Indeed the value of ritual is immeasurable and multifaceted. I'm dealing with a situation, though, that gives me pause to reflect....

A member of my congregation just passed away. I got a call to organize the music (the first time this has happened since I started working there).
Now, in the midst of her grief, the recently widowed has to find time to meet with me and decide on hymn selections. Besides everything else, we need to take into consideration the mixed-community problem (which Mass setting will be sung? Is it one everyone knows?) and the genre/style problem (the widow prefers "contemporary" hymns [I am the Bread of Life, On Eagles Wings... you know- contemporary music], the organist is an organist, and who knows what the congregation of mourners know/like/expect).
Besides that, the BCP is so... open... in it's options (as well as it's implementation) that it's anybody's guess (least of all mine) as to what will actually occur.

I find no fault among Episcopalianism for these problems, as they are the same that would be faced in the average "contemporary" RC parish.


When someone dies, people bring food because it's hard to decide what to eat, and it's hard to prepare meals. "Here- have a casserole. Don't worry about thinking of what to make for lunch. Do you want me to bring you anything in particular?" "Thank you. Um... could you also bring me some fried chicken. It was Bob's favorite, and I've had this weird craving for it." "No problem."

The community needs to behave the same way with Funeral music. "Here. These chants and hymns will be nourishing. Don't worry about the funeral, we have everything taken care of. Anything special you want?" "Um... Bob's favorite hymn was Amazing Grace. Could we sing that?" "Sure, no problem."

And then you do the Propers (Bartlett's Simple Propers for All Souls are a good choice on short notice). You sing the new ICEL chants for the Ordinary, or the Requiem Ordinary in Latin.
You sing Amazing Grace or whatever they asked for as a recessional. If they ask for something really awful, sing it before or after Mass or at the reception.
If they don't ask for anything, play an organ piece- no one needs to have congregational singing at the recessional of a funeral.

Mourners should not be forced into the position of music selector. It's cruel.

Obviously, some people will have more specific plans in place before hand, or more particular requests. That's fine- go along with them (unless they're ridiculous, and even then- do what you can).
But unless they specifically want to pick music, we should not foist that responsibility on people who have too much to deal with already.