I can sympathize. After some years trying to participate in choirs I have discovered I am the world's happiest Catholic when I simply assist at Mass as a boring old PIP and relegate my singing solely to hobby status. My attempts at being involved in parish groups of any kind, musical or otherwise, have been near occasions of lack of charity, or even of pure loathing. I'm just not cut out for it. God bless those who are.

Job-wise, as someone (50-some years old) who has rarely had the same kind of job for more than 7 or 8 years, I think you can risk it! Try be totally open to unexpected or off-the-wall options, and assume anything you get into might be temporary, in that it may just be an unexpected link to something else. Pray hard and trust in the plot twists God puts in your path.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Salieri -
I am so sorry to hear about your sad quandry. I will be praying for you and will put you on the prayer list at Walsingham - I remember well the beautiful preces that you composed for us for evensong several years ago! You are not alone in your angst. I have known others who were tortured over such matters as concern you. There are so many endemic and institutionally negative and outright toxic factors that can affect negatively a church musician's sense of vocation and even challenge his faith. In noting this, one hastens to note that, also, there are many positive factors that affect positively one's faith and vocation. Too, dry, and even outright torturous periods, are and have been, as the mystics attest, to be expected in one's journey. Our faith, at times, is a struggle, a thing fought for, and victory may be hard one. Take heart and know that you are not alone. I had a friend once who was quite devout, well versed in theology, Aquinas, taught Latin in high school, was a fine choirmaster, husband and father, and was an admirer of the Benedictine life, who shocked me one day by saying, 'Jackson, sometimes I wonder if this whole thing isn't one giant hoax'. Still his faith remained, and, I think, never really wavered.

Don't despair.
Despair is the enemy of health, spiritual or other.
Seek counsel.
And, above all, don't allow this to destroy your love of music - or your faith.

Prayers for you.

I understand your problem and recognize it as one common to this work. In my own case, having been brought up Protestant, I worked pretty regularly for 25 years or so at part time jobs in various churches along with teaching and performing . Some of those jobs were pleasant enough, but there were often problems such as you tell of. As a result of difficult conditions in a "Christian" college I found myself employed at a Catholic liberal arts college (soon to become a "university") where I remained for 22 difficult years. My wife was an adjunct faculty member there in the music dept. We left the university after the 22 years of my term there because of internal politics. In our private prayer my wife and I both came to the sense that we should leave the University (where I was a dept. head and full professor) and go into Catholic Church full time. (After 22 years teaching in a Catholic university I converted anyway). We took a job that paid $23,000 per annum for both of us which included funerals. Within a few months the pastor that hired us left and we had a period of substitute priests. When a new pastor was appointed it was clear from the start that he wanted nothing to do with us at all and made things tough enough to get our resignation. We had a 15 month period of unemployment during which we subbed in the public schools, and ran a private music studio in our home (voice and piano). We found that the nasty politics of the world in general permeates the schools, public and private, and that it is also true of the church-any church-in spades. We continued on to work in some other churches until a family situation required us to care for an elderly family member for several years. Our last job was in a Protestant Church that was being severely damaged because of national politics and disputes over things like homosexual marriage and other social or social-political matters.

This stuff will follow you wherever you go. A period of reflection about your calling, strengthening of your own faith and commitment, and enough distance to gain perspective may help you to ascertain whether this work is what you want to do. As jobs go, they almost all have serious problems. Priests are a mixed bag, as well. I know one musician who asks pastors at her interviews if they could tell her what their particular maladjustment is so she can decide about the suitability of the position!

Pray, reflect, maintain a sense of humor, and see what happens. We will pray for you.

Apparently there is so much demand for help in this kind of transition that someone has found a way to make a living from it. https://cruxnow.com/church-in-the-usa/2020/12/new-venture-helps-those-trained-in-ministry-apply-skills-in-secular-world/

Thank you, everyone, for your suggestions--there is certainly much to think about.