Praying for you, Henry.

You're in my prayers, Henry.

Thank you for your kind words, Stimson. I hope to still participate in the forum. And I hope to be able to put my creative energies to use in composition and arranging rather than performance. I am just fed up with all of the things that CharlesW mentions, and think that my faith (such as it is by now) will stay stronger as just another pew-dweller than as a parish musician.

and think that my faith (such as it is by now) will stay stronger as just another pew-dweller than as a parish musician.

I know that feeling well. Someone asked me for advice just recently on whether or not to enter music ministry, and a big part of my reply was about the weird effects it can have on your faith life.

I wish you nothing but the best, @Salieri . If you ever need to talk, feel free to reach out. I expect I won’t be in parish ministry a year from now either, since I’ll finish my degree in my alternative field in the meantime. You’re in my prayers.

Salieri -

I have been semi-retired for some years now. I really miss teaching choirs to do things for the glory of God that they thought they couldn't do. Also the joys of choir rehearsals and the joy of the resulting offer of it all to our heavenly Father - and a kind word from a pastor who appreciated the struggling for beauty that is our gift. (And, someone once said that every organist lives to play 'O Come, All Ye Faithful' at mid-night mass on Christmas eve. Indeed, there are many memories which can be a nard to our bruised souls.

I shan't speak on the unpleasantries along the way because they really don't deserve being dragged out of the mire and given attention they don't deserve; besides they will only add to our depressions, sorrows, and disappointments

I am happy for you that you have stepped down from the battle to pursue a new road that God has surely prepared for you. Remember the good (for there was surely much good in your service). Please keep us posted on your new direction.

And for all those troublesome souls who are always wanting one to 'go with the flow' - my favoured retort has been 'the only fish that go with the flow are dead!'. (This may or may not be absolutely true in all cases - but it sounds awfully good!)

Jeffrey, this is where I struggle with my conscience, too, and it's one of the reasons I have not defected from ministry at present.

I've been sorely tempted to do so on multiple occasions, but any time we travel, I'm screaming on the inside because more often than not, I could sight read and improvise and still sound better than the musicians at the churches we visit. And then I'm reminded why I need to be doing what I'm doing, because if I didn't, it's not entirely unlikely that my parish would be left in a similar state of affairs. To be clear, I'm not irreplaceable, (no one is) but it's relatively slim pickins these days.

So, I had a [meeting] yesterday with The Powers That Be to discuss a few things. I will be staying on past January 8th, primarily, for me, because I still need money, and they pay it, however little it might be, but also because musicians are, as Serviam says, slim pickings here, and as much as I don't want to admit it, I don't want to leave people, especially the choir, most of whom I like, completely in the lurch. (I also have the conscience problem that Jeffrey and Serviam speak of, but until things drastically change---like the normative form of the Roman Rite in the US becomes the pre-55 Missale Romanum, partially translated (e.g. the Lessons) into Cranmerian English---the liturgy is simply a supermassive black hole that sucks away anything beautiful, never to be seen again; so it's really a question of not wanting to waste my talents by throwing pearls before swine... and some are more porcine than others.)

I am working on getting my ducks in a row, and will, hopefully, be pursuing a degree in psychology, beginning in the autumn, God willing.

Haha. The word that went missing was "meeting": I'm sure that I typed it, but it probably got sucked into the black hole, along with the liturgy.

To be honest, psychology is something that's been in the back of my mind for many years. If music hadn't been at the front of my mind before, it's probably the field that I would have gone into in the first place, and my interest in it has been increasing over the past few years. (I could say especially after having dealings with various clergy, but I won't.)