Help needed: compositions stuck
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    I'm attaching a first draft of an organ and trumpet voluntary.
    The problem isn't with the next section (which I have mostly in my head), but with what's posted here.
    Comments, please: should I change which trumpet I use, or make it an organ voluntary, using a trumpet stop, or something else.

    The second piece is a draft of a Marian hymn, whose original melody is worked into this draft.
    It, too, is stuck, seemingly unable to make progress.
    Organ and Trumpet Voluntary.pdf
    370K
    Liefde gaf U duizend namen.pdf
    449K
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    A Nice, piece!
    You could write the first section as harpsichord and organ - and
    then have a mildly virtuoso - middle section for the harpsichord alone - and
    Then, repeat the first section for both instruments - with Harpsichord and Trump.-
    perhaps some not too complicated he and there would spark interest.
    T

    While nicely written, the Trump gets all the showing off. Perhaps the Harpsichord could mirror and ornament each other. Some brief counterpoint might pique interest of the audience.

    It could be for organ as well, I just see it as Harpsichord Trumpet.

    What you finally decide to do,share! it with us.
    Thanked by 1Chris Garton-Zavesky
  • francis
    Posts: 10,824
    1 Great piece. Have no comment on how to improve except keep working the clay.
    2 also a great start. Are your parallel and double (unisons, fifth, octaves) movement intentional?
    Thanked by 1Chris Garton-Zavesky
  • ghmus7
    Posts: 1,483
    I would recommend a B section, perhaps in relative b minor...or even Bb major B sections are good cause it's effective when you return to the main key and theme, thus creating a form.
    to go to b minor, Bb use VI as pivot chord. To go to Bb you can kind of slide into it using a bass line: D-C natural, Bb.
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    Ghmus7,

    You're on to something there. In fact, that's the section I'm writing just now. Do great minds think alike, or do fools never differ?
    Thanked by 1ServiamScores
  • Jeffrey Quick
    Posts: 2,086
    Part of your issue with the trumpet thing is an overreliance on repetition and sequence. You've done a 4-repeat with rising initial pitches at your beginning, of what's basically just arpeggiated chords.Then you bring in a sostenuto trumpet melody over what's really the exact same thing. That melody is your "new thing". The development of the original idea as an accompaniment figure is sound, but that means actually developing it. Staying with the sequence idea, here are some things you could do:
    1. Run the melodic sequence descending instead of ascending
    2. Run the sequence by circle of fifths or by deceptive cadence. Careful here: if you do I-V-vi-iii-IV-I... you'll be reinventing the Pachelbel Canon, in the same key yet
    3. Using secondary dominants to increase tension and forward motion
    4. Shortening the idea
    5. Rhythmically displacing the idea
    6. Listen to the trumpet melody and write all of that, then worry about what happens beneath.

    M.8-9 are kind of problematic in that you hold the A harmony over the barline, which kills the rhythmic impetus. You might be better served by:
    I-*-V7/V-* |V-V/V-V-V7
    Thanked by 2Chris Garton-Zavesky tomjaw
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    Jeffrey,

    I can't press "thank" more than once, but your comments are thoughtful, so thank you multiple times.
    Thanked by 1Jeffrey Quick
  • VocesCapituli
    Posts: 123
    Dear Chris, I see you are stuck on the Marian hymn. I hope it works out! Looking forward to it. Many thanks, Dirk
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    Dirk,

    Does it (so far) represent anything usable, or is it so much straw?
  • VocesCapituli
    Posts: 123
    Chris, thusfar it works for us!
  • VocesCapituli
    Posts: 123
    Dear Chris,
    thank you very much, my reply may have been a bit short, but I have already played it on the piano and I genuinely like it. It works really well for us and could become a stay on our programme. I look forward to the whole work!
    Kind regards and much inspiration!
    Dirk
    Thanked by 1Chris Garton-Zavesky
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    Progress, perhaps, on the Organ/Trumpet Voluntary.
    Organ and Trumpet Voluntary, in progress.pdf
    393K
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    Dirk,

    I'm going to see if I can't make some serious progress, now, that you've told me I'm on the right track, and I have a few minutes to breathe.
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