Claire, while I never want to say "never, I think we as a group have to come to terms with the fact that there are a LOT of people out there who will never 'get' what we are trying to do. The externals are too much for them.

As an example, in the 2008 Colloquium at Loyola, my Mom, aunt, and cousin came to attend the Ordinary Form Requiem Mass, which was celebrated in Latin ad orientem. At lunch afterward, they said that they thought that "the music was fantastic, but..." and I'm sure most of you can fill in what came next:

1. the priest had his back to us
2. I don't understand Latin

How do you explain all the documents, constitutions, encyclicals, etc., in 15 minutes? And, worse, do that without seeming condescending or getting into an argument (with your own family, to boot)? In the end, I didn't try - I just left the experience to speak for itself, which as you say, is "alive, noble, powerful, and transforming. Something not of this world."

That's not to say that we shouldn't try, but I think in most cases people aren't interested in being informed - they want to vent and complain, not learn. Over many years, my opinion has come around to "do what we do as well as possible, and let the chips fall where they may".

There are some things that can be done to make things as user-friendly as possible.

-What Adam said. Beauty does not equal slow.
-Don't let anything go overlong. If your favorite verse of the Psalm is #23, and the Communion procession is over at verse #18, and you still have a motet to sing, wrap up the Psalm. Do unto others--and most people would not have unnecessary delays done unto them. That "funeral feeling" kicks in most strongly when things go long for no reason.

I don't know if you can change her mind. The only way to make that happen is to present her with an opposing viewpoint that she can take seriously. Have there been pulpit or bulletin catecheses on the changes?

Gavin

I hope your tongue was planted firmly in cheek. The emotions of the ministers are the least important emotions in the room, as it were; ministers are fiduciaries, so their subjective feelings are perforce put to the side in carrying out their duties.

I would ask for more detail, with genuine (as opposed to feigned or merely official) curiosity (people can tell the difference quickly, and modulate their responses accordingly). You've been given a gift to learn. Use it. Does it mean it necessarily changes your program? Not necessarily. But you might just be surprised, if you show true curiosity.

Well said JQ —"that was laid on with a trowel."

About 10 years ago, long before the chant revival, I gave a talk on chant to a group of about 15 parishioners - I had recordings, extended commentary, history, and every jazzy thing I could think. I was really pumped at the end of my talk. Then the very first comment came from an older woman there. She said exactly the following: "Well, I hate chant. I hated when I was growing up and I still hate it now."

That was it! that was the whole comment! I was stunned, and it pretty much wiped out everything that I had said.

If ad orientam = turning your back to the people, then ad populo = turning your back to Whom?

Really?

Yeah, I know- we've all read the oh-so-cute story about the little boy asking why the priest turned his back on the crucifix.
But really?

There are a lot of decent arguments in favor of ad orientem, but I'm pretty sure, "God is over there, but not over there," isn't gonna fly.

I've seen at least one circular worship space. What happens there?
Yes, I realize my argument is a reductio ad absurdam. But isn't "He's not looking at us; we're being ignored" just as absurd as "God is over there, not here?" I don't go to Mass to feel that important, and God is not so scary that I'll freak out if the priest isn't always looking at me.

This article from Chow.com might have some relevance here - I figure that reform of any kind is reform!

Reform School for Tightwad Tippers
Published on Tuesday, May 31, 2011, by Helena Echlin

Dear Helena,
I tip about 20 percent on meals, including alcohol and taxes. One of my closest friends (and frequent restaurant companion) typically tips about half the amount I do, and doesn't believe in tipping on alcohol or tax. I think he is cheap and uninformed but otherwise a great guy. What would you recommend?
—Respect Your Server

Dear Respect Your Server,
You're in the right: The diner should tip somewhere between 15 and 20 percent of the final total, including alcohol and tax. This is widely accepted, which is why the rumor that Oprah advises tipping 10 percent caused massive outrage.

But I doubt you'll have any luck persuading your friend to change his ways, any more than you can argue your uncle out of his political opinions at Thanksgiving dinner. Like someone's politics, his or her tipping philosophy is often more emotional than logical. It was probably ingrained in childhood. That's why people who grew up in countries that tip 10 percent have a hard time changing their ways. For instance, Stefan Smith, a sound designer who grew up in London and now lives in Oakland, California, still tips UK-style when dining alone. (It's another story when he's with his American wife, as you'll see below.)

Anyway, here's what will happen if you try to convince your friend by dint of rational argument and hard evidence: He'll just disagree with or dismiss whatever you say. For instance, if, next time the two of you have dinner, you ask the server how much people generally tip and he confirms that it's 15 to 20 percent, your friend will probably retort: "Of course the server is going to say that—he wants to make money."

I did my best to persuade Smith to up his tip, but for each of my arguments, he had a counterargument. The conversation just went ’round and ’round in circles. It wasn't very likely that I would succeed where his wife had already failed. As an American, she tips 15 to 20 percent. She has managed to convince Smith to tip 15 percent when they are dining together, in order to save her embarrassment. But she hasn't changed his fundamental tipping philosophy, and next time he has a burrito alone, he'll leave 10 percent.

So can anything be done to reform your friend? Steve J. Martin, coauthor of the book Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive (its U.S. title), says: "In order to change people's behaviors, we should not even think about changing their minds, but just change subtle cues or features in their environment." In the past I've mentioned how gestures from servers like touching the customer can up the tip. Martin says a strategically delivered mint can have the same effect: "Studies show that when food servers leave a small gift like a chocolate and place it down at the same time as the bill, there is about a 3 percent increase in tips. But if they personalize that gift by saying, 'This is especially for you,' or if they leave one mint and come back and say, 'Actually, here's another mint for you,' tips rise by 12 percent." Another way to increase the tip is to "repeat back word by word exactly what the diner ordered," says Martin. For example: "So you would like the Caesar salad with grilled chicken, and a refill on the bread." If you've spent any time talking to highly trained customer support people on the phone, you've probably noticed that they, too, use this technique.

Unfortunately, only the restaurant staff can change these subtle cues. So you'll just have to accept this flaw in your friend, the same way you would accept it if he was chronically late.

But though you can't change your friend, you can change your own behavior. If he's paying, sneak back and slip the server a few extra bucks. And if you're splitting the check, just leave a really, really generous tip to make up for his piddling one.

Also-
(And I have to say, I know this is contradictory to what I said earlier, but real life is full of compromises, contradiction, and paradox).

Part of the point of my funny "Compliments and Complaints" post was:
People in the Pews, and the things they say, are a really bad indicator of the success or failure of a music program.


We worked our butts off on Palestrina for Holy Week and just did the Tallis "IF Ye Love Me" last weekend. Very little feedback. I do SLJs and David Haas music, and get asked (in direct response to that) why we don't do any folk music at Mass. I did an Early American Spiritual one Sunday, which prompted a life-long Episcopalian to complain to the rector that my programming was "too Catholic." And the most frequent compliment I get (by far) is "You guys sound so loud!"


I hate being all elitist and paternalistic, but:
People do not know what is good for them. They barely know what they like.

Do what you think is right, based on your understanding of liturgy, church law and custom, and directives given to you your parish leadership.

What to do or say when told "it is pastorally wrong because the 'people' become too passive" when referring to the use of chant. Let me point out that this comment is directed specifically at the idea that there will be times when the "people" are expected to listen and not sing.

Adam "I was pointing out that progressives are going to label you as some kind of idol-worshiper if you talk as if God is over there and not over there."

Well why genuflect to the Blessed Sacrament? Someone told me that the Blessed Sacrament is "specifically" the Second Person of the Trinity. The other thing I think about during Mass when the priest faces East is the idea of the church as a boat. With the older architecture a church resembles a boat (you can see this especially if the building is flipped upside down). Anyway the point is that the priest is in the prow as the leader, the Alter Christus and we are all facing the same way toward our goal, toward heaven. It is symbolism.

Adam "You can't win hearts and minds by telling people how wrong they are." Very good point!