jobs today, and applying for them. It sounds to me that there is a general passive-aggressive plan in the parish leadership to get rid of you - if only for that reason, start looking.

This may be sneaky, but I would advise not telling anyone you are looking - continue to maintain the facade of your current job, with smiles, etc. I have seen people in church positions do the honorable thing (give fair warning that they are looking, rather than just two weeks notice) and get sacked on the spot - at which point they had no window of time to look around. Yes, they had families to support. Sad but true. If nothing else, maintaining a smiling facade drives the passive-aggressive crowd nuts. They will lose sleep at night wondering why they are not getting a rise out of you, in spite of all their efforts to treat you poorly. Then one day (soon, hopefully) you can have the satisfaction of surprising everyone with news of your departure in two weeks. At which point they will pretend to be sad...

As far as grad school, I think there are two main options:
1 - find a destination school and look for some subsistence in the area. I would recommend Notre Dame, which has a choral/vocal or organ track, and is completely free if you are accepted. Other options, such as state schools, will be extremely expensive out of state, especially if you have three kids already.
2 - find a job you can love, and go to the nearest, cheapest school that grants masters degrees in music. If it is not a Catholic school, who cares? Take care of your own education in liturgy and music, through the documents, the forums, the colloquium, etc. If you have moved to a good pastor, he may even pay to send you to such continuing education. For your money, there are many ways to dramatically increase your education without going to a specifically musical school. Find a successful program, and ask the director if you can shadow him/her for a couple of weeks. I just had a friend live in Salt Lake City for a number of weeks, taking detailed notes on the inner workings of the choir school. There are all kinds of options for mentoring and networking, without mortgaging the rest of your life for an expensive school.

The petty struggles and polititcs of this job don't get any easier with grad degrees. However, with the current crop of young priests and new bishops, there is a good chance that you will be able to find a fulfilling position eventually. Getting at least a masters degree in the process makes it more likely that you will be able to support a family down the road, and work your way into larger and larger positions as you build experience. But that is a long, hard road (especially when you already have kids) - you have to decide, pray, reflect if this is really what you want/are called to do in your life.

Charles, I have to strenuously disagree with the premise of your mirthful suggestion. The Mass, in any case, is not a venue to be trifled with. I know it was offered with sympathy, but I couldn't let it pass without mention that, again, the Mass isn't about..."us."

Yes, Charles, but there are preludes and postludes. Go out with blazing tremolos and fiery trumpets.

Exactly! Give them all the music they didn't want to hear and make it memorable.

To all who wondered:
I stay at this current job because my position is half-time with the connecting K-8 school. I enjoy the school end of it, in so far as it hasn't been colored by the parish (though some of it has); it's just the 3 days a week that I have to work in the parish that's been so difficult. I've had success in the school and with the various classes, soloists and choirs that have come from there.

@CharlesW: I like your comment about former directors leaving. The funny thing, this woman wasn't the former director. She was a fill-in and had played the piano for several years under the former director. The former director died in November; the woman-in-question served as interim director until I could begin my position in August. She is the same woman who wrote me a nasty email my first Saturday at the parish, accusing me of moving the drummer's drums from the back room, (since they were no longer there) and that the move was "a slap in the face" and that "I have lost the greatest support I could have ever had." The problem? The drummer moved those drums back to his house when his son moved out for college. I had to frantically call around that morning, looking for the name of the drummer so that I could get her off my back. That was my 6th day on the job. Every week since there is at least one or two emails of similar absurdity.

@all: Thank you! I really am thankful for you all. My wife and I are going to start a novena tonight for the purpose of discernment as to where we should go and what we should do. Has anyone ever taken a year break from this church work to "recapture that "loving feeling""?

Director - mother on parish council - pastor.

When Sheep Attack.

Dennis Maynard has a new edition coming out that includes section on musicians.

@chonak: Yes I am! I have a file especially devoted to her... :) It won't do me a lot of good with the powers that be (since they seem to be fine with all of it) but it does give me the ability to look myself in the mirror, smile a little bit, and kiss my wife when I get home and still have some self-assuredness of my own value and worth in God's eyes.