Silly answers welcome, so they don't infect other threads
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    We received word recently that an organized night (or probably longer) of rage against Catholic parishes is being organized in the wake of a Supreme Court decision.

    While there are certainly serious answers to the question I'm posing here, I think a little humor is in order. (Think Lt. Cmdr Scott and when he started a fight with the Klingons over the Enterprise being called garbage)

    Here's the question:

    In the event of an invasion of your parish (remember, your music program is under threat!) what would you be most likely to defend/protect?

  • StimsonInRehabStimsonInRehab
    Posts: 1,933
    The Blessed Sacrament.
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  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,980
    I no longer work in a Latin parish so I am not familiar with what they might do. They did send out a notice a couple of days ago about a security meeting they were going to have to address this. My Byzantine parish is so small I doubt the protesters even know where or who we are.

    If I were still working in the Latin parish, I would throw one of the sopranos at them while I escaped.

    Seriously, it was widely known that if I didn't beat the crap out of invaders, the choir members with guns would shoot them. No joke here since several members were packing.

    An additional note: It didn't involve the choir but one Sunday morning one of the street characters came in a bit tipsy and ended up taking a swing at an usher. Those who were downstairs and saw it all said the usher dragged him out the door by his neck. Next, street guy was on the ground face down with 4 guns pointed at him while waiting for the police to arrive. My experience is that you get what you are willing to put up with. We didn't put up with much.
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  • ServiamScores
    Posts: 2,888
    I have long contemplated what I could throw down from the loft in the event that an invader came in through the west end under the choir loft. I have a few ideas ready to go.
    Thanked by 3CharlesW Jani tomjaw
  • PhilipPowell
    Posts: 116
    I had my choirs practice their aim with hymnals from the loft during rehearsal.
    Thanked by 3CharlesW tomjaw igneus
  • TCJ
    Posts: 986
    Use the music stands like pole arms.
    Thanked by 4PhilipPowell CharlesW Chris Garton-Zavesky tomjaw
  • davido
    Posts: 942
    No doubt what I would throw, we have Gather hymnals
    Thanked by 7ServiamScores CharlesW tomjaw igneus Carol LauraKaz PaxTecum
  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    Davido,

    Would you throw them because they're like shrapnel (bountiful and no loss) or like the atomic bomb (full of destructive power, delivered in a small package) or for some other reason?
    Thanked by 2ServiamScores tomjaw
  • Nathan_the_Organist
    Posts: 440
    If the Gather books got damaged it would be no major loss.
    Thanked by 2CharlesW tomjaw
  • CharlesW
    Posts: 11,980
    Are you referring to Gather Reprehensive?
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  • francis
    Posts: 10,824
    I have never thrown a principal 8, but hey!
  • PhilipPowell
    Posts: 116
    I'll just play our out of tune Bombard and all the rioters will leave screaming.
    Thanked by 5tomjaw CharlesW igneus Carol LauraKaz
  • ServiamScores
    Posts: 2,888
    Personally, I’m set to my heels whenever a mass starts with “all are welcome”, so perhaps merely starting the hymn would send the aggressors running.
    Thanked by 4tomjaw CharlesW Carol LauraKaz
  • Nathan_the_Organist
    Posts: 440
    You know Francis, despite the horrible damage it would do to the pipes, they probably would make very effective javelins.
    Thanked by 3francis tomjaw igneus
  • davido
    Posts: 942
    All of the above reasons.

    Also, who does one contact about arranging a church burning? We’ve been looking for a reason to have to replace our 1971 spaceship church
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  • Chris Garton-Zavesky
    Posts: 6,902
    Electrical cords serve a dual purpose: they trip the invaders and they disable the sound system.
    Thanked by 3tomjaw CharlesW LauraKaz
  • M. Jackson Osborn
    Posts: 8,414
    .
  • Carol
    Posts: 856
    Wonderful diversion, thank you!
    Thanked by 2tomjaw Chris Garton-Zavesky
  • GambaGamba
    Posts: 548
    I would save any choir members who didn’t fall victim to such ridiculous fearmongering.
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