Silly texts that we write in our nonexistent spare time
  • Anna_BendiksenAnna_Bendiksen
    Posts: 128
    Grace and peace, everyone.

    Writing silly texts to other people's tunes is something I enjoy doing (one bows to Adam Wood here, of course, whose "I am the very model" is the very model for us all). When my son played trombone in the Norwalk Youth Symphony, we held a Christmas party for the brass ensemble during which the following may or may not have been sung to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic."


    Battle Hymn of the NYS Brass Ensemble

    Oh, mine ears have heard the glory of the playing of the brass,
    We're a shining good example, we're the pride of NYS;
    We get asked to play pre-concerts 'cause we clearly are the best;
    And so the brass play on!

    (Glory, glory halleljuah, etc., and so the brass play on!)

    Now the trumpets, ever glorious, are highest of the lot,
    Whether Handel or Mussorgsky, we'll be heard no matter what;
    People say that we're too piercing; we don't listen, that's just rot!
    And so the brass play on!


    The French horn, all round and curly, has a sweet and mournful sound;
    It was used for hunting foxes running over English ground;
    We still have to hire ringers 'cause enough have not been found;
    And so the brass play on!


    Oh, the trombone's deeper music to the farthest row we bring
    And the deepest one is Steven, though he never learned to sing;
    We can text for eighty measures till we have to play a thing;
    And so the brass play on!


    I'm the one and only tubist in the group you heard today;
    Kind of weird how things work out, but please don't worry, I'm OK;
    I've got bass notes like an elephant---you've got to hear me play!
    And so the brass play on!


    Oh, mine ears have heard the glory, etc.


    I'd love to sing yours.

  • bhcordovabhcordova
    Posts: 1,106
    Thanked by 1Anna_Bendiksen
  • Anna,
    You're from the American Midwest somewhere: you made "hire" two syllables!
  • Anna_BendiksenAnna_Bendiksen
    Posts: 128
    Nice catch, Chris! You can take the girl out of Illinois but.
  • francis
    Posts: 10,081
    Ok... I composed one today. It’s one of the 6/8 meter songs by David Haas to the words of “The Animal Fair”. Anna If you’re thinking of publishing this collection, Serviam has captured the perfect title on another active thread.
    Thanked by 1Anna_Bendiksen
  • Anna,

    I worked with a Midwestern cantor once, eons ago. She began "Our Father" as if Our had two syllables. Impressions stick on 30-something young men.
  • Speaking of silly texts, have you seen my parodies, hereabouts?
    Thanked by 1ServiamScores
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,258
    She began...
    In Texas 'our' either comes out as 'are' or 'ower'.
  • Jackson,

    Yes, and how do you Texans pronounce Black Gold? "oil" = ?
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,258
    Chris -

    You understand that these eccentric pronunciations are spoken by the natives - I myself disown them.
  • tandrews
    Posts: 130
    I knew of an organist who would play the hymn Jerusalem at vespers during the Magnificat. The organ and assembly were on opposite ends of the church, so the delay was really bad. He shared that instead of trying to sing along to the Magnificat on a 2 second delay he would just sing:

    "This is verse one,
    This is verse one,
    This is verse one, this is verse one..."

    "This is verse two,
    This is verse two,
    This is verse two, this is verse two..."

    To this day I can't play Jerusalem without singing those alternate lyrics!
  • GambaGamba
    Posts: 488
    For my own stupid fun, and certainly not for public consumption, I dashed off a new verse for By All Your Saints Still Striving when JP2 was canonized.

    For Saint John Paul the Second
    We raise our joyful song.
    He tore the Iron Curtain,
    Survived th’assassin’s gun.
    He taught that prophylactics
    Are never to be donned
    And he made peace with Muslims
    By kissing the Qur’an.
    Thanked by 1M. Jackson Osborn
  • Jackson,

    Yes, I know it's the native pronunciation, but I (somehow) didn't know you weren't a native.
  • bhcordovabhcordova
    Posts: 1,106
    You mean 'our' and 'oil' don't have two syllables?????????? Next you'll be telling me that 'is' only has one syllable!
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,744
    Yankees, bh. Can't be anything else.
  • bhcordovabhcordova
    Posts: 1,106
    I wouldn't be able to breathe if I lived up north! Not enough heat and humidity.
    Thanked by 1CharlesW
  • StimsonInRehabStimsonInRehab
    Posts: 1,852
    Can't take credit for this one, but I found this 'setting' in a written history of the church choir of the Seattle Cathedral. The choristers wrote these verses (to the tune of "When Constabulary Duty's to be Done" from The Pirates of Penzance) in honor of their German-born director/organist:

    I. When the enterprising choir gets to singing and sopranos start a
    quarrel o’er a song, the director’s head begins to a ringing, for his life indeed is
    not a happy one.
    II. When the keyboard will not answer very quickly and everything
    about the place goes wrong, the director’s air is hardly very spritely, for his lot
    indeed is not a happy one.
    III. When his stiff rheumatic joints can hardly wiggle, and the
    “Moosic” from the organ does not come, and “doesferyschtupidchvire
    members” giggle, the director’s life is not a rosy one!
    IV. When his poor old gouty toes on the pedals to not play the music
    in the manner that it’s written, and the noise that thunders forth doesn’t
    harmonize at all, the director with his job is hardly smitten!
    V. When sopranos will continue with their “schlurring” and the
    bass is very deeply steepd in “grime” and the altos from the key will keep a
    turning, the director does not have a joyful time!
    VI. When on show occasions everything goes vilely and the tenors
    are the bumest of the bum, the director shakes hi polished bald head wildly
    wishing most devoutly that he’d stayed at home.
    VII. But at lenth “dese aweful noises” ceases and “dose amateurs” all
    have homeward gone, the director’s face, the gay young maid then pleases, for
    he’s as game a sport as anyone.
    VIII. So he promptly ties him down unto the “Bismark” and then
    drowns all his sorrows deep in beer, Oogling ‘tween drinks the witching
    girlees “vaz blays Liebe Gott! like anchels down here”
  • Liam
    Posts: 4,671
    True Yankees of eastern New England, traditionally being the frugal sort, have a Law of Conservation of Rs. That, while non-rhotic one syllable, the R may well be placed at the end of terminal vowel. "Ah theyuh any Stah Mahkits in Cuber?"
  • Those "R"s have been shipped to other parts of the country. Speaker Gingrich (from Georgia) used to call our Capital City "Warshington".

    Folks from Philly drop their "h", too. Where do they end up?