Curious tune.
Very nice!
(Whence Cedar Street?)

(Ha! I suspected something like that.)

Have you a text in mind for this 87 87 87 87 tune?

Adam,

Welcome back to the forum. (I have the feeling that you've been elsewhere rather than on this forum, but still at CMAA).

Do you intend the parts to be sung, or played instrumentally?

> Welcome back

I had to step away. I'll probably never be as engaged as I was, but I'm trying to do more composing so I'm sure I'll be around on and off.

I like the tune--just hummed it.

I haven't played through it yet, but just looking at it, I'm immediately drawn (not in a good way) to the ascent of a major seventh into a minor second in bars 1 & 5 of the Bass. I could over-look that if it was intended as a purely instrumental line (i.e., if the Tune was to be unison only with accompaniment, a la SALVE FESTA DIES), but for singers, especially more amateur singers in a church choir, it should be avoided.

On a slightly different subject: Personally I prefer a more open notation for hymns: Having so many eighth-note beams/flags on a closed score plus a text between them, ends up looking really cluttered and unappealing; I would suggest a switch from a Common Time notation to Alla Breve. But that's your call.

I like the hymn, and would probably like it even better with the text. The melody strikes me as a bit "cramped" in its range and rhythmic patterns, though it does open up a little in the third line (and the poor altos are pretty much stuck between C and E-flat most of the time). Again, this may "work" with the text you have in mind, I don't know.

Having said this, overall I think the harmonization works well. You have established a good "sound" and there is some interesting interaction among the voices, particularly the melody and bass, which is always a good sign. A few things stuck out for me:

(1) In measures 7-8, I think it would be more effective to have the E-flat only at m. 8 (in other words, don't anticipate the E-flat on the third beat of m. 7). Perhaps a chord with a D-flat in it at m. 7. Similar critique at m. 3-4, though the anticipated E-flat is as not troublesome there, in my opinion. However, the parallel 9ths between the bass and soprano (beats 2 to 3 of mm. 3 and 7) seem out of place here.

(2) The first chord of m. 11 also doesn't "work" for me. The F in the bass is good - echoing the G two measures before), but the chord to my ears is not in the same "sound world" as the rest of the hymn. Perhaps change the tenor to A-flat and the alto to D-flat (i.e. bass to soprano: F - A-flat - D-flat - B-flat), and then a B-flat minor chord at the last measure of the line, modifying the harmony in between accordingly. (I happen to like forays into the "flat" side of the circle of fifths within a piece, though this may not be to everyone's taste.)

(3) The "dominant 7th" chord in the penultimate measure sounds (to may ears at least) too conventional an approach to the final chord (V7-I). Similarly for the chords at mm. 4 (good ol' half diminished 7th) and the last measure of the third line.

Finally, I understand you are not writing in common-practice style, but I see some (accidental) parallel 5ths and a parallel octave. I think they are weak part-writing (lack of independence in the voices) if they happen to show up in the texture, and are not done for deliberate effect (as are your parallel 7ths, unprepared dissonances, and other common-practice "no-no's").

I can't play this (not being a keyboard player), but some thoughts:

1. Is the text trochaic?
2. Given the thick texture of close harmonies, parallel intervals in places from syllable to syllable, and what I might find to be a relatively disguised approach to harmonic motion, consider how that may act to obscure the clarity of diction in the chosen text and how well that text is suited to that vocal context.
3. The bass jump of the major seventh to a minor second will invite pitch problems at best - most amateur singers will want (subconsciously) to aim for no higher than F, and flatter downhill from there (as always). Normally, such adventures when ventured are more likely to be kept to inner parts.... (A pure singer perspective that keyboardists may miss....)
4. I'd feel a yearning to stray further from the relatively strict rhythmic motifs. For example, making the second measure of the third line equal notes (but this is merely abstract without the text). A1/A2 // A1/A2 // B1/B2 // A1/C

> Is the text trochaic?
yes

Also - are the breaks at the half line too long?

I think I want the melody to be more free to alternate between 2s and 3s (CHANT!) but when i write like that, Mainline organists get very confused.

Hi, Adam!

In general, I think the tessitura of the piece is on the low side for all the parts, which can make tuning difficult.

M.5 resembles m.1 so much that the difference in the bass line is going to look like a discrepancy (Bb-Ab-Ab is changed to Bb-Bb-Ab). Intended?

m.1-2 has a lot of dissonance for so early in the piece: the insistent F-G-Ab combinations make it hard for a listener to grasp the tonality.

m. 11 starts with the 7th of the chord in the bass, which poses a challenge for them and the other parts.

The static chord in m. 12 brings the piece to a stop, and may make it difficult for singers to keep time for the entrance in m. 13.

Hope this helps!

Thank you, that all helps.

Adam,

3rd system. Both dotted crotchets sound clunky to my ear. The first chord makes sense as an A-flat major one (so, raise the bass pitch from g to a-flat) and the same place two bars later as a b-flat 4-3, (so, raise the tenor pitch to a-flat).

Any thoughts about transposing up (to D or E minor) to give a little more space for the inner voices? Would the E be too high for a congregation?

I would transpose up a second (d min.) for range--although I like the sound of c minor. The E might be too high for some in the congregation at a morning service.

Also - are the breaks at the half line too long?

I think they work, assuming that the text is such that a breath at the half-line is possible without destroying the textual line. I like the movement in m. 6--maybe do something similar in the next line?

putting Eb in the bass to double the third

Just don't let a certain uber-Catholic-hymnal editor see it! ;)

> assuming that the text is such that a breath at the half-line is possible

There's a punctuation break of some kind at that point in every verse.

First chord of third line, I meant separating the tenor and bass, leaving the tenor on the G and giving the bass the Eb.

Magnificent. I don't know what the text will be for this tune, but I can tell that a great deal of care love went into it---perhaps connected (like DOWN AMPNEY) with its namesake.

Salieri is right. This melody has that unique quality of strong hymns in that it seems instantly familiar on first hearing and first playing.

-The parallel 5ths in measure 13-15 in the A/T stick out to me, and not in a pleasing way. It is especially apparent in m.14, I think because my ear is expecting the same moving quarter notes that appear in the texture of the parallel sections in mm.2, 6, and 10. A possible fix is to have the alto sing E-D-C, quarter-quarter-whole. On the other hand, I personally favor keeping the alto on D for beats 1-4, but the lush ii7 chord that results might be out of keeping with the ethos of the music...

-The other moment that sticks out to me is the V7 chord in the penultimate measure b3-5. There is melodic development here--it differs from the 4 quarter rhythmic motif of mm. 3, 7, and 11--and I think that the moment would come off stronger without an unstable 7th chord. Besides that, the seventh is held for an extended 3 beats and then fails to resolve to an A, further weakening it. Maybe there is some way to get a 4-3 suspension over the bass C?

-I think a VI-I cadence would sound better than I(64)-I in the last measure.

Nice. But there is an instance of parallel 8ves between TB in m2.

Still has a few parallel 8ves, TB mm3 b1; between mm8-9

It's not that I don't know how to find them. It's that I can't pay attention long enough.