Silly answers welcome, so they don't infect other threads
  • We received word recently that an organized night (or probably longer) of rage against Catholic parishes is being organized in the wake of a Supreme Court decision.

    While there are certainly serious answers to the question I'm posing here, I think a little humor is in order. (Think Lt. Cmdr Scott and when he started a fight with the Klingons over the Enterprise being called garbage)

    Here's the question:

    In the event of an invasion of your parish (remember, your music program is under threat!) what would you be most likely to defend/protect?

  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,757
    I no longer work in a Latin parish so I am not familiar with what they might do. They did send out a notice a couple of days ago about a security meeting they were going to have to address this. My Byzantine parish is so small I doubt the protesters even know where or who we are.

    If I were still working in the Latin parish, I would throw one of the sopranos at them while I escaped.

    Seriously, it was widely known that if I didn't beat the crap out of invaders, the choir members with guns would shoot them. No joke here since several members were packing.

    An additional note: It didn't involve the choir but one Sunday morning one of the street characters came in a bit tipsy and ended up taking a swing at an usher. Those who were downstairs and saw it all said the usher dragged him out the door by his neck. Next, street guy was on the ground face down with 4 guns pointed at him while waiting for the police to arrive. My experience is that you get what you are willing to put up with. We didn't put up with much.
  • ServiamScores
    Posts: 2,134
    I have long contemplated what I could throw down from the loft in the event that an invader came in through the west end under the choir loft. I have a few ideas ready to go.
    Thanked by 3CharlesW Jani tomjaw
  • I had my choirs practice their aim with hymnals from the loft during rehearsal.
    Thanked by 3CharlesW tomjaw igneus
  • TCJ
    Posts: 861
    Use the music stands like pole arms.
  • davido
    Posts: 695
    No doubt what I would throw, we have Gather hymnals
  • Davido,

    Would you throw them because they're like shrapnel (bountiful and no loss) or like the atomic bomb (full of destructive power, delivered in a small package) or for some other reason?
    Thanked by 2ServiamScores tomjaw
  • If the Gather books got damaged it would be no major loss.
    Thanked by 2CharlesW tomjaw
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,757
    Are you referring to Gather Reprehensive?
  • francis
    Posts: 10,145
    I have never thrown a principal 8, but hey!
  • I'll just play our out of tune Bombard and all the rioters will leave screaming.
  • ServiamScores
    Posts: 2,134
    Personally, I’m set to my heels whenever a mass starts with “all are welcome”, so perhaps merely starting the hymn would send the aggressors running.
  • You know Francis, despite the horrible damage it would do to the pipes, they probably would make very effective javelins.
    Thanked by 3francis tomjaw igneus
  • davido
    Posts: 695
    All of the above reasons.

    Also, who does one contact about arranging a church burning? We’ve been looking for a reason to have to replace our 1971 spaceship church
  • Electrical cords serve a dual purpose: they trip the invaders and they disable the sound system.
  • .
  • Carol
    Posts: 790
    Wonderful diversion, thank you!
  • GambaGamba
    Posts: 495
    I would save any choir members who didn’t fall victim to such ridiculous fearmongering.