The aborted cantor
  • Now that I have your attention, lol…

    I quit my gig at St. James AC effective on Epiphany, and I was to start as cantor at my small rural parish. The priest was (and is) very supportive of Reform of the Reform musically. It’s not a fight he feels he can win at his home parish, with an entrenched music program focused on the work of David Haas, but he had just been given a second church which has had very little music (just an organist, no sung psalm or Gloria). And he was open to me actually getting paid for this, though that hadn’t been worked out as he hadn’t met with the finance committee. The idea was that I’d start singing the Psalm and the Gospel Acc. and that we’d move on to other things according to plan.

    So I armed myself with Chabanel Psalms, rehearsed with the organist (pianist, no feet skills, no virtuoso but adequate to the job) and we’re ready to go for the next week. But then mid-week I get a call from the organist, who tells me that the one we rehearsed is fine, but the others have texts that don’t match the missalettes, and that I should talk to Fr. about this. I found this incredible, but figured that since we were good for the coming Sunday, I’d come in early and check the missalettes for the future weeks and figure out what’s going on. I thought she was looking at a Year C missal, but that too was incredible.

    So Sat. night I get a call from Fr. … we’re off for Sunday, I need to meet with him, and I’m not to talk to the organist until I talk to him… and he’s scheduled after Mass, so we set up a time for Weds. WTF? (“What’s that, Father?”) I check my texts and of course they’re fine. I imagine any and all objections to what I’m doing, even sending Jeff O. a query email about a particular detail I needed. At this point, I'm feeling a little trashed.

    Last night I learned what the real issue was: the organist is the grandmother of the girl who got drunk and hit my wife head-on several years back, killing my mother-in-law and stuffing my wife’s leg with a titanium rod (earning 5 years in prison in the process). She hadn’t made the connection, but her daughter did, and Daughter thought the reason I was singing there was to stalk her family and cause them grief! Now Daughter had been on various public forums sticking up for her daughter and her accident (might have been the DUI that Daughter herself had), and we (esp. my wife) hadn’t been buying much of that. So yes, the bad blood and discomfort is understandable, and the organist doesn't feel comfortable working with me. And, oh yeah, the parish is $50K in debt to the diocese, so my chances of getting paid are slim and none.

    So we’re letting it ride for awhile, until Fr. does what he can toward reconciliation. I don’t have anything much against the drunk girl at this point; justice has been done. And I certainly have no reason to implicate Grandma the organist. My wife still has a grudge, and points out that their embrace of victimhood is just a way of avoiding their own guilt. True, but not useful in resolving the current situation.

    My purpose in writing this: 1) To see if I can win the award for most bizarre church music soap opera 2) to ask for your prayers 3) To ask for advice on how to make this work, if it’s workable 4) to fill Jeff O. in on “the rest of the story” and to thank him publicly for his help.
  • Kathy
    Posts: 5,500
    1) yes
    2) yes
    3) Now you've entered into the realm of mystery. God has brought you into contact with someone under the strangest possible circumstances. What can be done? Is music the most important aspect here? And yet, could you give sacred music a good reputation by the way you handle this surreal situation?
  • Adam WoodAdam Wood
    Posts: 6,451
    Talk to the organist with compassion and love.
  • JDE
    Posts: 588
    Okay, that is truly bizarre. I agree you win the award. We will definitely pray for you.

    As for no. 3, I have to agree with Kathy (by implication) that there is no such thing as a coincidence. It could be an opportunity to be loving and kind regardless of past injury (in this case, actual rather than just emotional) and to be the Gospel as much as you can be. Most people could not forgive such a thing; that you have forgiven already is testament to grace.

    That you are now in proximity with this person and her family again is not coincidental. So I would have to say make the most of the opportunity to be Christlike about everything, particularly the music. Bitterness yields only bitterness; love may or may not result in what you want, but it is better than the alternatives.
  • Hmm, Fr. Leo had considered it providential that I showed up in his RCIA class. Which doesn't rule out other providence, in one of God's incredible bank shots. My wife is the real injured party here, and she's not a Christian. So I'm praying that it's going to be a 3-ball shot.

    I went back and read my old blog posts from the time of the accident, to see just how much of a arschloch I was. Not very, it turns out, considering. If anyone has any morbid curiosity about the details of the accident, they're all found under this topic: http://jeffreyquick.wordpress.com/category/wreck-stuff

    What I wonder/fear is: assuming I do get to start this thing, will I be able to establish trust? Playing there is very important to this organist. She seems to be a marginally better keyboardist than I am, and I'm working hard to get that together. If things fall apart, or I have to sub, I'd like to be able to do that. So far, hymn playing seems to be my biggest issue...it's hard to assign notes to hands or to revoice in real time at velocity. Playing organ music is much easier.
  • Kathy
    Posts: 5,500
    Jeffrey,

    Don't tell Jeff. O I said this, but while you're getting up to speed, it's possible to fake your way through a hymn using your right hand for melody and your left hand for a two-note chord. Find a hymnal with guitar chords.

    Temporary emergency use only. Please don't kick me off the forum. Thank you.
  • I'm reminded, Jeffrey, of that amazing final scene in the Shamalyan film "SIGNS" when the Episcopal priest is at the accident scene where he speaks to his mortally wounded wife, who with her last breaths tells him "to see." And she adds "tell your brother to swing away." I don't know if you've seen the film, but the priest loses his faith after she passes, and as the story climaxes in a most unlikely way, her instruction comes to him again, all is saved and the priest acknowledges that JDE's admonition is correct: there are NO conincidences. We are not alone, someone is with us always. And we certainly are with you as well.
    Let God guide your heart, and those of your wife and all concerned. And see.
  • Thanks Kathy for the advice. I've already considered fakery (or at least rewriting)...it's one of the privileges of living in the Church of No 4-Part Hymnals. And thanks to the rest of you for your well-wishes.
  • Maureen
    Posts: 675
    O Father almighty, Your Son Jesus prayed to You "that all may be one". In Your mercy and goodness, please help all these people to find reconciliation and peace with one another, so that they may all better love and serve You and each other as Your children. In your fatherly kindness, please teach us to love and forgive everyone, for the sake of how You have loved and saved us.

    O Blessed Virgin Mary, untier of knots, pray for us! St. Joseph, patron of workers, help these people do their work to God's glory! St. Cecilia and St. Gregory the Great, pray for us!
  • May I interrupt the regularly-scheduled heretic-bashing with an update?
    I'd proposed to Fr. Leo that I start with the cantoring at Lent, as then I could do it without involving the organist at all, and hopefully form a constituency for what I do. Fr. doesn't do email or even phone so much, and wanted to meet with me, so he called last night to set up a time. This was maybe not the best timing, as my wife had had a visitation court hearing that did not go well (courts do tend to side with the custodial parents, even when they're abusive). He had suggested that perhaps I could write a letter of apology to "Ms. Perp's" family, and I pointed out that I really didn't have anything to apologize for, though I could probably find something. Then he thought perhaps a meeting between the parties would be the thing. We set up a time to meet (3/3) after he gets back from retreat, and ended the call.

    My wife, in the next room, went ballistic. She claimed that the church owed HER an apology, because it wrote letters and sent calls in support of clemency for "Ms. Perp". I pointed out that that was their job, and she countered that they'd never talked to her or helped her, which was also arguably their job, and that no way should I suck up in order to do a gig that doesn't pay, and that if I went to that church, I would be hobnobbing with people who have made themselves her enemy. And this annulment stuff...she was really married to ALL her husbands, thankyouverymuch. Suffice it to say that it was a chilly and oddly appropriate end for Valentine's Day, given that I felt like I'd been beaten and beheaded.

    Now, my wife's immortal soul is a hill I would die on, for the selfish reason that it wouldn't be Heaven without her. Music at a small rural parish, notsomuch. I am thinking at this point that I might have to cede some territory in my fight for the Church's music. I've been all-but-told "don't go there" (she's too smart to give me a direct order). Now, if St, Michael's were the last Catholic church in the world, she'd be outranked (I've given up risking my soul for women...I hope!), but it's not. So...if there's a church in the NE Ohio area that PAYS (ha!) and might be interested in hearing what a utility baritone who reads well and has additional musical skills can do, let me know!
  • I wish you were in SE Ohio because I have a paid position open. Wanna commute? :-)
  • I will pray for you and some appropriate job opportunity to come your way. I'm thinking that the priest might want to hear what you said above, especially that the Church should have reached out not only to the perp and her family, but the victim and her family. Seems your wife is still hurting badly (of course) and both out of concern for her grief and her soul it would be reasonable to hint around about or outright arrange a pastoral visit.

    IMO I wouldn't care to work there, paid or unpaid, until due charity was shown my spouse.

    And then there's the issue of you being a trained singer and deserving of fair pay... Whatever happens, please dont give up. Goodness knows there is a dearth of really trained singers in our parishes.

    One idea- if you can swing it, come to the Colloquium. You can network there in a stimulating and almost retreat-like environment. Might do wonders for your weary soul, and might even be beneficial for your wife to experience your passion if she were to attend or visit. Just a 'pie in the sky' thought. :)

    I will be praying for you on all fronts, and enlist the expanding troops at my house to do the same.
  • ChristopherMcCloskey, you don't have an email address listed on your profile, but I'd like to know more about this open position. I live in SE Ohio.

    Mary
  • JennyJenny
    Posts: 147
    Speaking as a wife, I would be royally ticked (to put it mildly) if my husband was coerced into offering an apology to the people who has so greivously injured me and my family. Sounds like they owe you and your wife an apology, even at this late date. Forgiveness is a Christian virtue, but so is justice.

    Speaking as a musician, it wouldn't be worth it to me to work at this parish, knowing how much it would hurt my spouse.

    Speaking as someone who has done some counseling, it sounds like a meeting between all parties would be rather explosive and unlikely to have a pleasant outcome at this point. My suggestion would be to meet with your pastor alone and describe your wife's feelings/concerns, then try to get him to meet with both of you. With God's grace that might help your wife to find some additional healing. As for meeting with the other folks, I wouldn't do that until your wife felt ready to do so. You can't do anything about the fact that they continue to play the 'victim card', so deal with them in a Christian fashion when you run into them, but concentrate on the healing your family needs.

    It is true that God may be using this situation to lead you to a greater understanding of his plan for your family, but don't rush it. I'll pray for all concerned.
  • francis
    Posts: 10,668
    Hmmm... heavy guns needed here... St. Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle...
  • Since this is not a paid position, and having lived in the rather "interesting" area in which you now reside (I recall being at the McDonalds in NF at 10:38, ordered breakfast and was told "Breakfast Is Over At II. I pointed out that their clock and my watch both said it was 10:38 and they said, "No, it says Breakfast Is Over.), I'm sure that they would have little respect for you and see you as an impediment rather than a valuable addition to the staff. Run, don't walk.
  • @ Guadalupe--
    Unfortunately I need a baritone :-(
  • Christopher.
    I commute to Cleveland (1 hr 10', every weekday), and I can't get much farther East (NE Portage Co.), so it might not be out of the question, depending how far South and East. Weekdays could be a real problem though, given that I'm in Cleveland until 5. I'm singing polyphony in Cleveland Sunday, because I need to be there for other musical business, and I'm jonesin'.
    MA-
    I signed up for Colloquium the day registration was opened. I was going to go last year, but dawdled until it was too late. As for "reaching out", yes, they should have, if they were going to take sides, but I was not a Catholic at the time, and my wife wasn't (and isn't) a Christian at all, so it would be like expecting solicitude to a random name in the phone book.
    Francis:
    Ironically, the church I was going to serve at is St. Michael. Windham became a boom town (temporarily) after the Feds built the Ravenna arsenal during WWII, so the name fits (parish founded in 1953). Old-style church, not too bad acoustically. The only goofy thing about the building is the glass black windows. If they can't afford stained glass (and they can't), straight glass would be better EXCEPT that it's a narrow lot and the church is misaligned on it (an EF mass in it would "ad australem") So there would be constant glare problems with morning and evening masses, which the glass block diffuses.
    NFJ:
    This area is the "the little girl with the little curl" -- we love it out here, but we don't find all the people equally lovable. (Our Protestant neighbors were INCREDIBLE after the accident...finer folks you could not meet.) My wife is boycotting the McD's in Garrettsville after they charged her 30¢ a sandwich for extra mayo, then put the 2 sandwiches worth on one sandwich (and thus her blouse).