Mr. Raflik,
Perhaps you could provide some "curriculum vitae" of your musical/compositional education, the intent of the Mass setting (choral performance at service or concert, with congregation or not, publication?, etc.), and other pertinent information. Glancing through the movements, there are a number of issues besides textual, that present themselves rather obviously. Knowing some background would better help some of us to steer you to sources of critical analysis that would help you avoid some basic pitfalls. Congratulations on your first project in any case.

To answer you other question I would like to use it for service music not concert.

Who would you recommend?

If anyone on here is willing to break down my Gloria and help me see what is lacking and where that would be great. You can do it in private or on the forum so we could all use it as a learning tool.

I don't know if one can really say there are too many composers and too many new compositions. I listen to what was put out there from the major 3 publishers and it is all garbage in my so humbled opinion. Most of the composers out there knew the ICEL changes were coming at least a year prior to Advent 2011 and all they could come up with was revisions to their already established garbage (again my humble opinion). They took something bad and made it worse.

I don't know what to say except for I woke up with the melody in my head singing the Gloria. Does that mean I should ignore it or at least write it down and see what you think of it. If it doesn't fly at all, all I've gained is experience and maybe wasted a little of your time.

I do agree that there are some fine works out there.

Chiming in again, Don, just to edify my colleagues' POV's. Noel's, I think, illustrates the issue of introspection an artist must exercise before beginning the craft process. Specifically, we've been afforded two major events in our boomer generation to contribute to the "sacred treasury," specifically as regards Mass Ordinary Settings. I don't agree with all of Noel's assessments pertaining to success or failure, but that's to be expected. However, the larger point is whether the composer is sufficiently prepared to answer to their own ego if their muse, the hook, the motifs in the melody looping in their head, are worthy enough to dwell among all that has come before? We have a lot of amazingly talented writers here as was said, but I'd bet in a heartbeat that most of us would have pretty strong opinions (and we know what they're like and worth) as to whether the famed Mass of the Bells, the Community Mass, the Mass of Creation, the Mass of Light, or the Celtic Mass and all such from that generation actually met the criteria the Church established, most notably for me, the artistic/aesthetic component. What used to be known as the Liturgical/Artistic/Pastoral judgments weren't really all that helpful, and actually among differing camps of musicians we still don't concur on what criteria is needed. We at CMAA agree upon "universal, sacred and beautiful."
So, I would echo my friends' advice to continue to formally learn how to transfer your concepts into instantly recognizable musical formats (aka "Theory courses, comp courses, music appreciation courses, the whole schmeer) and then write, write, write as Adam says. But, think not an instant of whose interests your work will appeal to or satisfy. Treat your work as any truly good homilist aims his prose toward an audience of one, the man in the mirror. And concurrently, be very well aware of what other settings of the Mass ordinary under the revised third edition of the Missal are clearly rising to the top, ie. JMO/CCW's Ralph Sherwin, the Jacob Bancks Mass, the Christopher Mueller MR3 Mass and so forth. And of course, you must know the Gregorian Masses, otherwise how can you compare and contrast your muse to those which have survived centuries and were sung by now sainted souls?
Find a mentor. I'm lucky. My mentor happened to come into the CMAA sphere some twenty odd years after I took courses with him. God is great, all the time.
Blessings to you.

Donr:

I'm going to try to look at your composition in just a minute, but I have a proper thought for you, courtesy of His Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI: All proper Christology begins on the knees. It doesn't begin with great works of literature or ....etc., but on the knees.

If I were in your shoes (which I'm not, exactly, because I'm not a beginner any more) I would learn from the treasury of existing music what makes music fitting for Mass.

Cheers,
Chris