After a few years of 3-lesson vigils I'm scrambling to put back together a multilingual service with 7 Psalms and would be grateful for proof-reading & other pointers, so to speak. (Please do start a separate thread in the category General Discussion for the usual digressions on whether God is pleased with mixed worshipers, though!)
The only book I have with me at the moment in Spanish is a 1962 Missal, so I can't check anything, but I'm curious about the first two syllables in the last verse of the first Psalm: Should they be separated by a hyphen? They look like two separate words which should be linked by a slur (the correct name of that punctuation mark eludes at the moment).
For the verses of Psalm 15/16, I'm not sure why the accented syllable isn't on the penultimate note as suggested by the psalm tone itself: "y mi copa," not "y mi copa"; "a la muerte," not "a la muerte." And at the end of the third verse, it seems "tu derecho" can be set easily to the regular pattern (tu (f) de(ga)re(g)cho.(f))
I see that you are generally placing the accented syllable on the last note ("al Señor", "corazón"), but this is not completely consistent ("mano," "serena") - which I understand, since the accent pattern of Spanish (like English) does not follow the Latin. However, I think that it works better to keep the original accenting pattern of the chant whenever possible, with unavoidable exceptions like those above, instead of the other way around.
One other suggestion: although the elisions you mark are naturally done when speaking the text, I have found it is usually better to sing both syllables separately ("presente al Señor"). Otherwise I have found it can sound "rushed" or even garbled since the singer is pronouncing every other syllable individually on separate notes. The exception is when the elision is between two identical vowels.
I don't know the Spanish well enough to comment, except that receiving the highest pitch on an unaccented syllable dilutes, rather than concentrates, the emphasis.
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