For Comment: The Word of the Lord is Faithful-Weis
  • JKWJKW
    Posts: 37
    Exercising my composition muscles with this short piece. Would welcome any thoughts and/or constructive feedback! I intend this piece to be sung by an unaccompanied S(S)ATB choir.

    **UPDATED VERSION and recording (in open score)**

    https://drive.google.com/open?id=17BxFS2XDcNa2J7VKT9Wi7hOfNg9NLNbZ
  • It's quite nice. Not sure what I think about the repetition of "His love" at the end of the piece, and I certainly wouldn't add the high E at the end. Perhaps an optional Baritone B could be added above that optional low E.
  • JKWJKW
    Posts: 37
    Thank you Casavant Organist. I'm not convinced of the repetition at the end either....I also thought it was perhaps better without the high note - more retrained, and I think there is a particular loveliness about not having the high note.
    Thanked by 1Casavant Organist
  • Love this. Could be used in my parish as an introit, offertory, or communion motet. I have already printed copies for our rehearsal tomorrow evening. Thanks!
  • JKWJKW
    Posts: 37
    Wonderful! One edit you might try is in the last section with "His love" have sopranos sing "His love" and hold through. Add Altos in the same fashion and hold. Then tenors and basses. Basically each voice part sings "His love" one time, so that each repetition another voice adds underneath with the text "His love." I hope to update with this change soon. I'm thrilled you will use it cesarfranck! Thank you! I wrote this for an Introit in January.
  • chonakchonak
    Posts: 7,907
    May I suggest another way of treating the text in measure 11?

    Connect the S/A notes on beats 1 & 2 ("love"), and
    Connect the S/A notes on beats 3 & 4 ("his").
    The T/B entrance on beat 4 is unchanged.

    The idea is to let the piece convey more calm there, and avoid an overly "talky" impression.
  • JKWJKW
    Posts: 37
    Chonak- thank you for your suggestions. I appreciate that you understand a more calm affect is indeed what is needed at the end. This was what I was trying to do, but the way it is on the page in this version...."talky" is a helpful way to describe it. Thank you again!
  • Very nice. I like the word setting and you've done a good job with keeping the inner parts moving. The building up on "merciful love" at mm. 8-10 also works well. I think the repetition of "merciful love" at m. 10 should be kept as written.

    However, I find the tenor and basses being cut off in mid-sentence at the end of m. 10 to be awkward ("His . . . "). Perhaps the basses could "resolve" down to a G# and the tenors stay of B with a quarter note on the first beat of m. 11 on the word "love"? In which case the alto note should be changed to E to supply the root of the chord.

    There are also some voice-leading issues in mm. 8-10 (as the piece seems to follow common practice):
    (1) parallel octaves between alto and bass (last beat of m. 8 to first beat of m. 9)
    (2) parallel fifths between soprano and bass (beats 2 and 3 in m. 9)
    (3) parallel octaves between alto and bass (last beat of m. 9 into m. 10) and
    (4) parallel octaves between soprano and tenor (m. 10, beats 2-3).

    The first could be corrected by changing the bass note in the last beat of m. 8 from B to G#. The subsequent motion to the A would also counteract the downward motion in all the other parts.

    To avoid the second, the bass note on the second beat of m. 9 could be changed to a C#, making the bass line more interesting and again having the bass and upper voices moving in contrary instead of parallel motion.

    For (3), the last note of m. 9 in the alto part could be changed to a D# to avoid the parallels octaves with the bass.

    To avoid (4), the tenor note in the third beat of m. 10 could be changed to an E. This would make a rich chord on the word "love" and also set up a expressive leap in the tenor line - a major sixth to the C# which would come down to a B if you liked my idea of adding the word "love" to the tenor and bass parts at this point.
  • JKWJKW
    Posts: 37
    rich_enough - thank you, thank you for pointing out parallels. I am striving towards "good" part writing and voice leading, so your suggestions are just the kind of feedback I am looking for. Really appreciate it! (I will never forget the red-inked parallel lines from my theory professor showing my 5ths and octaves!)
    Thanked by 1rich_enough
  • Rich's first solution creates an awkward situation with the voice-leading in the tenor - it makes more sense for the alto to simply resolve to C# into m. 9 before continuing as written.
  • JKWJKW
    Posts: 37
    I've fixed and updated this score. I think its much better! Thanks to all the comments so far! I hope to get an updated recording up soon too.
  • JKWJKW
    Posts: 37
    Updated score and recording! Enjoy!
    Thanked by 1CHGiffen